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When Romantic Fantasies Get the Best of You

By: Kristen Clark

I was at a major league baseball game recently with my grandparents when the strangest thing happened. As the game reached the ninth inning, an entire flock of teen and college age girls began swarming towards my section.

They quickly formed a line right across the aisle from where I was sitting. Apparently they were lining up to get photos with some guy.

I couldn’t figure out what was so special about this guy, so I asked one of the girls rushing past. She looked at me in slight shock and said. “It’s Juan Pablo Galavis!” I stared blankly back.

“Who’s that?” I asked. She looked even more shocked. “He’s from the TV show The Bachelor!” She said enthusiastically. “Oh…” I replied.

I sat back and watched this scene unfold several feet from where I was sitting.

Random girls took selfie after selfie with this “Juan” guy. They didn’t personally know him, but they were crazy about him.

He was their celebrity crush. He was their fantasy dream man. He was their picture of an exciting romance.

As girls, we love to dream. We love to imagine. We love to fantasize.

And that is exactly why shows like The Bachelor (which I’ve never actually seen and am not endorsing) are such a big hit. That’s also why chick flicks and romance novels are so popular amongst the female crowd.

The reason women are so drawn towards romance is because God created us to be highly relational beings. He created us with a natural bent towards nurturing relationships, loving people, and desiring that love back.

That’s why (on average) most of us women love to communicate about everything, love to chit-chat more than guys, desire romance more than guys, stick in groups more than guys, head to the public restrooms like a social event, and use the word “love” more than guys.

We are highly relational beings which is why we love romance.

And this is a great thing – when used in the right context.

Sadly though, because of our sin nature and our enemy (Satan), we are highly tempted to use our relational bent in the wrong ways. When we don’t receive as much romance and “love” as we desire, we start looking for alternatives. We look for others ways to fill our love tank.

I believe one of the biggest outlets women turn to to fill their void is secret romantic fantasies. I’ve been guilty of this and I bet you have too.

Instead of being content with where God has us in life, we take a shortcut. We open up a romance novel and fantasize about the guy in the story. We pop in a chick flick and quietly re-live in our mind what’s on the screen. We turn on a sex-saturated TV show and fill our brain with sensual scenes.

We escape. We dream. We fantasize.

And in doing all of that…we lust. We allow something fake to arouse our sexual desires. We undercut God’s design for marriage by pursuing sexual pleasure outside of His design. And in doing so, we pollute our hearts and minds with chocolate covered garbage.

Here are 3 reasons why romantic fantasies are bad for us:

1. Romantic fantasies make it easy for lust to flourish.

Romantic fantasies almost always go hand in hand with sexual arousal and lustful imaginations. As Christian girls, we know that all forms of sexual pleasure are created for one purpose only – marriage. Outside of marriage God calls it sinful lust.

Song of Solomon says, “Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right.” As modern women we have countless opportunities to “awaken love before the time is right,” so we must be extra careful with what we watch, read and listen to.

2. Romantic fantasies create discontentment during your singleness.

Instead of being grateful for your season of singleness, all you can think about is the “day you’ll meet prince charming.” Dreams about your future “bachelor” consume your thoughts. Being single seems like the worst fate ever. You try to numb your discontentment by filling your mind with exciting love stories. You waste away your single years wondering if cupid will ever shoot your direction.

3. Romantic fantasies create wrong expectations for real love and romance.

One of the worst side effects of engaging your mind in romantic fantasies is that it distorts your definition of love. When you constantly fill your mind with dazzling sensual movies and unrealistic romance novels…real life romance might seem a little bland.

Without even knowing it, you create huge expectations for what your “future husband” must look like, act like, talk like, and treat you like.You create a dream world of romance that is completely centered around one thing – you. This is a very false and selfish picture of true love.

I’m not sure where you’re at in all of this or how much you’re struggling with romantic fantasies.

Whether it’s a little or a lot, I pray you will do whatever it takes to break free. Sexual sin will never satisfy you.


It’s a bitter water that never quenches your thirst.

I can’t encourage you enough to cut the lines that are feeding your romantic lust. Do whatever it takes. Stop watching the sappy love shows, stop reading the unrealistic romance novels, stop browsing the glossy magazines.

Stop feeding yourself this stuff.

It’s not going to help you maintain a pure heart and mind before God, or honor your future husband.

The thing that personally helped me the most when I struggled with this was to put down my Christian romance books, stop watching Chick flicks (10 Reasons I Don’t Watch Chick Flicks Anymore), and pray for God’s strength to control my thoughts. I had to remove the fuel from my mind and life.

I stopped filling my mind with garbage and focused on filling my mind with truth.

I memorized verses like Psalm 51:10, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” And guess what? God helped me find freedom! He helped me find satisfaction in my relationship with Him! And He can help you too. He will help you if you seek Him.

I want to close by challenging and encouraging you to get your focus off of yourself. Put your eyes, heart and attention on loving God and loving real people. Serve your family around you. Love the people around you. Thank God for your season of singleness. Cultivate a heart of gratitude.

And most of all, choose to wait for real love in God’s timing.

And when Mr. Right comes along, you’ll experience the beauty, excitement and purity of a God honoring romantic relationship.

What about you? I’d love to chat with you below.

  • Do you have some coming clean to do? Do you have some fuel sources to cut off?
  • What things in your life tempt you the most to have romantic fantasies? What helps you overcome your temptation?
  • What advice would you give to a girl who is really struggling in this area?

P.S. Comment on this post to be automatically entered into our Valentine’s book giveaway!

Photo credit: | 4241112147

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