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The Quickest Way to Become an Unattractive Girl

By: Kristen Clark

Have you ever met someone and thought they were really attractive at first glance, but the more you got to know them the less attractive they appeared? What happened? Their physical looks didn’t change…what changed was the “revealing” of their true character.

The more you got to know them, the more their true self shined through and the less attractive they appeared.

Our culture trains us to believe that outward beauty is the only beauty worth chasing after. Yet,  how ironic that a highly attractive person can suddenly become “ugly” in our eyes if they’re mean, rude, angry, and self-focused.

Who would you rather spend the rest of your life with? An attractive, but totally self-focused guy, or an average looking guy with a heart of pure gold?

I’m guessing you’d take the heart of gold.

The truth is, being physically beautiful has nothing to do with a person’s true attractiveness. Even more than our physical bodies or appearances, God cares about this one thing: The condition of our heart. That is how He measures our attractiveness.

You could be the most beautiful model in the world, but appear ugly and distasteful in the eyes of God. God doesn’t delight in us based on our physical beauty, He delights in us based on the attractiveness of our heart.

“Man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7b).

In God’s eyes a selfish heart is a very unattractive heart.

No amount of makeup can fix that. Selfishness will turn a beautiful woman into a highly unattractive one.

From the day you and I were born, we came into this world with one thing on our minds –  ourselves. Selfish babies turn into selfish kids, selfish kids turn into selfish teens, and selfish teens turn into selfish adults.

Our hearts are sinful and bent on serving our needs and desires first.

Unfortunately, our selfishness can be really hard to see at times. We walk all over people and don’t even notice a thing. We raise our voice in anger at our sibling, then walk away unfazed. We think secret thoughts of ingratitude without anyone ever knowing.

Selfishness runs in our veins.

I was out shopping recently, and I noticed two girls chatting it up in the store. A blonde girl was telling a story to her brunette friend, when the blonde girl suddenly found herself talking to the air. The brunette friend had noticed a cute purse and took off to look at it, leaving her blonde friend standing there alone feeling less important than a purse.

We can all relate to being in the position of the blonde girl, but how often do we act like the brunette did? I know I do way too often. We’re thinking of ourselves more than the other person.

We’re being totally selfish.

Having a self-focused lifestyle comes really natural for all of us.

We ignore our friends when they talk, we get mad when our plans are messed up, we don’t want to help with the dishes, serving at church is too hard, our parents annoy us, we don’t ask questions when others talk, etc.

Our hearts are naturally set on the “life is about ME” gear unless we manually do something to change it. So how do we develop a beautiful heart? What is attractive to God?

The biggest antidote for a self-focused heart isn’t to be “others focused,” but to become more Christ-focused. The more we get to know Jesus, read His word, pray, and strive to become like Him, the less self-focused we will be.

This may sound cliche, but this truly is the answer.

I met a girl once who didn’t strike me as overly physically attractive, but the more I got to know her, the more beautiful she became. Her speech was gracious, her words were gentle, her smile was huge, and her heart was overflowing with love for Christ. She was joyful, happy, content, confident, and humble…she was beautiful! She was radiant. As I got to know her, she suddenly appeared more attractive to me.

A good gage to check the beauty condition of your heart is to ask yourself this: How much do I really love Jesus?

Most of us would quickly say, “more than anything else in all the world.” But is that true? Do we really love Him more than anything? More than ourselves?

There is a song titled, “More Of You Lord And Less Of Me.”  I love that title! A beautiful heart that truly loves God will have a strong desire to see more of Him and less of her. Are you others-focused or self-focused? Are you a good listener or a good talker? Are you a giver or a taker? Where is your heart?

There is nothing more attractive in a girl than a beautiful smile flowing from a heart that is Christ-focused.

I want to encourage you to write down the song title from above, “More Of You Lord And Less Of Me,” and use it as a daily prayer.

The only way we can ever overcome selfishness, pride, and ingratitude in our lives is by filling our thoughts and minds with more of Christ and less of us. That is when our hearts and lives become truly beautiful in God’s eyes.

  • Do find it easier to work on your outward beauty or your inner character?
  • What advice would you give to younger girls to help them have beautiful hearts for God?

Photo Credit: HereGirl looking in mirror

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9 Responses to The Quickest Way to Become an Unattractive Girl

  1. Sandra says:

    Beautiful blogpost. And true.

    Before I answer your questions below, I will tell something about the ‘attractiveness’ of a boy. I liked a boy, just over a year ago. He wasn’t that good looking, but indeed I liked the way he was. We started texting more often and I started to like him better and better. Until we had a ‘date’, if you can call it like that. And he changed a lot since then. He was pushy, envious, wanted to do everything together and he became more and more quick tempered. He broke contact, to find out he overreacted. But I couldn’t see him the way he was, anymore. He completely changed from I person I liked to someone I don’t want to know. Now I text with him occasionally, he is a friend of mine on Facebook, and again I started to know him better because of the stuff he posted. I’m absolutel sure he is not how my future husband should be like. Because your right saying I want a husband with a heart of gold.

    What I want to say with what I wrote, is that I think people might also like nice from the inside, but it turns out they are the opposite of it.

    Okay, and now the questions :o)

    “Do you find it easier to work on your outward beauty or your inner character?”
    My first thought would be my outward beauty. But actually I think it is my inner character. Because I can put lots of make up on, it wouldn’t be me. And even with lots of make up, there will alway be people who might think I’m not beautiful enough. Like you said, I also believe you can see the inner beauty on the outside. So when I make my inner beauty like Jesus – be less selfish – I might look more beautiful on the outside as well. So in the end I think it is easier to work on my inner character.

    “What advice would you give to younger girls to help them have beautiful hearts for God?”
    Listen to God and think about the way you want to be treated. By acting the way you want other people acting to you. But I also think you should meet people who are rude, because then you also know how you don’t want to be (with) – like I experienced with the boy I descibed above. I know I don’t want to be like that, so I act the opposite way. And pray for it. God will help you :o)

  2. Madeleine Grace says:

    This is such a beautiful post! And it’s really convicting and so true! Thank you so much for this it ’twas really encouraging and convicting!! 🙂

  3. Melea says:

    This post was just what I needed! Thank you so much! 🙂 I definitely have the tendency to focus more on my outward appearance than on my heart…but I think knowing how it feels to be treated rudely by selfish people will help me not to want to treat people like that! You are always very encouraging, thanks so much again!

  4. Edna Mullett says:

    I so needed to hear/read this! Thank you so much for posting this article!

  5. Jasmine Luna says:

    Love this! It’s all so true.
    I’d say it’s easier for me to work on my inner character. I’m not really into makeup. 🙂
    But I know I still have a lot to work on with my character!
    I’d say that the things that make a beautiful heart are…humility, kindness, and pretty much all the fruits of the Spirit. A beautiful girl is one who’s after God’s heart!

  6. Liz says:

    This was really good Kristen! Thank you!

  7. Claire says:

    Wow this was such a great post for me today. 🙂 I had a situation today where I just wanted to feel sorry for myself, and I tried listing all of the things I was thankful for that God had given me. I was a bit discouraged because I kept wanting to be selfish and feel sorry for myself. Thanks for a wonderful reminder!

  8. Gabrielle says:

    Nicely written!!

    There are definitely some young men that are just average in looks, but become beautiful due to their character and love for God. When I court I surely want to focus on his character, his heart of gold, love for God, and things such as these, rather than his looks.

  9. Abby says:

    Very good post! Such a great reminder. 🙂 I feel that when I’m honoring God first above physical appearance, I feel joyful! I have confidence because I know I’m pleasing God.
    I can relate to how when you get to know someone’s inward beauty and they might not be the most attractive person on the outside, their inward beauty kind of rules over their outward appearance…and what I see is a beautiful person! It definitely stands out so much more.

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