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The Pros and Cons of Online Dating from a Christian Girl’s Perspective

By: Bethany Baird

With technology continually on the rise and dating sites becoming much more of the norm, I think we should do ourselves a favor and dig into the topic of online dating.

I have to be honest with you though, I’ve been avoiding the “online dating” topic like the plague.

Why? Because I have several really close friends, that I greatly admire, who stand on the opposite side of the spectrum. Some friends love online dating to pieces and some can’t hate it enough.

There are also great Christian ministries (that I highly respect) who hold very different views. On one hand there’s Leslie Ludy who is totally against it and on the other hand we have Boundless who is very much in favor of it.

With all of these different perspectives, what’s a girl to do?

As a 27 seven year old christian single girl I’ve done my fair share of reading, praying, and thinking through the whole “romantic relationship” topic.

I’ve had multiple conversations and have read many blogs and articles about online dating. I’ve decided to boil all of that information down into this one teeny tiny blog post. There is so much to be said on the topic and I realize I can’t address every aspect of the conversation today.

The goal of this blog post is to help you think through the pros and cons of online dating and evaluate if this is something you should personally use, either now, or in the future.

My Personal Online Dating Status.

Let me start by sharing my personal “online dating status” with you. I’ve never used online dating in my past, and personally have no current plans of using it in the future. I’ve talked through, thought through, and prayed through this topic and I don’t believe it’s the path for me.

I feel extremely confident that God has me exactly where He wants me right now.

I believe that online dating would only be a distraction to my current purpose in life. Although I am very open to starting a relationship, I have to trust that God can provide a man for me if He desires.

My life verse (Proverbs 3:5-6) has really become my personal mantra on this issue. It says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”

At this point, I’m just trusting that God will guide me (through His Word and the wise people around me) in the direction He wants me to go. Right now, it’s not online dating. In the future, it might be. I don’t know.

You have to weigh the pros and cons.

If you’ve ever thought about using online dating, I highly encourage you to think, pray, and weigh the pros and cons before ever getting online. Don’t get online blindly or in a hurry because your friends encourage you to do it. Don’t get online out of fear or a lack of trust in God.

Going “online” is a very serious decision and should be taken with a lot of outside wisdom, prayer, and much counsel.

That being said, let’s jump into the possible pros and cons of online dating.

Possible Pros of Online Dating:

1. It can help differentiate the intentional from the non-intentional. I’ve heard it said that online dating really helps narrow down the singles who are serious about marriage from the ones who aren’t.

2. It expands your pool of fish. By going online you will have many more potential options. No longer are you limited to the tiny pool of people you personally know, but you now have access to people all over the country.

3. Personality, religion, and preference matches. Online dating sites are well known for matching guys and girls up according to personality, religion, and preferences, etc. Many believe that this helps narrow down the options and gives you a better chance of relationship success.

4. You can make your marriage interest known. Online dating is often for the purpose of finding your lifelong match. Guys online will most likely appreciate a girl who’s intentional about marriage and who’s interested in a guy doing the same.

Possible Cons of Online Dating:

1. Dangers of the unknown. Let’s just be real. You’re a girl going online and getting to know total strangers. That can be a little scary. Without serious wisdom involved you could end up chatting with a total weirdo or creeper.

2. Time consumer. I’ve heard several people (who’ve used online dating) say that online dating requires a lot of time. It takes time to create a profile, time to keep up with emails and time to get to know the different potentials.

3. Financial investment. Online dating sites aren’t free. They require memberships and membership fees.

4. Security of your private information. Going online requires you to fork over a bunch of personal information (that’s how they make the matches). I’ve read in several places that many online dating sites aren’t totally secure, making it somewhat easy for hackers to get into your account and access your info. That’s concerning.

5. Best foot forward. Online dating gives the users the chance to put their best foot forward and keep the ugly in the background. It can be difficult to know the true beliefs, convictions, and character of the guys you meet.

6. Possible lack of trust in God. Online dating has the potential to be used because of a lack of trust in God. A lack of trust that God is the Creator and hold the hearts of Kings in His hands. A lack of trust that God is capable of providing and a fear that if you don’t go online you’ll never get married.

7. Rushing through the single years. God is working in your life and giving you opportunities to grow and become more like Jesus. Singleness isn’t a bad thing. God has tons of work (the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few) and singles are a great set of people to focus on that Kingdom work. Think through the possible work God might have for you before getting online.

Okay, the pros and cons list is over.

I feel like there is so much more I want to say but I need to wrap it up. Let me leave you with these final thoughts.

All in all your life as a Christian girl is about reflecting Christ and pointing others to Him. If you are fully striving to trust in Him, rely on Him, and rest in Him, then I think the answer to your online dating question will become quite clear.

Just remember that God is bigger, mightier, and more amazing than you could ever imagine. Don’t underestimate His sovereign control over your love life. Seek to trust in Him with ALL of your heart and He truly will make your “relationship path” clear.

What are you thoughts?

Are you for online dating or against it? What pros do you see and what cons do you see? Share below.

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  • Celtic Princess

    I think there’s a large amount of wisdom in evaluating yourself thoroughly before making this kind of decision. I know that I’m a bit featherbrained at times and would probably turn twitter-pated the moment a guy showed a remote interest, so I know it wouldn’t be a good plan for me, but I know several Christians who are more down to earth than myself (and whom I respect) who have had a good experience with it. I feel like it comes down to whether you feel that the Lord is leading you in that direction or not… It’s similar to attending singles conferences, hanging out in singles chats, and putting yourself in places where you expect to meet a lot of single guys in order to widen your opportunities to meet Mr. Right, but you have to make sure that you’re not going online because “I don’t see any good guys around, and I don’t trust that God could bring a guy in my situation.” The first half of that statement (evaluated with your spiritual authorities) could be a valid concern, and perhaps a reason to try online dating, but nothing good can come from the second half….

  • Ann H

    Just to state my stance at the outset, I’m for online dating, with caution. I would add under the “cons” that having online chats (text, email, or social networks) as the main method of communication is a bad idea. A person is more likely to say things in print that they’d be embarrassed to say in person. And there are no extraverbal cues– afterall, it’s been said that the actual words are only 10% of the communication while body language, tone of voice, eye contact, etc. convey 90%. Another drawback is not knowing the person in the context of their community. Just something to keep in mind. 🙂

  • Jesusfreak17

    My cousin got married to someone he met through online dating so I know that God can definatly work through it. HOWEVER, I just want to highlight the security aspect! There’s a reason I have a username. Online hacks are actually not as hard as some people think they are. Proceed with caution in that aspect as well.

  • Rachael

    I think this has a lot of good points. I am not all for OR against it. I believe it’s all about intention and if you have prayed and maybe talk to some close friends/family and feel lead to try online dating and you can do it safely, I see nothing wrong with it. In fact, I know a couple that met on Christian mingle! Just be careful, and don’t do it out of fear of being alone

  • Another con is that people can be completely lying about themselves. I would say it’s dangerous.

  • There’s been horror stories and beautiful love stories all on this matter. My brother met his wife from a Christian dating sight. At a someone desperate time in my life I decided that I would try this as well. However, before I got to involved in it, I sought council from my pastor on the matter. At first he said to let him think about what I should do and then a minute later he was like, you know Mary on second thought, I don’t think this is a good idea for you. I know it worked for your brother but just because it worked for him doesn’t mean that its going to work for you. He said, especially with your personality type, (Extremely outgoing, friendly, vivacious, fun loving) I don’t think its a good idea! So I heeded my pastor’s wisdom to me. So I think its always a wise choice to seek council from someone that your respect, THAT ALSO KNOWS YOU!!! This route is definitely not for me!!! I’m just trusting in God on the matter! He knows what he is doing and in HIS TIMING, I know that I will get married!!!!

  • Chelsy Bontrager

    Great article!
    I’m totally against online dating. I think God is bigger than that and He doesn’t need help in writing a beautiful love story for me. =)
    Thanks for sharing this!

  • Daisy2

    I like like this artcile very much!
    It’s a topic that I recently thought about… A friend of mine is going to get married next year… She met her future husband at an online dating site… And she knew him for some months before he proposed to her.. they met probably 3 times… and i asked her, how it is to be in love and how does she feel about getting married… to my surprise she told me, that she isn’t in love.. she hasnt any romantic feelings for that guy… she is 23 years old and thinks if she doesnt get married now, than she will never ever get married after.. so she sayed yes to his proposal and she is hoping that they will get good friends and start a family… but i dont think thats a good attitude… because god doesnt want something like that for us… he wants people to get mearried when they are truly in love… and so i tried to discuss with her about this topic but she tried to stop and change the topic… we were pretty close friends when we went to school.. but now when we are both working, we barely see us and i dont want to discuss such an important topic by phone… i mean when her parents arent against it and they aprove to this marriage, what should i do?
    she also recommend me to get online and once i tried to create an account, but it didnt worked out two times and so i said, its gods work and he wants to tell me its not a thing for me… so i didnt get online.. as you say i will trust in the lord and wait until he wants me to meet my future husband… but i’m truly concerned about my friend… i think she will make a big mistake… and i dont know what to do… gbu

  • thehappygirl

    Great article with a lot of good points!
    I am mostly against online dating. I see it as not trusting God with your love life (even though I’ll admit I considered it once). Also, there are tons of creeps/perverts online that aren’t even interested in marriage and just want to have a “casual hook up,” as our culture calls it. I just wouldn’t feel comfortable putting myself out there.

  • Elizabeth Williams

    Online dating is something I’ve thought long and hard about, to be honest! I know that it’s not something I want to do for myself at all, and I know it’s not always the wisest thing, but I want to know what I believe about it. I agree with everything you have said! The only thing I would add is that I hear a lot of people say “I know a lot of Godly couples that have met through online dating, so it seemed to work for them.” While I agree with that statement, and I’m not ready to say that it has never worked for anybody, I would offer one word of caution. We have to be careful about saying “Well, it worked for so and so!” I know a lot of Godly couples who met in ungodly ways. For instance, a bar or while they were married to someone else, etc. And I know couples who honor God with their lives/marriage now, but they have been divorced and remarried, or maybe they lived together before marriage. So I would just caution others against using that logic to determine if it’s right or wrong 🙂

  • Val

    I’m not against online dating, I believe that it could be a good idea, but with caution. Actually I don’t think there is such thing as online dating, I believe there is online meeting: it can help you meet people but any relationship needs to happen in person. After a certain amount of time of emailing and calling it is better to meet in person (in a safe place, of course).
    Also, I don’t think it is a way to distrust God or to “force Him”, online dating doesn’t provide you a spouse, it just alouds you to meet people.

  • Gem

    I had always had reservations about online dating and had been trusting God… I recently turned 29 and fear and unbelief came over me ….and then I joined one yesterday but after the first 3 messages I got I realized I shouldn’t have cos it was based on lack of trust in God to provide for my every need. I must confess …. Waiting can just be so hard esp when all ur friends and younger ones are happily married and pple start thinking there’s something wrong with you….


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