I’ve only Kissed One Guy and I Don’t Regret it
Imagine kissing the love of your life for the first time ever…in front of 1,000 people.
Yep. That was me.
As I turned to face my brand new husband at the foot of our wedding altar, I knew the moment of truth had finally arrived. Neither of us had ever kissed anyone before, and we were about to give a rookie smooch with a thousand faces watching.
As the pastor excitedly announced, “You may now kiss the bride…for the first time!,” one pressing question flashed through my mind. “Do I tilt my head to the left or to the right?!”
Before I had time to figure it out, I found myself engaged in the most wonderful, beautiful, and special kiss of my entire life…with my new husband (that’s us in the image above).
I’ll never forget that moment.
And I haven’t regretted it for even one second.
Was I good at it? Nope. But it didn’t matter. I was sharing the most amazing moment with my brand new husband and I didn’t care what anybody thought.
Waiting to kiss until my wedding day was obviously an extremely countercultural thing to do. In fact, it’s shocking for most people. Whenever I tell my love story to a group of girls, their jaws almost hit the floor when I talk about my first kiss.
Apparently, my story is a lot more shocking than I realized.
So, why did I save my first kiss? Why did Zack save his first kiss? Why did we forgo the pleasure of lip locking during our entire single years? Why did we choose to be such countercultural “weirdos?”
Those are all great questions! However, I’m not going to write a lengthy post to answer them because they’ve already been answered on our blog. For more about the “why,” I encourage you to hop over and check out Bethany’s insightful post called, Should Christian Girls Kiss Before Marriage?
What I want to focus on in this post is whether or not I have EVER regretted saving my first kiss.
I’ve actually had people ask me if I regret it, and it’s a fair question. After 5 years of marriage, have I ever looked back on my single years and wished I had kissed earlier, younger, or more frequently?
In short, not once.
I honestly don’t regret my “extreme” decision to save my first. In fact, I would endure all the waiting again if I had to.
The reward and blessing of kissing ONE man has been overwhelmingly worth it for me.
Here’s a few reasons why I don’t regret saving my kiss:
1. No unwanted memories.
Since I’ve never kissed anyone except Zack, I have zero unwanted memories of passionate and sensual make-out sessions with other guys. I don’t ever have the fear of running into past “boyfriends” (who are probably married now) and recalling intimate memories with them. I don’t know what any other man’s mouth tastes like except for my husband’s. And for that, I am grateful.
2. No comparison.
Since I’ve only ever known one man’s kisses, I have nothing to compare them to. I have NO idea if Zack would be considered a “good kisser” or not in regards to Hollywood’s standards. And you know what? I don’t even care! I have nothing to compare it to and I love that. I get to enjoy my husband for who God made Him to be with fewer temptations to compare.
3. No lip-locking regrets.
Since my kissing history doesn’t extend beyond marriage, I have no regrets when it comes to my lips. I’ve never, ever had to struggle with regretful thoughts like, “I wish I hadn’t kissed that guy…” or “why did I make out with that one guy?!…” or “I hope I never run into that guy.” You get the idea.
4. No sexual baggage.
Since God designed kissing to be the natural catalyst for more, it’s easy for an “innocent” kiss to escalate into much, much more. Since I never kissed prior to marriage, it made it much easier for me to stay on the straight and narrow when it came to purity. I was able to avoid an entire arena of sexual temptation by keeping my lips to myself.
5. No list sharing.
A lot of pre-marital relationships begin with sharing their “lists” with one another. You know what I mean. “Who did you kiss, how far did you go with so-and-so, what happened with that one person, how many times with that other person, etc.” Thankfully, Zack and I entered our marriage with a clean slate. We had no history of engaging in any sexual activity with anyone. We got the joy and blessing of enjoying everything together for the first time.
So, no. I don’t regret my decision at all.
Choosing to wait until marriage to kiss was one of the best, and most rewarding decisions I made as a single girl. Was it always easy? No way. It was really hard a times. But with God’s help and the accountability of my family, I made it.
Now, I want to be clear that I’m far from perfect and I don’t believe saving your “kiss” is the answer to everything. The “why” behind this decision must be built on a biblical foundation. The motivation for me wasn’t based on a list of rules, but out of a desire to honor God with my purity, and out of a desire to give my future husband my very best.
If this topic intrigues you and you desire to learn more about God-defined romance, I have good news for you.
Bethany and I wrote an entire chapter on the topic of true love and romance in our new book, Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity, and Identity. I can’t encourage you enough to grab a copy and learn more about God’s design for your love life.
And one final word regarding kissing and sexual activity. Regardless of where you’ve been and what you’ve done in your past, God can redeem your future! There is no better time to get back on track and honor God with your purity than right now. Check out this helpful post for more.
Now I want to hear from you!
- Do you view kissing as a casual action, or something special and sacred? Why?
- What other benefits do you see in waiting to kiss until marriage?
PS I want to personally invite you to join us this summer for an 8 week LIVE book study in June and July! Come be a part of our amazing online community of Christian girls from around the world as we discuss relevant topics, just like this one.
I have a question: what about guys, not even boyfriends, not brothers in Christ (i.e. unsaved) who try to show friendliness with mild physical touch, and they take your lack of “appropriate response” as offensive, when you are simply trying to preserve purity? How do you recommend handling that? Is it ok for me to just say that it’s not part of my standards? I don’t have to awkwardly explain my purity convictions, or do I?
It would depend a lot on the touch, you, and them. I personally think that it is ok to return a high five, hug etc… But, if you feel that they are compromising your purity standards, talk to God about it, and then maybe explain to them if it becomes a problem. Do your best not to seem rude, though sometimes they may simply take it as rude, no matter how kindly you put it. Try to be understanding of their confusion and try not make them feel like they are doing anything wrong (unless of course they are). Ask yourself, is this going make memories that I don’t want to remember? Mostly, just talk with God about what to do. He’s the best, cuz He has ALL the inside info… 🙂
I do not think it is offensive. I mean- to some it maybe, but if they understand where you come from, and you say it in a respectful, kind way I wouldn’t think it should be offensive. At that point, if they are offended that’s their problem. Obviously say it nicely and explain why you are not going to react how they want you to, but you shouldn’t feel guilty for holding your standards. When I was younger I had very very very high standards- I mean no touching boys at all other than holding hands during prayer only. I was surprised how many were very respectful of my choice. I am sure that there were some that thought my choices were crazy and impossible, but now I do not regret it at all!
It might be a great witness for Christ if you kindly explain why you do what you do, and why purity is important for you! I’ve always found in preparing for awkward conversations like this, role playing in your head, or formulating an answer beforehand and practicing is a great idea… Normally when you have a higher standard than someone else, and you humbly and kindly explain it, instead of offending, you actually are viewed with respect for standing with your convictions. But regardless, even if you offend, Christ is honored by your stand for righteousness!
A very difficult, but very good, decision! And like your husband Zack, there are other (even older) guys out there who have also never kissed (and may not be blessed with ever being able to–but that’s in God’s hands).
As someone wisely said: “Kissing starts what kissing can’t finish.”
Thanks! I have kissed 4 males.. both grandpas, my dad, and my little brother… Does that count as saving my first kiss for marriage still? I save everything intimate and kissing outside my family for my future husband. Now days I mostly exchange cheek kisses to my dad, and as pretty much exclusively to grandpas, but could I still consider it saving my kiss for marriage? I mean I was like 4..
That absolutely counts! 🙂
hahah I realized that that was not clear! What I meant was that, yes you most certainly can count that as saving your first kiss for marriage. None of those are romantic relationships. Those are family relationships, so kissing your family members shouldn’t hold any emotional baggage. 🙂 Keep loving your family members Julie!! It sounds like they are very loved. 🙂
Thanks for the encouragement!
Thank you so much for this post, Kristen! I too, have decided to save my first kiss after much prayer and pondering! It is inspiring to know I’m not the only one!
In just 12 days I’ll be marrying the love of my life! We’ve never kissed. We’ve never even hugged or held hands! People have asked before about why we don’t kiss. “But what if you don’t like the way he kisses?” Lol Really? My answer for that is just that we didn’t build our relationship on a physical foundation. Physical intimacy is a wonderful privilege that comes with marriage! I look forward to our first kiss (very much!) but I’m not too concerned about if it’s going to be imperfect. I love him so much that I know it’ll still be one of the most wondeful moments of my life, regardless of if we kiss like pros from the get-go. 😉 By God’s grace we’ve saved this special moment for each other and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
Wow! So encouraging!!! I hope I can be just like you described when I approach my wedding day!!!!
I’ve been married for 2 months now, and before our wedding day, we did not hold hands, let alone kiss! It was hard for me to not hold hands or have his arm around me during our engagement, and there were times when I felt it was overly stringent… I also was a little concerned (and some of our friends were downright worried) that we would have trouble expressing physical affection after marriage (my family is on the affectionate, lots of hugs, side of the spectrum, and his family was on the other side) – but now that we are married, I see what an amazing blessing it was to save all physical affection for marriage! (Ok, so our first kiss was slightly askew 🙂 but it was still the sweetest moment ever!) Now we are always being teased by how overly affectionate we are, told to get a room, or how cute we are together – it’s kind of embarrassing 🙂
On a side note, verbal affection in communication is very important – I think it is quite possibly more important than physical affection, and this is one thing that we deliberately did a lot of during our engagement. We encouraged each other, said how much we loved each other, how good it was to be together etc.
But all this to say, saving basically all physical affection (once we were engaged I requested we give each other side hugs when saying hello and goodbye) till marriage has made it so special for us, and I am totally sold on the idea now… Having no regrets, and so much joy in each other was worth every agonizing second 🙂 of waiting!
Congratulations on your Marriage!! 🙂 Lol I can definitley understand it being hard to wait!! We’ve been blessed with people around us who encourage us on the blessings of waiting so that has helped a lot! It’s encouraging when someone who’s been there and done that can be there for you!
We are very much the same when it comes to verbal affection. I used to be terrible at that, but since he and I got together and we have saved physical affection for marriage it’s kind of helped me to grow in expressing how I feel with words. 🙂
I consider it something special to save for my husband. 🙂
Thank you Kristen for sharing your story! I can completely relate to you. I am 22 years old and I’ve never kissed a guy. I get the same reaction every time I tell other people. But just like you, I believe that a kiss is sacred, it’s special, and therefore should be saved for someone as special as your husband. Besides I think it’s wonderful being able to walk down the aisle with your head up high knowing you have saved the very best for your husband. It’s rare nowadays to find girls with this mentality. I always felt like I was the odd ball because even my fellow sisters from church had adopted the ideology of today’s modern culture. I used to feel bad sometimes, but now I know God will use my story to inspire other girls around me, just like He has used you and Bethany! Thanks again and may God continue to use you both! God bless!!
I was one of those girls who never got the whole saving your first kiss for your wedding day. So many of my friends decided they were going to and I always asked myself, Why? It wasn’t until I asked, Why not, that I started to take my own stand on the subject. Why not save your first kiss for your wedding day? I realised I was being influenced by all the romance stories (books and movies) around me. Don’t get me wrong I still love a good romance, but I didn’t want to be using that to form my opinions on how I want my love story to roll out. Now I see the value in saving that kiss, and am determined to carry it through till I say I Do. 🙂
I am so encouraged by your purity and faithfulness even when it’s extremely hard in this culture we’re in. I love the idea of saving your kiss for your wedding – it is something so special and sacred and I believe it should be treated that way! 🙂
Thank you Kristen, you are such an inspiration! Love you message! I just wanted to ask did you hold hands and hugged before marrige or did you saved that also for after marriage?