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The Secret that Tormented Me

By: Bethany Baird

Long long ago when Kristen and I were just young girls, living at home, enjoying life and building tree forts, we stumbled upon a secret that kept us tormented for weeks.

Kristen asked my mom to type in the internet passcode on our big old desktop computer (laptops weren’t really a thing back in those dinosaur days). It just so happened that my moms fingers were greasy from the food that she was eating and the grease left marks on each key she pressed.

Kristen was a smart little whip and wrote down the letters on each greasy key and called me over to help decipher the code. Our parents left the house for a bit and Kristen and I carefully tiptoed to the computer and tried out our guess. BAM!

It worked on the first try.

We now had full access to our emails and the internet.

Why we wanted to keep this a secret and why we were so excited about this, I’m not really sure. I guess we just loved the fact that we had figured out the code, could sneak online and our parents had no idea.

For weeks Kristen and I would sneak onto the computer and check our email account or browse different sites.

Praise the Lord we didn’t stumble upon anything gross, scarring or inappropriate.

God was gracious to protect our little eyes!

Although we weren’t doing anything “bad” when we snuck online, our consciences were literally tormenting us. From the time that we figured out the passcode and kept it a secret, until the time we confessed, Kristen and I were literally living in fear.

Every time our mom or dad spoke to us, we trembled and had our secret at the front of our minds. Our secret was beginning to take over our lives. Everything became about keeping the secret and not getting caught.

We knew we were doing wrong by going online without permission and not telling our parents.

We knew we couldn’t go on like this forever.

Kristen and I talked it over and decided to confess. I clearly remember the day it happened. We went out to lunch with our dad and broke the news to him. He had a nice long talk with us, gave us our fair punishment and we never did it again.

As soon as we spoke the words and told our dad we both felt as light as a feather. We were free. No more running. No more hiding. We had freedom from our secret. It felt absolutely amazing!

Your little secret.

What about you? Have you ever had a secret that nobody knew about? Do you currently have a secret that nobody knows about?

Secret sins are some of the most tormenting things that can happen to a person. It causes you to hide, run, live in fear, turn against people, act weird and much more.

Check out what the Bible has to say about concealing or hiding sin.

He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy (Proverbs 28:13).

The truth is, you will never find true freedom in your life until you confess and open up about your secret sins.

I love what Kristen said in her post Serena’s Secret Sin. She said, “When you keep your sins a secret, you give Satan a strong foothold in your heart. Don’t leave the door of your heart cracked for Satan to come in and take that area to destroy your life.

“Remember, the Devil comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10a). He doesn’t want you to be open with your struggles or get help. He wants you to fail – and fail hard. He wants you to believe that it’s okay to keep those little struggles hidden, but it’s not okay! Small struggles turn into bigger ones that slowly take over.”

That is so true.

Small sins really do turn into bigger ones as your work hard to keep them covered.

One lie turns into another lie which turns into digging your hole even deeper. Soon you feel totally trapped with no way out.

Thankfully you have someone greater and more powerful and completely ready to forgive. In fact, Christ already died for your secret sin and says He will not only forgive you but will purify you if you confess.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us of our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9).

The key to finding freedom is confessing.

The only way that you can find true lasting freedom from your sin is to bring it out into the open and shine some light on it. Confess to your parents, wise woman or pastor. Don’t keep it to yourself.

If you have a secret sin in your life right now, don’t go another day without sharing it with your parents. Pray that God will give you the courage to be open and honest.

Even if it’s something small, take care of it today. You will be freed from that bondage and that is the best place to be!

Freedom at last.

Are you willing to gain freedom from your sin by bringing it into the light?
Who can you tell about your secret sin?
Will you stop right now and pray and confess your sin to God?

Photo credit: www.flicker.com | Starlights

Girl with hands covering eyes

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  • Mama Baird

    You two were so sneaky together! That’ll teach me to wash my hands before using the computer..LOL. Great post, Bethany!

  • Whitney

    This post really struck a chord with me. I have been struggling about whether or not I should share something to the appropriate parties. I have actually heard lessons similar to this recently, so I think I need to listen to what God is saying and share what I need to share.
    Thank you for sharing and bringing everything back around to scripture. I love reading your posts!

  • Nikki

    THANK YOU!

  • Kate

    I can’t say that I agree with this. Some people confess to God what they would rather keep private to other people until the time is right, or never. And that’s ok. No offense, but your “secret” is very small compared to the burdens that some people carry around.

    • Shanae B

      Of course there are much bigger ones out there. This was just an example for the point being made. You were being offensive.

  • Melissa

    I do not take secret sins lightly and I do agree with your conviction. I just want to say that I had fun reading your experience as young girls. Dami kong tawa. Ahahaha! 😀


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