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How to do Prom in a Modest and Pure Way

By: Bethany Baird

I scoured the local department stores hoping to find something to wear to prom. I was sixteen years old and was about to experience my first and last prom.

Like any normal girl, I wanted to look my absolute best. I wanted feel and look like a princess.

After days of endless searching, I decided that the words modesty, tall, and prom did not exist in the same category. I talked with my mom and she kindly took on the task of sewing me a floor length, red silk dress.

The day of prom finally arrived.

I was so excited. This was something I hoped I would get to experience but never thought I would.

This prom that I was attending wasn’t your ordinary prom though.

This was a by invitation only event. It was designed in a way that created a modest and pure environment. The music was carefully selected, a modesty dress code was put in place, several of our parents acted as chaperones and strict rules were given to every attendee.

This prom was designed to create a fun social event, minus the garbage that’s typically connected with proms.

I realize that most of you don’t have proms like I just described.

I barely had that prom myself. It was planned as a one time event and never happened again. I just happened to be at the right age, in the right place, at the right time.

This little modest, pure, and chaperoned prom I attended wasn’t the only prom in the city. No way! There were dozens of private school proms, public school proms and a big homeschool proms that took place every year.

Those three options of prom are the ones that most of you girls are selecting from. Either that, or you’ve chosen not to attend prom at all (which I commend you for and think that’s a great decision) or you don’t have a prom to attend.

Whatever category of prom you fall into, I want you to answer the question in the blog title: “How to do prom in a modest and pure way.”

The truth is I’ve been out of the prom scene for a while now.

Being twenty-six years old I sometimes forget what’s taking place at this time of the school year. I want to give a shout out to Kyersta for e-mailing in and asking a great question. She is the reason I decided to write this post.

She asked, “I just wanted to know if y’all could do a prom topic on why finding a modest dress is good. And how to be pure through the whole experience of prom and end the night.” – Kyersta

Great question Kyersta. Let me share with all of you my personal thoughts on prom.

1. When it comes to the guy

Going with a godly Christian guy is key at prom. Don’t be soooo desperate to have a “date” at prom that you’re willing to take any slime ball that asks you. Be willing to skip or go with girl friends if a godly guy isn’t an option.

The last thing you need at prom is a guy pressuring you to do something that you know isn’t pure or God-honoring. Decide on the character qualities of a guy you’d like to go with and don’t compromise. A lot can go wrong at prom if you have the wrong guy. when it comes to the guy, it’s okay to be a little picky.

2. When it comes to the friends

Friends are what make the prom. Right? Dancing, eating, taking pictures and riding in a limo isn’t quite as fun without friends. Since it’s a given that most people spend prom night with a group of friends, be extra cautious.

The Bible says that, “Bad company ruins good morals.” Isn’t that the truth! The peer pressure of the friends you surround yourself with at prom will play a HUGE role in your purity and God-honoring success rate.

The last thing you need is a group of friends encouraging you to loosen up, have more fun and push the limits. That won’t help you at all. Again, it’s okay to be a little picky when it comes to friends at prom night.

3. When it comes to the dress

This what I see over and over again. Girls who would never wear the cleavage-bearing, strapless or halter dresses, all of the sudden shed those standards on prom night. It’s like somehow the “formal dress world” and “regular life world” are two different things. When it comes to the day-to-day activities modesty is a given, but, when it comes to prom modesty often disappears.

Let’s be consistent girls.

Don’t have a double standard. Don’t dress immodestly just because it’s hard to find a modest dress. Yes, dressing modestly in a prom dress may take extra work. Thankfully you have a ton more options than I did ten years ago. I’ve created a GirlDefined Pinterest board with modest prom dress ideas. There are also some great websites you can order from.

I’ve used www.latterdaybride.com. They offer some super cute modest options. I’ve also used an international site called www.lightinthebox.com. This site doesn’t cater to modesty but they do sell some super cute, cheap modest formal dresses. A great option for those of you who still have time to plan ahead.

4. When it comes to the dance

Determine your standards ahead of time and don’t budge. As the night goes on dancing tends to get more “loose.” Guys and girls start to feel more comfortable and before you know it things get totally inappropriate. Set standards for yourself and share them with your “date” or group of friends.

Don’t give into temptation just because it’s awkward or uncomfortable. Remember that Jesus is everywhere. He is watching you at your prom. Just imagine Him standing there on the sidelines at each dance. Honoring Him is so much more important than anything else.

5. When it comes to the whole shebang

I want to lay down a hard truth. If you honestly don’t believe that you can attend a prom without feeling compromised, don’t go. I said no to prom three out of my four high school years for that very reason. Looking back on it now, I’m so glad that I did. It wasn’t worth it. And it may not be worth it for you either.

Don’t attend prom just because it’s the normal, cool, fun thing to do. Sometimes God asks us to give up these earthly pleasures in order to honor Christ. He gave up His life for you. Giving up prom is really a small sacrifice compared to what He did for you. Make honoring Christ your biggest priority when it comes to your choice to attend or not to attend.

Let’s chat about it…

Will you be attending prom this year? What is your plan of action to end prom in total modesty and purity?

Do you have any secrets to finding a modest prom dress? What other questions do you have on the topic of prom?

 Photo Credit: www.flicker.com | 12596027

Girl wearing head piece. | Girldefined

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  • Anna Jones

    Great post! I won’t be attending a prom but this a much needed discussion on how to act if you are attending one. Question: could you or Kristen do a post on how you found God’s purpose for your life? Thank you so much!

  • Grace

    Hey 🙂 This post is super awesome!

    I’m from Australia so we don’t do the whole prom thing but have formals instead, although it is very different to prom some of the same things still apply.

    Modesty is one of the most beautiful aspects of a girl and should be valued all the way through High School, including Prom/Formal and beyond. This is certainly something I will be sharing with my friends, thank you so much, your posts are always something I look forward to!

  • Michaela R. P.

    I live in Germany (But was born in the USA). I will e finishing High school a year from now
    and have. I have decided not to attend.From what I’ve heard about american proms (in a public school) they don’t seem to be very different. My 2 personal reasons are:
    1) Especially for our class I can say it: It’s not gonna be pretty!
    2) I see it as another way to be a witness by showing that I won’t participate in drinking, dancing etc.
    But I must say I’m not looking forward to explaining! It’s like a MUST DO to attend your own prom here, but I trust God will use the situation for his glory though!

  • Elizabeth

    Thanks Bethany!!!! I was invited to two “balls” within the last couple months. I prayed about it and felt convicted not to go for several reason. Purity being one of them although a Christian event. This may not be the choice for everyone because God convicts everyone differently, but think everyone can apply to your post though. Than you!!!

  • Elizabeth Williams

    I would just skip the prom if I had an opportunity to go to one. I feel like it would be very hard to stay modest and pure, so it would be one of those things that was easier if I just didn’t go at all. That sounds awesome, the kind of thing you went to as a teen! I wish more people did those things. Sounds more life a banquet or formal.

  • Allyce

    Thank you for your thoughtful post. Perhaps in the days when there was very little touching in certain styles of dance, and when there was very little body movement, dance for Christians could be approved. However, since those by-gone days, many Christians cannot approve of dancing in any form. Think about it: Should Christian women give their bodies over to the types of “dance” popular these days? Should Christian women give their bodies over to men to whom they are not married to be held in sway? Old fashioned, right? But is it? The Bible says we are to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God. So not only should we be concerned with modesty of dress, but modesty of how we present our bodies, as in dance. Many Christian schools hold “Junior-Senior Banquets”, not proms. These give the wonderful dress-up opportunities in fairytale settings with dates, But without the problems associated with proms. Something to think about… 🙂 <3

  • Molly

    This is the first post I’ve seen on this topic and I’m so thankful for it, as most people don’t write about it simply because they’ve decided against prom. I was so excited when I saw you posted this, as I thought I was the only homeschooler left who hadn’t decided against prom.
    I honestly have nothing against prom, as long as you can guard your heart and not compromise. I went with a guy last year (one of the most godly guys I know), and though we hardly danced, we had a good time just enjoying each others company. I had lucked out on finding a modest, $35 dress, with straps. You just have to know where to look.
    I’m not sure yet if I’m going this year again, but I believe that the biggest way to have a modest prom is to go with the right guy (or go by yourself, which I find a very bold and beautiful thing to do). When you both have the same standards and convictions, you can both feel super comfortable the whole night, dancing only when you felt comfortable with the songs and not feeling pressured at all.
    Thanks so much for this post!

    Molly

  • Brinkley

    Thanks for the post! My family is in an amazing (large) homeschool group that puts on a really special prom every year. I get to attend for the first time this year:) I had to sign a contract to be able to attend..Cant wait for the opportunity!! only 3 weeks, and I get to celebrate my senior friends’ last prom with them! And I have chosen to go by myself!!

  • Briana Soto

    Great post Bethany. I am a Sophomore and I have decided not to go to Prom till my Senior year and when I go to Prom I definitely want to do it the right way but that is going to be pretty difficult because I go to a public school. But like the Bible says “The Path is Narrow.” But thanks again for the post. If it is not to much to ask can y’all follow me on Pinterest my name is Briana Soto and I have the picture of a girl in red I follow you and would love it if you would follow me too GirlDefined. Lots of love Briana.

  • Jesusfreak17

    Just an FYI, the first link is a Mormon website. Though it isn’t necessarily wrong, I know that some girls, such as myself, would preferred not to support that kind of thing.

    • Dolly

      Thanks for mentioning that. I was just going to say something to that extent as well.

  • Lillly Shyree

    This is good!! I haven’t really thought about prom much because I’m not even close to the age of going to prom. I’m thinking I probably just won’t ever go to prom. 🙂


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