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How I Recovered from Being a Desperate Flirt

By: Bethany Baird

It started when I was just 12 years old. I knew exactly what I wanted and I knew how to get it. Attention from Brandon was my goal, and flirting was my strategy.

I was at a church camp playing knock out (a basketball game) under the pavilion. Time was ticking. My parents would be there any minute to pick me up. I needed to act quick before I lost my chance.

Like a seasoned pro I put on my flirty smile, ran up to Brandon and grabbed the bandana from around his arm. Of course he chased after me and played right into my little game.

Score! Mission accomplished. My plan had worked.

That little incident was the first in a long line of flirting missions. I’d learned early in life that attention from boys was something I was good at getting. I knew how to play the game and I liked how the attention made me feel.

As I look back on my junior high and high school years, I can’t help but laugh in total embarrassment at the way I acted. I was *without a doubt* a desperate flirt. My sisters, parents and close friends can all testify to that. In fact, my family even has pictures to prove it. Oh the shame!

When I hit my early twenties I started to see my flirting actions for what they truly were.

I finally came to realize that I wasn’t simply having innocent fun. I was dependent on the attention I received from guys. My identity was built upon the foundation of being liked by guys.

When guys noticed me and liked me I felt good about myself. When guys didn’t notice me I felt bad about myself.

Can you relate to me on this one?

Thankfully God opened my eyes to my heart motivation and helped me realize that I didn’t need guys to like me (give me attention, etc.) in order to be special and valuable.

By the grace of God I finally realized this truth: My worth has nothing to do with guys, but everything to do with God.

This little nugget of truth has totally changed my life. I can’t help but wish that every one of you girls could embrace it and live it out.

Flirting Never Satisfies

As a former “desperate flirt” I want to share with you a few truths I wish I would have embraced earlier on in life.

1. Flirting Never Satisfies Long term

Flirting may be fun in the moment, but it always leads to emptiness and disappointment. Flirting is basically saying “I need attention from guys to feel good about myself.” I’m guessing many of you have struggled, or are currently struggling with that yourself.

If you really want to feel long term satisfaction, you have to turn to the true Source. Only Christ can ultimately satisfy and give you your true identity. When a girl is confident of Christ’s love and acceptance of her, she won’t feel the need to flirt. Check your heart on this one. Why do you feel the need to flirt?

2. Flirting is Selfish

Flirting (outside of marriage, or a God honoring serious relationship) at it’s core is a selfish act. Flirting isn’t about the other person, it’s about you. It’s about getting attention, making yourself feel good, and trying to get guys to fill your insecurities.

You were designed to find satisfaction through living a selfless, others focused life. In Ephesians 5:12 it says, “Therefore be imitators of God.” You, as a Christian girl, were created to imitate Christ’s life. That means living selflessly and putting other’s needs above your own. Flirting doesn’t fit into that “selfless, Christ-like” attitude, therefore it won’t satisfy.

3. Flirting Screams “God Isn’t Enough.”

As an experienced flirter (is that even a word??) I can testify to this statement. I bought into the lie that I needed God plus attention from guys in order to be happy. As the years rolled by and I matured in my relationship with Christ, I realized that God is enough. I don’t need attention from guys in order to feel valuable. I learned that God truly is my all in all.

Where is Your Heart?

Where is your heart on this flirting matter? Do you feel like you need God plus attention from guys in order to feel valuable and worth something?

I want to challenge you to be totally honest with yourself and do a heart evaluation. Ask yourself these three questions:

  1. Am I fully satisfied in my relationship with Jesus? Why or why not?
  2. Do I find myself regularly looking to guys to make me feel good? Why do I do this?
  3. What changes do I need to make in my life to become confident and satisfied in Christ’s’ love for me?

Photo Credit 

How I Recovered from Being a Desperate Flirt

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  • I saw this post’s title and smiled because I used to be a bit of a flirt, and I’m still struggling a little with flirting around the guy I like… Like you did, I am learning that God is sufficient for me. If God loves me enough to die for me, I don’t need guys to like me to give me my sense of worth!

    • Thanks for reading and for sharing! I love this, “I don’t need guys to like me to give me my sense of worth!” Amen 🙂 -Bethany

  • Thank you for this!!!!!!!

  • Good post!!! I can definitely relate!!! LOLOL!!!

  • Leisha

    What did you have to do to change ?


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