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Our Sexual Longings and Desires Have Been Distorted by Sin

By: Kristen Clark

I still remember the struggle like it was yesterday. I was single, in my early twenties, and fully aware of my sexual longings and desires. Waiting to experience sexual pleasure until marriage felt like an impossible task to me. I knew God was calling me to fight for purity in my heart, mind, and actions, but it felt too hard. It seemed impossible. Almost like a cruel waiting game. Why would a good God give me these strong sexual desires as a single woman with no outlet to express them in?!

With frustration in my heart, I allowed my mind to wander to sinful places. Sexual thoughts flooded my imagination, and before I knew it, I was giving into lustful self-gratification…again.

In those challenging moments, my sexual desires felt more like a curse than a blessing.

For many of us, God’s design for sex and intimacy can often feel more like a burden than a gift.

Battling lust and sexual sin is something every single one of us deals with as women. None of us are above it or beyond it. Whether it’s lustful imaginations, pornography, masturbation, sexual promiscuity, an immoral relationship with a guy, same-sex desires, or something else — one thing is abundantly clear. We, as women, wrestle with sexual sin and brokenness.

However, before we blame God for creating us as sexual beings, we need to pause and remind ourselves of a very important truth: God created our sexuality as a good thing — sin is the cause of its distortion.

In the beginning, God created the very first humans (Adam and Eve) to be completely sexual and completely perfect.

Before sin entered the world, Adam and Eve were able to embrace their sexual desires without any confusion or distortion.

As we say in our new book, Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart:

“In the perfect garden, the first couple embraced God’s design with great joy and delight. Standing there, in the middle of paradise, the Bible says that they were naked and were not ashamed (Gen. 2:25). He was fully male. She was fully female. They were both fully sexual. In the beauty of the garden, they enjoyed the pleasures of sexual intimacy with total freedom, complete trust, and abundant joy. There was no pain. No reserve. No shame. No confusion. The first husband and wife took great delight in God’s good and beautiful design for their sexuality.”

Sadly though, it didn’t stay this way forever. Instead of trusting God’s good plan for their lives, Adam and Eve questioned God’s goodness and stepped outside of his boundaries. They disobeyed God’s explicit command and ate from the forbidden tree (Genesis 3). They thought they knew better than God. They trusted their own judgment and wisdom more than their Creator’s.

In that fateful moment, sin came streaming into the world and distorted everything that was good and perfect.

Brokenness, pain, and confusion would become the new normal. Everything was touched by sin…even their sexual design and desires. Adam and Eve were no longer perfectly whole, but broken.

“From that point on, every human that entered the world arrived broken as well. As the days, months, years, and centuries stretched on, each generation also experienced its own sexual struggles as a result of sin. Adam and Eve’s original decision to reject God’s truth was the beginning of a worldwide domino effect. What God had created to be beautiful and perfect had been greatly distorted.

Sin now pollutes our desires, longings, and feelings. Galatians 5:17a describes these warped desires as being contrary and opposed to what is right and true. ‘For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh . . .” —Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart

As we live in a modern age today, we are still reaping the consequences of sin and brokenness.

Because of sin, our sexual longings and desires are often contrary to God’s good and holy design. And just like Adam and Eve, we also wrestle with questioning God’s goodness.

“As women today, our struggles are no different than Eve’s. We are tempted to question God’s truth on a regular basis. Did God really say I should reserve sex for marriage? If I love someone, does anything else really matter? If I feel a certain way, wouldn’t God want me to be true to my feelings? If pornography doesn’t seem to hurt anyone, it should be fine, right? As long as I don’t go all the way, I’m not technically breaking any rules. God wants me to enjoy sexual fulfillment, so He’s probably okay with me reading erotica. Did God actually say it’s wrong to imagine sexual fantasies?

Just like Eve, our eyes wander and our hearts question. Did God really say? Doing things our own way seems better in the moment. We’re tempted to believe the age-old lie that we know better than God.” —Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart

Instead of automatically giving in to our feelings and desires, we, as Christian women, must recognize that our sexuality has been distorted by sin.

As we experience sexual longings and desires (whether single or married) we need to be on our guard and aware of whether or not our desires are God-honoring or sinful. As good as it may feel to do things our own way in the moment, God is calling us to honor Him above our desires.

Doing things our own may be the anthem of our modern culture, but it doesn’t lead to wholeness or sexual freedom. It leads further and further down the road of sexual brokenness and pain.

Instead of straying further from God’s original design for our sexuality, we need to turn back to Him.

Turning back to God’s Word and allowing the Creator to define our sexuality is the only course of action that will lead us toward true hope, healing, and satisfaction. We are all broken women in need of sexual redemption and restoration. 

In preparation for the release of our new book, Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart, the next two months will be focused on unpacking God’s good design for our sexuality. We will dig into God’s design for sex, longings, purity and more, and unpack how we as women can embrace these areas of our lives rightly. Stick with us! 

For now, I’d love to hear from you below: 

In what ways have you seen sin distort your sexual longings and desires?

PS: If you pre-order this new book by April 29th, you will get some amazing freebies like the audiobook, coloring book, online event, printables, and more. Learn more HERE.  

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18 Responses to Our Sexual Longings and Desires Have Been Distorted by Sin

  1. disqus_lFuM3ZoW6s says:

    Thank you so much for Sharing Kristen! Not enough people talk about these things anymore. I personally have struggled with sexual fantasy and it is nice to know you did to that I’m not alone or crazy because of it. I have been battling with fantasy since 12 and I am now 19.How did you get free from it? I really look forward to reading your new book and he next 2 months of these blog posts. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Shanae B says:

    Massive hit the nail on the head! I know it isn’t wrong, but as a single the desires can very much so feel like a curse. Can’t wait to read the new book! This is extremely needed in today’s culture! It’s practically impossible to avoid cultural bombardment in this, not falling prey and instead biblically fighting it. Thanks for posting this!

  3. Saira Esther Thomas says:

    Thank you for sharing this topic on vlog. This has been my struggle as well. I pray that people like me to be renewed by Holy Spirit in their hearts. I personally knows that no will power can control the longings and desires of the hearts. Only the power of Holy Spirit can help us.

  4. Suzanne says:

    Kristen – thank you so much for this post. It seems that not too many people want to talk about this, sometimes I even think my parents don’t want to talk about it with me. I have struggled with quite a few of the things you mentioned and I still struggle with them. Can you write a blog or something about how to keep yourself from struggling so much? Like practical tips I can apply? Because people tell me I can be free and that the Holy Spirit can change me and so on and so forth, but that doesn’t help me much. It is easier said than done. I want to get past the point of “well you can be free” to “I am free!” Thank you again for your ministry!

    • GirlDefined says:

      Hello Suzanne! Thanks for being honest about your struggles. Over the next 8 weeks we will be tackling specific sexual topics and explaining the practical, biblical steps that we can take to find freedom from our sin. Keep an eye out on this blog and on our YouTube channel (YouTube.com/girldefined) for this new content. 🙂

  5. Grace says:

    Thank you for this post! It was very interesting and a great reminder. I have one question I have veen wondering about? God gave us romantic/sexual desires, but what are we supposed to do with them while we are young and waiting? Just a thought…

  6. GirlDefined says:

    Praise the Lord for your courageous decision to follow Christ wholeheartedly. There is forgiveness and freedom found at the foot of the cross. Praying for you, sister!

  7. Sinaí Ríos says:

    What a great moment to post this, God has spoken to me trough this post. I just wanna to say, thank you for keeping it real. May the Lord always guide us trough this journey.

  8. Ann says:

    Wow! You really cleared things up for me.
    I REALLY appreciate the time you & Bethany (and all of the guest Bloggers) take to encourage the christian sisterhood!!!♥
    It’s SO nice to get encouragement when your struggling with something!

    1 Thessalonians 5:11 (King James Version)
    Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.

    Also,like the Bible says “Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.” -From James 4:8 (KJV)

    Thank you for the encouragement & for Preaching Jesus!
    Love you guys♥

  9. Jane says:

    So Jesus is the tenor for sex’s vehicle? Reaching the height of pleasure is equated to what exactly? I’m confused. I guess feeling his love rain down on me takes a whole different meaning if that’s the case.

  10. Madi says:

    Did you know that babies form habits in the womb? From thumb sucking to ear pulling. They also participate in self pleasuring, which tells me that it’s natural. I’m all for religious expression, but there’s something saddening over telling young people that their feelings(which progress as we age) are sinful. Anyone with children know how much they play with themselves, it’s nothing new. It’s taking that urge and acting on it that becomes an issue. Speaking from personal experience, the best we all can do is teach them from young to cherish and respect their bodies so they’ll be better equipped when dealing with their significant others in their future. Shaming them only leads to the searching up ways to continue the habit and sometimes not in the safest way. But educating them will help them, make better, safer and more informed decisions when the time comes.


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