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Real Women Know How to Accept an Act of Chivalry

By: Bethany Beal

What better place to observe the possibility of chivalry than in a room full of young singles at a Bible study. And that’s exactly where I was. The room was packed to the brim and almost every spare chair had been pulled out and used by the late arrivals.

Somehow a young lady had squeezed in unnoticed and ended up without a chair. She quietly made her way to a small ledge and found a way to lean/sit against it.

After a few moments, I noticed a kind young man quietly making his way towards her with his chair. He started to pull the chair out and set it up in front of her. At first, she said, “no thanks” and continued with her lean/sit situation.

The young man didn’t give up.

He quietly offered it again in a way that was so kind and caring. She finally accepted his act of chivalry and graciously took the seat.

I smiled inwardly and was encouraged to see such a kind act of chivalry from this guy.

He didn’t have to do what he did, but he did it anyway. He went out of his way to selflessly serve this young lady and used his strength in a good and God-honoring way. I was also proud of this young woman for denying her feelings of hesitation and accepting his offer. She didn’t have to accept his act of chivalry, but she did.

He was willing to give and she was willing to receive. It was an encouraging sight to see.

Sadly, stories like that one are truly becoming few and far between. With the gender lines being blurred men and women are losing a solid understanding of what it means to be masculine and what it means to be feminine.

Men no longer know how to be men and women no longer know how to be women.

God-defined gender distinctions are sadly becoming a thing of the past.

What used to be, “women and children first,” is now, “every man/woman for himself.” It’s not so much that men have stopped shouting, “women and children first,” it’s that so many of us, as women, have overpowered them with statements like, “We can take care of ourselves. We are just as good as you and don’t need a man to help us. Don’t pay for our meal. Don’t open our door. Don’t give us your seat. Don’t demean us with your acts of chivalry.”

Somehow and someway we’ve been deceived into believing that chivalry is demeaning.

That true womanly strength means rejecting acts of bravery and kindness and fending for ourselves. We’ve been told that real women defend themselves, take care of themselves, and make sure that men are put in their place… below women.

I hate to say this, but, that message is all a bunch of garbage.

The Bible is all about men being men and women being women. The Bible is in full support of the genders. The Bible is filled with stories of men selflessly protecting women and women selflessly accepting that love and protection.

We as women need to get back to the root of God’s Word and see if our hearts and actions match up to God’s truth about gender. Not the culture’s messed up version.

The truth is…

God-defined women don’t feel the need to prove their strength and worth to those around them.

God-defined women don’t feel the need to put men down.

God-defined women don’t deny acts of chivalry out of a heart of pride.

God-defined women don’t despise gender differences.

God-defined women don’t view true biblical femininity as gross and outdated.

God-defined women don’t view men as lesser than themselves.

I’ve realized that it truly takes a strong woman to embrace gender distinctions.

It takes a strong woman to put away her pride and accept acts of chivalry from men.

It takes a strong woman to reject the culture’s definition of manhood and womanhood.

It takes a strong woman to acknowledge her special and unique God-given feminine qualities.

It takes a strong woman to accept the fact that men and women are created equally valuable but purposely different.

My prayer is that each one of us will start small by accepting acts of chivalry from men. Allow men to help and protect you in the little ways. Cheer men on as they learn to use their God-given strength to love and serve the women around them.

I want to ask you some real and personal questions.

Are you hesitant to accept acts of chivalry from men? If so, why?

Are you afraid to allow men to treat you with kindness and care?

Do you push back when a man offers you his seat? Opens a door? Pays for a meal?

In what ways can you do a better job of accepting acts of chivalry from the men around you?


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59 Responses to Real Women Know How to Accept an Act of Chivalry

  1. Stephanie says:

    Hi Bethany! I sometimes feel uncomfortable allowing men to do things for me, because I tend to be very independent and I like to take lead…a lot, which isn’t good. Do you have any helpful tips on how to feel comfortable when men do things for me? Thanks! 🙂

  2. Celestria says:

    I think it’s so sweet when guys act all chivoulrous and want to carry heavy things for girls and stuff. I’m just the kind of person that if a guy was to offer me his chair, I’d be like, “oh no, that’s okay, I’m fine. Thank you though.” and I can honestly say it wouldn’t be because I felt weak or anything like that, but I wouldn’t want HIM to have to stand. I would feel bad. If I’m capable of doing something myself, I try to do it, not because I’m trying to be independent or show that I’m strong and don’t need men, but because I just don’t want to trouble them, you know?

    • Tatiana says:

      This might not be my place to say and if so I’m very sorry. If a young man offers to help you in some way you should accept it. Even if you’re worried about him being put out, not because you don’t care about him, but rather because you do! Allow him to chivalrous. It will do him a world of good I’m sure.

      • Celestria says:

        It probably would be good for him. I was reading an old post on the Rebelution the other day and it said, the hardest part for a guy isn’t carrying a box for you, it’s getting up the nerve to ask if he can help. And it’s only going to discourage him from being chivoulrous if you turn him down.

        Certain things I’ll let a guy do for me, like carry something that’s too heavy, or pull out my chair, open a door. It’s just when I feel like, “I’m able to do this, I don’t want him to go to any trouble.”
        But I should accept help just to encourage them.

        • Haylie says:

          I think you nailed it with your last sentence there 🙂 That’s what being brothers and sisters in Christ is all about. Encouragement.

  3. Tatiana says:

    My brothers always open doors and pull out seats. The first time another guy did anything like that for me was when I was meeting a good friend of mine for the first time. He opened every door for me and when I had trouble getting down some steps he gave me his hand. Not once did I feel like he was demeaning me. In fact, the whole thing made me feel more important. Truth be told I’ve never felt prideful twang when a guy wants to be kind and do something for me. I find the whole thing to be very sweet and selfless. I would have to think awfully hard to try to find a way I can do a better job of accepting acts of chivalry.

  4. Haylie says:

    This is a really neat article. I know I have some pretty serious pride issues, so this can be very hard for me. I don’t like needing things, and sometimes I feel that letting guys do things for me seems… kinda pathetic. But it truly isn’t! Slowly, I think I am understanding how to nudge my brothers in Christ toward chivalry, but it really starts in my own heart. Will I accept it with a selfless, grateful heart, or will I refuse in pride? Good post.

  5. Brooklyn says:

    Sometimes, I am hesitant to chivalry. Not because I try to be, but because I’ve had so few men act chivalrous to me. The few times that someone has gone out of his way to be kind, I start to “push back”, just because I’m not exactly sure what to do. I need to start watching myself and letting men play out their God defined roles.

  6. Katherine says:

    Amen! Love this post more men and women should see this .

  7. Rebekah Teravskis says:

    Thank you so much Bethany! Here in CA chivalry is definitely missing. Accept for my brother and dad, chivalrous acts are few and far between and I attempt to encourage every one of them. I wish guys in CA were a little more chivalrous. Thanks for your blog post. It really encouraged me to be a woman who applaudes chivalry in guys. If a change needs to happen it starts with me.

    • Dani M. says:

      You should try being in AK. We’re expected to be tough, and we have to do just as much hard labor as guys, so we’re seen even more as ‘being able to fend for ourselves’, if you will, even among conservative Christians.

      • Rebekah Teravskis says:

        I can imagine how hard it is. I guess the hardness of our situations shows us how God wants us to encourage chivalry and manliness in the men in our lives. Even though this is counter-cultural for both AK and CA.

  8. Katie says:

    Very, very convicting and encouraging article. Thank you so much for posting it! 🙂

  9. pumpkinpatch14 says:

    Wow something that I’ve failed to act on and see. So often I’ll playfully say aw what a gentleman! But do I really mean it? Do I say it to make fun or do I do it to encourage?

  10. Emmy says:

    Thanks for this article, Bethany! I know some say that an act of chivalry like opening the door for someone else has nothing to do with gender roles, but is just what we should all do to bless each other. I understand that perspective to some degree, but what they are generally missing is that a simple act of selflessness that a man performs for a woman is a small reflection of how men should treat women in bigger matters: not as someone weak and helpless, but as God treats His bride, with sacrificial love.

  11. Michela says:

    I love it when a young man is gracious enough to open the door for me, offer me a seat, help me carry something, etc. When I was a sophomore in high school, I distinctly remember a time when a sweet 6th grade boy showed me chivalry. It was a typical Wednesday night in youth and the room was very crowded. Chairs were scarce, so my friend and I decided to sit on the floor. Not five seconds later, this 6th grade boy came up to us with two chairs and asked if we would like to sit in them. She and I accepted his kind offer and I noted the fact that this boy took a seat on the floor. Is that not sweet or what?! 🙂 I have never forgotten that and it always brings a smile to my face when I think of it. Men showing chivalry is a great thing to see, but when it’s a boy of 10 or 11, that’s extra special.

  12. Jack Medaris says:

    Of course it’s nice to be nice to people. All humans should try to be kind and helpful to others. But women certainly do not owe it to men to accept whatever favors they offer. And if someone, for whatever reason, doesn’t need or accept your act of kindness, there is nothing wrong or ungodly about them, and it’s not fair to say they’re not a “real woman”.

  13. Abigail Jackson says:

    Right on! Thanks for pointing this out! I think that a lot of guys still want to be chivalrous, but they’ve never been taught how to or they are afraid of offending the woman they’re trying to be kind to. Let’s stand up against this ridiculous idea that it is offensive for a young man to respect and honor a woman and instead accept and ENCOURAGE chivalry in our brothers. #UFRM (Underground Feminist Resistance Movement)

  14. Redeemed says:

    ​This is so good! I used to be one who would refuse acts of chivalry
    because I didn’t want to be a bother to the young man who was offering
    it to me. But then I came to realize that often when I refused, the
    young man would look disappointed or like it made him feel silly for
    asking. A lot of times a man WANTS to be sacrificial for young ladies,
    and giving me ​his coat when I don’t have one, or giving up his seat for
    me gives him satisfaction. It makes him feel like a man. This is not
    treating women as less important–it is Christlike. Men and women both
    portray different aspects of God’s character, and men can show us
    Christ’s sacrificial love. Thanks for a great article!

    • I have indeed seen this also. I always love when men are chivalrous and try my best to commend them for it. I believe that any young man who does this act is truly wanting to show Christ…because otherwise he would be like every other man.

  15. Anne Isabelle says:

    Sometimes I am hesitant to accept acts of chivalry, mostly because I feel like I can do it myself. But like so much more, it’s something I’m working out! I see how I can help guys fulfill their God- made purpose, and that changes my mind. That is when I am more than happy to let them be who God created them to be 🙂

  16. Wow, this is a great article. I’ve grown up with 4 brothers so I’m used to having guys do things for me and I don’t feel degraded at all. In fact, I think it is honoring to a woman when a man acts chivalrous; it shows that they are looking out for a protecting women. Thank you for this article!

  17. Marie says:

    I can very much relate to Brooklyn, Redeemed, and Celestria! I don’t always like accepting chivalry, sometimes because I’m not used to it and don’t really know what to do and sometimes because I don’t want to be a bother or have the man going without. It’s kinda frustrating because, as a Christian I’m supposed to look out for the interests of others, so if a man is trying to offer me his coat when I know he’s just as cold as I am, if not colder, then should I refuse or accept? I have the same problem when it comes to paying for meals. I just feel terrible.
    On another note, I jave to agree with Jack Medaris: “…it’s not fair to say they’re not a ‘real woman’.” Every female is a real woman because God made her a real woman, the question is whether or not she is a lady. The same goes for men… Every guy is a real man because God made him a real man, the question is whether or not he’s a gentleman! Please, please remember!!
    Thank you for the post!

  18. Nikole, God's child says:

    I’m used to feeling like I’ll have to pay them back someway so I try not to get in “debt”

  19. Dani M. says:

    Yes! Thank you!

    Something I’d like to see from you ladies is something about what guys are looking for in their future wives. I see so much about ‘this is what I want my husband to be like’, yet girls don’t seem to consider that guys might have things that they want in a girl. It really kind of saddens me that no one seems to care enough about what they can give the other person, and will only think about what they can receive. I would like to know what are some kinds of things guys want in their wives.

  20. SedaJane says:

    I’m always happy to accept acts of chivalry if I sense they’re motivated by respect or kindness. If they’re motivated by condescension or patronization or obligation, not so much. I also feel annoyed when someone’s trying so hard they make it more difficult and awkward for everyone involved, like when a guy’s on the wrong side of the door and he tries to hold it for me even though it would be easier for both of us if he just went through it. And sometimes I return the favor and hold the door for men. 🙂

    Of course, the other half of the issue is that women should be strong and capable of taking care of ourselves. We don’t always have men around to protect us, so we need to be able to do that for ourselves. One of the nice things about being a Christian feminist is having the example of strong Bible women (like Deborah) to show us that side as well. So it is with chivalry – what’s the context? If he’s offering it because he thinks I’m weak and helpless – well, that’s not a relationship of respect. I’d rather he leave me alone. Fortunately, a lot of men offer it because they’re gallant and kind, and they don’t see us as “less than.”

    • Jen says:

      You are a man. You should not read this blog. You should not act as if you are a woman.

      • SedaJane says:

        What do you think gives you the authority to make those judgments about who I am and what is right for me to do?

        • Rose says:

          Jen is right, mister! …If you’re questioning the authority she has in telling you that you shouldn’t be acting as if you are a woman then that is God’s authority so that is something between you and God. It’s not right to mess with the way He has created you. If you call yourself a follower of Christ Jesus then it is the place and duty of other Christians to judge you and point out your sin. It’s a duty we all have to each other, therefore, Jen has done right. If you don’t call yourself a Christian, that would be a different matter.

          • SedaJane says:

            I am a Christian, and a follower of Christ Jesus – which I guess means I have the same duty to point out sin as you do.

            It appears that you and Jen are saying that me being a trans woman is sin, right? It isn’t.

            It also appears that you are saying Jen’s authority is God’s authority. Is that correct, or am I mis-reading your statement?

            And you are both calling me a man, which I am not. Doesn’t that mean that you are guilty of the sin of bearing false witness against your neighbor? (Ex. 20:16)

            (VOTD: Ps. 143:10)

          • Rose says:

            Yessir, you do have that duty, as well.
            God created you as a man because that’s what He wanted you to be. “He created them male and female” and that is what you will always be whether you like it or not.
            What I meant is that Jen said that you shouldn’t act like you are a woman and that’s also what God commands. He wants us to be who He created us to be. Men are not allowed to try to be like women and women are not allowed to try to be like men. 

          • SedaJane says:

            If that’s the correct reading of Gen. 1:27, then where do people with AIS, Klinefelter’s syndrome, and all the other intersex conditions come from? That there are people who exhibit physical characteristics that are both male and female at the same time is indisputable. This extends to the brain – according to studies referenced by Thomas E. Bevan, PhD, “The evidence for this biological basis [of transgenderism] is currently spread across some 22 scientific disciplines.” Call it the Galileo factor – hundreds of years ago, Judeo-Christian religious tradition held that the geocentric view of the solar system was simple fact. Scientific evidence has changed the way we view that Scripture, and we now understand that the heliocentric view is correct. Science has found, across those 22 disciplines, that my brain is female, regardless of what my body might be. If anything, Scripture supports that view more than not.

            Where does your identity reside? In your body, or in your brain?

          • SedaJane says:

            It might help to relate a bit of my journey of faith. It’s really hard figuring out what’s going on when you’re a transgender Christian. All the Scripture people point out to you seems to indicate transgender is sin (the passages that indicate otherwise are ignored). It was so bad that it completely broke my faith, and for a time I rejected Christianity completely. And in that dark place, Christ came and lifted me up – in small things, at first. But as I started once again to pray and read my Bible, so my faith grew, until now it is much stronger and deeper than it ever was before I transitioned.

            If it’s a sin to be trans, why would accepting my womanhood as a trans woman increase and solidify my faith in God? Why would it bring peace?

          • Rose says:

            “If it’s a sin to be trans, why would accepting my womanhood as a trans woman increase and solidify my faith in God? Why would it bring peace?” Truth is not based on feeling. Show me, from the Bible, where what you are saying is supported.

          • SedaJane says:

            Well, I notice you didn’t answer my questions, but that’s okay because I’ll be glad to answer yours. But before I do, I’d like to pray the last two verses of Ps. 139 – with you, if you’re willing.

            First, faith is not a feeling – it’s “the substance of
            things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Heb. 11:1).

            Gal. 5:18-23, esp. 22 – “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,” (and Ecc. 2:26, and Rom. 2:8-10).

            Phil. 4:7 – “And the peace of God, which passeth all
            understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

          • SedaJane says:

            And briefly, some verses that seem to me to support what I said in my post from this morning: Ps. 139:14-16; Gen. 1:27; Isa. 56:3-5; Matt. 19:11-12. And I could expound on those a lot, but the comment would be too long.

          • Rachel M. says:

            Let me get this straight; you are saying these verses that you just listed support being transgender? These verses say that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. This means that God designed us by hand and made us just how we are. That does not support transgenderism at all! That means that God made us the gender we are and He did not make a mistake. if you are truly a Christian, you should know that God does not make mistakes. If you believe the Bible supports transgenders then you are wrong. Transgenders believe that it was a MISTAKE that they were born the gender they were. That means that they believe that GOD made a MISTAKE.

            So tell me again, how does the Bible support transgenderism? It doesn’t!

          • SedaJane says:

            Hi Rachel,
            What I’m saying is that transgenderism is biologically caused, like intersex, or cleft palate, or club foot, or left-handedness, or AIS, or some kinds of diabetes, etc. etc. The evidence for this, including both genetic and epigenetic causes, as well as differentiation in the brain, is overwhelming and undeniable. It’s a medical condition. So, either God made us this way, in which case those verses DO support trans people. Or, God makes mistakes, and those verses are pretty much irrelevant. Or, … I don’t know, maybe there are other possibilities. I’m open. But, being a trans woman who is Christian and who does not believe that God makes mistakes, I’ll go with the first option at this point.

            Or do you question the existence of people who suffer the stuff I listed above?

            Notice that it is you – presumably a cis woman – who claims that trans people believe God makes mistakes. I AM a trans woman, and I do not believe that God makes mistakes.

          • Rachel M. says:

            I don’t mean to sound rude as I realize my last comment did. I sincerely apologize. However, let me set the record straight. I am a left-handed woman who has multiple hand and foot deformities. God made me with only two toes on each foot, along with webbed fingers and an extra fingernail. I have had multiple surgeries to make shoes fit better and to make my hands work correctly. These surgeries were not because I did not agree with the way God made me. I had them after a lot of prayer about what would be easiest for me and my family.

            Let me explain why this is an important factor. According to your last comment you believe that transgenderism is a medical condition. So, to break it down here, you believe that God created you with a desire to be the opposite gender than you were born as.

            If you do not believe that God created this desire for a change, let me put it another way. You believe that you were born the incorrect gender, and it is just a medical condition that must be treated.

            So, let me apply my case. The God of the universe, who fearfully and wonderfully created me, created me with this medical condition that must be fixed. However, what if I thought that being left-handed was the medical condition that must be fixed? What if I thought that being left-handed was against the natural order of things?Therefore, I would believe that God created me against the natural order of things.

            If you are transgender, you believe that you have a condition that must be treated. You believe that God created you the incorrect gender and it is up to you to change it. Or, you believe that God created you with this desire, and it is up to you to fulfill this desire.

            God made us the way He did and we cannot change how He made us to fit our expectation of ourselves. My surgeries were because we prayed and asked God what we could do to take away the pain I would feel when wearing shoes. God would not want you to change your gender because of a “feeling” or “belief.”

            Have you ever considered the possibility that you are just different personality wise? Maybe instead of action movies, guns, fighting, and fishing, you preferred cooking or teaching. Maybe you did not fit the stereotypical mold of men. That is very common. Instead of switching genders, which is against God’s design, try other things that you seem to enjoy.

          • SedaJane says:

            Of course. I’m pretty sure I considered all the possibilities. Transition was a last resort that saved my life. And God has blessed me.

            No, I don’t believe that God made me with a desire to be a different gender, nor that He created me with an incorrect gender. God created me with the (female) gender I have, and I don’t have any choice about it. I can’t change my gender. If I hadn’t transitioned, I’d be a very unhappy trans woman who was pretending to be a man (except that I’m very sure I’d be dead now), but I’d still be a trans woman. (I’d also be lying and deceiving everyone, which I’m pretty sure is a sin.) Is it so very hard to believe that a brain can be formed differently, even though you can see how that affects people with Down’s Syndrome or autism? Even though you have a similar experience with your hands and feet?

            Like you, my surgery came after a ton of prayer, after asking God to take that burden away from me, after finally accepting that it wasn’t going to happen, and after plenty of therapy and medical consultation. Like you, I got surgery to end the pain – the intense suffering of Gender Dysphoria. And it did. The day after surgery, I knew I would never need my Xanax prescription again, and I threw it away. It’s not about stereotypes, nor about a strange desire to be someone else, it’s about accepting what is and doing what is necessary to end the pain and make life bearable. That transgenderism is a medical condition is an established fact, and medical protocols for treating GD have been developed based on best outcomes. In my case, transition improved every aspect of my life – including my relationships with family, with friends, with my children, with myself, and with God.

            From my perspective, reading your comment above, it seems that you are saying that it’s okay for you to get treatment for your medical condition(s), but it’s not okay for me to get treatment for mine. Am I reading that right?

            I’ve also noticed that in your last two comments, you’ve told me what I believe (and got it wrong). Have you thought about asking me what I believe?

          • Rachel M. says:

            God did not create you as one gender, but put you in the body of another gender. That is messed up. How I see it, if God made you one gender, but put you in a different body, that means He made a mistake. I am not going to go into all the verses that show that transgenderism is wrong as that would make this post very long. I have verses that clearly are against transgenderism, and no one can argue with how clear they are. I will list a clear one here, but I encourage you to look for the many more: Deuteronomy 22:5-“A woman shall not wear man’s clothing, nor shall a man put on a woman’s clothing; for whoever does these things is an abomination to the LORD your God.”

            Now, I have listed one verse here, and that might not be enough proof for you. But, think about this: If God wrote one thing in His Word, but then wrote something against it in another part of His Word, that would mean that the Bible is incorrect somewhere. Now we know that God’s Word is holy and perfect. So if I have just listed a verse that clearly states that transgenderism is wrong, then how can any verses support it?

            Now, to address your questions at the end of your last post: My surgeries were not against God’s Word in any way. God does not say in His Word that it is wrong to have surgeries on your feet to remove bones and such. My medical conditions are not something that go against God’s Word.

            Secondly, I am not trying to say that you specifically believe what I listed in my last posts, but those are things I have heard from many trans people. I’m sorry if it sounded that way. What do you believe?

          • SedaJane says:

            Deut. 22:5 is a good example of the verses that are selected to justify condemning trans people, because:
            a. I’m fine with it – I’m not a man, I don’t wear men’s clothing, and I don’t even own any men’s clothing.
            b. We are no longer under the law, we’re under grace (Rom. 6:14-15).
            c. If Deut. 22:5 applies to me, then doesn’t Deut. 22:11 apply to you? And Deut. 22:21-22? And on and on… and
            d. It says absolutely nothing about transgenderism. Nothing.

            So no, as an argument that transgenderism is against God, that isn’t clear. However, Isa. 56:3-5 is pretty clear, and it gives me a lot of comfort.

            So consider this: if God wrote one thing is His Word, and the way that that thing has traditionally been interpreted is in conflict with proven scientific evidence, and there is another interpretation and another passage that is not in conflict with proven scientific evidence, is the traditional interpretation wrong? Consider that 500 years ago church officials were as astounded and offended by the idea that the earth revolves around the sun, as you seem to be that trans people exist. We know that God’s Word is holy and perfect, and I’ve just shown you that Deut. 22:5 does not address transgenderism, and I’ve also shown you with Isa. 56:3-5 that trans people who obey and worship God are blessed “… with an everlasting name that shall not be cut off.” How then, can my surgery be against God? And how can any verse condemn trans people?

            You say, “How I see it, if God made you one gender, but put you in a different body, that means He made a mistake.” But notice that by your own words, that is only your opinion. Your opinion trumps neither God, nor God’s word, nor medical science. Do you deny that people with CAH exist? How do you determine gender when someone has genitalia of both genders? Do you deny that abnormalities of the brain result in things like autism? Then why is it so hard to understand that someone can have a female brain in a male body, or vice versa?

          • SedaJane says:

            As for what I believe – of course that’s too open-ended a question, and I could take it anywhere, but I’ll settle for this:
            1. I believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the living God
            2. I believe that Gender Dysphoria (GD) causes intense and often debilitating suffering, and sometimes death (an acquaintance of mine died of it last year). Heck, I *know* that – I’ve experienced it. I believe that denying someone who suffers from GD medical and social transition treatment is cruel and unjust, thus violating the first two principles listed in Micah 6:8; and I believe that when someone believes that her or she understands another person’s suffering better than that person understands their suffering, it violates the third.

          • Rachel M. says:

            Read Romans 1:20-31. This passage does say a lot about homosexuality, but it says that it is an abomination to do the unnatural. If you say we are not under Old Testament Law, if have verses from the New Testament that are against transgenderism. I encourage you to read the New Testament with an open mind towards this subject.

            God does not create people against His design. Go back to Genesis 1:27-So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. God specifically formed you in your mother’s womb as a man.

            I am commanded to love you even if I disagree with your beliefs. If you have accepted Jesus into your life and made Him your Lord, Savior, and King, you will spend eternity with God. When we get to heaven, our eyes will be opened, but there will be no more fighting. We will worship our King side by side. Therefore, I am not going to continue to argue with you as the most important thing is that we share the gospel with those around us and live out the Great Commission.

            Numbers 6:24-26
            God Bless You!

          • SedaJane says:

            Re: Romans 1:20-31 – exactly! It is an abomination to do the unnatural. As you are (I assume) a cis woman, it would be an abomination for you to live as a man. Because I am, undoubtedly, a trans woman, it would also be an abomination for me to live as a man. And I have explored the entire Bible, in depth, with an open mind, to come to these conclusions. I’d turn it right back to you – explore Matt. 19:11-12 with an open mind.

            You keep saying that God doesn’t create people against His design, but then refuse to answer questions about the existence of intersex people. Are intersex people part of God’s design? If they are, why are trans people not? If they aren’t, how do you explain their existence? You won’t find intersex people in the Bible, unless the verses I’ve cited regarding eunuchs apply to them. And yes, let’s go back to Gen. 1:27, and throw in Gen. 5:2 for clarification: “Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and *called their name Adam*, in the day when they were created.” (asterisks added for emphasis).

            And now we get to the most important point: “…the most important thing is that we share the gospel with those around us and live out the Great Commission.” Yes. But the effect of so many Christians condemning trans people as abominations, as “worse than terrorists,” etc., for something that is completely beyond our control and something that is not clearly nor specifically condemned in God’s Word, has the very real effect of denying the gospel to most of the trans people I know. I have a friend, the son of a pastor, who truly believes that God hates him because he’s trans. A lot of my trans friends are atheists, because the preaching they hear is so far removed from their life experiences, the proven scientific facts, and the blessings they’ve received from transition. I know quite a few trans people who have left the Christian churches they grew up in because they were unable to reconcile their life experiences with the opinions of their pastors and brothers and sisters in Christ; I only know a single person who has ever re-transitioned to join a church, and she transitioned back after a few years with her health broken, intense despair, and almost committing suicide. She recommends that people “run, don’t walk, away from Christians.”

            This is my passion – to turn that around, to open the gospel to my trans brothers and sisters. That cannot happen so long as so many Christians continue to deny the reality of our existence and condemn us for being who we are and doing what we need to do to survive. And I believe that God will judge those Christians – Matt. 25:31-46; Rom. 2:1-3.

            Numbers 6:24-26 is a very nice blessing. Thank you. And back atcha!

          • Rachel M. says:

            Thank you. I do not define trans people as “worse than terrorists.” I simply do not agree with them, but there will always be something that people do not agree on. I believe in loving my neighbor as myself and it is sad to see so many Christians not obeying one of the commands that Jesus listed as one of the greatest commands. (Mark 12:30-31)

            To address intersex people very quickly: I would honestly have to study that some more. Let me get some more facts and I will get back to you in a day or so. Thanks.

          • SedaJane says:

            I know you don’t – you sent me Numbers 6:24-26 🙂 However, it is a direct quote, from Sally Kern back in 2003 or 4, and I’ve seen video of a couple of pastors saying that since. I’ve also seen two videos of pastors praising the Pulse nightclub shooting and calling for the murder of all LGBT people. Yeah, it hurts.

            As for intersex, I’d recommend the ISNA – isna (dot) org . They have a lot of good info.

          • Rachel M. says:

            Also, I am so ashamed of Christians who do not seem to love those that they disagree with. I am so sorry that so many people say such things, especially Christians.

          • SedaJane says:

            Ikr! It’s like they’ve cut big chunks out of their Bibles – Matt. ch. 5-7, Rom. 2, 1 Cor. 13, 1 John 3 & 4, the entire book of James, etc.

  21. I’ll admit that I sometimes have a hard time letting guys do things for me. I’m just one of those people who likes doing things for myself, and I also don’t like bothering others by letting them do something for me.
    I think I’m getting better at letting guys do things for me.
    And a lot of the time, I let them help me, but I try to help them help me. Ya know?
    But I think us as girls really should let guys help us, let them give up their chair for us… Encourage them!
    Just my thoughts…

  22. Celtic Princess says:

    For myself, a big part of my difficulty with accepting acts of chivalry was worrying that I had acted in a flirtatious manner, and that was why he wanted to open my door, or worrying that he was trying to flirt with me and steal my heart. Looking back, I realize that my whole outlook on life was flawed. I was filtering every aspect of life through a ‘could he be the one’ lens; rather than seeing guys as brothers in Christ, I acted as though they were all about making me happy. The whole chivalry thing, especially living in the south where it’s very prevalent, has taught me a lot about relating to my Christian guy friends as brothers in all purity. I don’t go gaga when my brother helps me with something or opens my car door, so I really shouldn’t go nuts when a guy at church does the same. It has be come a practical step for me toward living out a concept that can be difficult to articulate for everyday life.

  23. Kaela Schultz says:

    Thank you soooooooo much! I needed this!!!

  24. Rachel says:

    As a girl, is it fine to open the door for guys when they’re after you?

  25. Mimi says:

    This year a lot of guys are really kind and let the women go first in hallways and so on. I was taught by my parents always to think about the other person and so it took a while for me to accept these acts of chivalry. But were my parents right? My mom is anything but a feminist but she never let guys open her doors. Im confused. all I know is that guys light up when you accept these acts so I guess they are OK

  26. Emmanuelle Harris says:

    I don’t mind chivalry at all. I appreciate it, but only when it’s done with the right attitude. I do not appreciate “chivalry” that comes from a place of superiority and condescension. When a boy offers to lift something for me because he thinks I can’t do it, I do find that offensive, not kind. When chivalry comes from a place of respect for me as a person, as a true kindness and a courtesy, not because he thinks that I am incapable, weak, or lesser.

  27. Halee Westbrook says:

    Yes! I am very blessed to be in a church full of people that are passionate about gender lines, you can tell just by walking in our door!

  28. Rebecca Bays says:

    I have a few questions, but here’s a little background first:

    I am involved in JROTC, a military training program in high school (you are not required to go into the military, it is really just a leadership class based around the military). I have a relatively high leadership role in the program, which I am so thankful and proud to have earned. As a result of my involvement in the program I am constantly surrounded by guys, and many of them are gentlemen, but many others only offer help to show off how strong they are. In addition, if we as females in JROTC accept help from the males in the program they often take it as a sign that we like them, or we are seen as weak.

    So is it alright for me to politely decline their acts of chivalry so as to not portray myself as a weaker member of the program? And is there any way for me to accept their acts of chivalry while making it clear that I do not have any feelings for them (politely of course)?

    On a slightly different note, there is a guy that I like who is in JROTC with me, who is always showing acts of chivalry. He is a strong christian guy, with a clear love for the Lord, he is highly involved in both JROTC and in his church, and he takes every chance he has to show acts of chivalry. I am one of the few girls in the class period that he is in (and I have known him longer than any of the other girls in my class have). He always offers acts of chivalry such as putting my chair up after class, taking my textbook back, getting a copy of the worksheets for me, etc., but he typically only offers these acts of chivalry to me (and occasionally another girl if she is sitting on the other side of me). He sits next to me almost every class, but that may be because I like to sit in the front row. I do Bible quizzing and Bible study with him on Saturdays, and between quiz practice and Bible study a group of us went out for coffee (I was the only girl because his sister had to help out with something at the church), and he insisted that I went first, and insisted on paying for my drink. As we were leaving his church after Bible Study his father would not even let me hold the door (he was polite about it, saying he had it), so he was definitely raised to show chivalry to every woman in his life.

    So my question now is could these acts of chivalry and sitting next to me mean something? Or is he just being a friend and a gentleman?

    I know this is an old post, so if you don’t see my comment I understand, but if you have any advice, or any answers for my questions it would be greatly appreciated!

    Thank you!

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