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Seduction: Using Feminine Allure in the Right Way

By: Kristen Clark

Standing in front of my bedroom mirror, I checked-out at my new jeans. I thought to myself, you look seriously hot. I had been working out a lot, my skin was tan from being in the sun, and my new jeans were snug around my hips. Looking at myself up and down, I knew the guys would notice me. I wanted them to notice me. As a single girl, I wanted to be wanted.

As I headed out the door to meet up with my friends, I suddenly felt very powerful and alluring. Even seductive.

Without ever being formally taught, I knew how to use my femininity to get the attention and affirmation I wanted.

After meeting up with my group of friends, I instantly felt the glances and stares from the guys around me. One of my girl-friends even walked up to me and said, “girl, you’re looking extra hot tonight!” Mission accomplished. I felt hot, and other people thought I looked hot. I never lacked male attention that entire evening. Feeling desired, in-control, and powerful had never felt so good.

My desire to be alluring and seductive that night is something most of us, as women feel. We want to be beautiful. We want to be noticed. We want to be desired. We want to be pursued.

Most of us have also learned that we can use our feminine beauty in strategic ways to get what we want.

We see this being played out almost every day in our society. Beautiful women are often featured in advertisements as a way to attract onlookers. Clothing stores make sales by appealing to our longing to be noticed through the provocative clothes they sell. Social media is filled with sensual selfies from us, as women, hoping to be noticed and desired.  

So here’s the question. Is it wrong to be beautiful and seductive as a woman?

When we open God’s word, we will discover an eye-opening truth. Being seductive is something that comes naturally to most girls and women because it’s actually a part God’s sexual design for us (Proverbs 5:18-19, Song of Solomon 7:6-10). God purposely created women to be beautiful with soft skin, lovely curves, and feminine features.

The problem isn’t that we’re beautiful, seductive or have sexual desires, it’s that we’re embracing these things in the wrong context.

Sadly, what we see in our society isn’t God’s good plan for women. Using our bodies as a means to get attention, produce sales, and gain power is sinful and selfish. Using our feminine allure for personal gratification is selfish and prideful. Seducing the guys around us isn’t true love, but self-gratifying lust (1 Thess. 4:3-5).  

These are the wrong contexts for seduction and sexual allure.

Instead of falling in-line with how our society operates, we as Christian women, need to see what God’s Word has to say about how to properly embrace seduction and sexual allure.

Contrary to what many people think, God is actually pro-sex because He is the author and designer of it (Genesis 2). Sexual intimacy is a complete package deal created by God for the enjoyment of couples within marriage (Heb. 13:4). This package includes things like seduction, allure, desire, satisfaction, and pleasure. God isn’t shy about this either!

He gave us the entire book of Song of Solomon to illustrate the beauty of seduction and sexual enjoyment within marriage.

In our new book, Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationship, I share this:

“Many Bible scholars believe Song of Solomon is the actual love story between Solomon and his first wife (the Shulamite maiden). This beautiful love poem begins with the ‘courtship’ phase of the relationship, where the couple expresses and reciprocates their love for each other (see 1:2–3:5). Then their love story moves into the wedding stage, where the bride and groom cleave to one another and share their first night of sexual passion together (see 3:6–5:1).

And then, finally, the end of the poem paints a vivid picture of their marriage, showing the realities of a couple working through conflict, restoration, and growing in grace together (see 5:2–8:14). Song of Solomon is a candid and beautiful love story that should prepare us and get us excited about God’s design for sexual passion within marriage.”

God’s good plan is for us to enjoy the gift of sexual intimacy (and all that goes with it) within the beautiful context of marriage.

Even though we have strong sexual desires before marriage, God promises to give single women the strength to live a pure life if we seek Him (Psalm 118:14). God created us to be sexual beings from the moment we’re born and He knows our longings. We can trust that He will supply us with the strength we need to live righteously and walk in purity.

Psalm 118:14 says, “The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.”

Psalm 119:9 says, “How can a young man [or woman] keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word.”

Rather than embracing feminine beauty in the wrong ways, God is calling us, as Christian women to use our femininity in ways that will bless and serve those around us (Gal. 5:13-14).

Rather than being seductive and alluring, we should strive to radiate the beauty of Christ through our genuine love for others and desire to walk in purity.

I was convicted of this after that night out with my friends. God opened my eyes to see how wrongly and selfishly I had been using my feminine beauty as a single woman. I was looking to guys to be my satisfaction rather than Christ. Deep inside, I was trying to fill my longings with a temporary solution. I learned that seduction, in the wrong context, never satisfies long-term.

As one author says, “Seduction is a powerful tool to get a man’s attention…but at the deepest level of our heart, we desperately long for a relationship and to be cherished and loved by a man. Seduction doesn’t give us that.”

Seduction outside of marriage will always leave us empty and longing for more.

But seduction — within the beautiful context of marriage — will draw us closer to our spouse by fueling the intimacy we have with the one we’ve committed our lives to.

God’s ways truly are best. His plan for seduction and feminine allure within marriage are good. May God transform our desires and actions to be in line with His. May we live out our femininity (in every season of life) in ways that are truly beautiful and glorifying to God.

If you want to learn more about God’s design for love and marriage, grab a copy of our brand new book, Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationship. If you pre-order by April 30th, you’ll also get the complete audiobook, coloring book, and verse card set for FREE!

Let’s chat below. 

  • In what ways are you tempted to use your feminine allure in selfish ways?
  • How have you seen feminine beauty used in God-honoring way?

Photo Credit 

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  • Girlady Bouvier

    This article is just beautiful. I’m using to read articles who tries to teach us through fear and shame. No wonder why it never works! I loved how you showed that by protecting our feminine allure, we focus on the beauty that really matters. We realize that while mundane beauty is all about us, the Godly beauty is focused beyond ourselves, and doesn’t wear out with age. Like every truth that comes from God, it feels liberating and heartwarming to remember that!

  • Shanae B

    Spot on article! Good reminder to think why and for who we dress for! I thankfully grew up in a home were modesty was instilled to me from a very young age, so this hasn’t been much of a struggle for me. But totally see it in the culture. Even at church girls as young as 10 wear clothes and make up as if they’re in their twenties or stepping out of a fashion magazine, just to get a boys attention and/or to feel better about themselves and worth it. Instead of having their worth in God. My heart goes out to them. Thanks for posting!

  • This is a great topic and I’ve never thought of seduction and allure in this way! I’ve always thought of it to be sinful but in a marriage it is a beautiful thing.

    I’ve never been a flirty or seductive girl I’m just really shy and I’m choosing not to date until I’m ready for marriage (I’m 16) but still I find myself wanting attention from guys. Since I’m not a big flirter, guys don’t pay as much attention to me as other girls which can make me feel down sometimes. Whenever that happens I think of you guys and y’all beautiful love stories and how y’all waited and how God will bless my marriage as I wait.

    You guys are such an inspiration to me. I’ve always had a passion for purity and helping girls live out a God filled life of purity and joy and y’all have only grown that passion inside my spirit! May God bless y’all! You guys have a true gift from the Lord☺️❤️

  • Peace

    Wow, I love this post as it refers to me a lot. Yes, I dress modestly and want compliments from people to feel good about myself. When I was younger,I never cared what I wore, I dressed moderately and happily withoust caring of what other would say but now I am 16, I feel people are watching me and I want compliments from them. Thanks for this post as now I can feel happy dressing the right way even if no one is gonna compliment me. God bless you guys!
    Modesty in all things!

  • Jason Garrick Shirtz

    “Many Bible scholars believe Song of Solomon is the actual love story between Solomon and his first wife (the Shulamite maiden).”

    Good. Kristen and Bethany are aware then, that Polygamy was a God-sanctioned practice in the Bible, and therefore marriage as defined by the Bible is not “one man, one woman” but rather “one man, many women”.

    Could we see an article justifying the constant use of “one man, one woman” at some point, despite the Biblical evidence otherwise?

    It’s not just David and Solomon I’m talking about either.

    Abraham makes the list, as does Jacob, as does Esau, as does Moses.

    A quick google search pulled up a list of 40 Polygamous men listed in the Bible.

    I just don’t see how you can say with a straight face “The Bible says, one man, one woman” when that is very clearly not the case to anyone who has ever read the thing.

    • Voice of Reason

      God never approved of that practice. Ever. In each instance it occurred in the Scriptures, it ended terribly. TERRIBLY. Sin always ends with the death of something and even someone. Solomon was brought low because of this. David had a horrid lust problem and caused him to murder and even lose his own child. Abraham and Sarah’s sin caused their maidenservant and her child to be cast out forever. Polygamy is clearly disfunctional BECAUSE God never intended it to ever be, but allowed it to happen to show how sin affects us all.

      • Jason Garrick Shirtz

        You sure about that?

        Because the way I read 2 Samuel 12: 7-9 it sounds like God sanctioned David having multiple wives, although he did not sanction David committing adultery, nor did he sanction David committing murder.

        And Nathan said to David, Thou art the man. Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, I anointed thee king over Israel, and I delivered thee out of the hand of Saul;

        8 And I gave thee thy master’s house, and thy master’s wives into thy bosom, and gave thee the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would moreover have given unto thee such and such things.

        9 Wherefore hast thou despised the commandment of the Lord, to do evil in his sight? thou hast killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword, and hast taken his wife to be thy wife, and hast slain him with the sword of the children of Ammon.

      • Jason Garrick Shirtz

        Give those verses a good read. Please note the phrasing “I gave thee thy master’s wives”…. which was the Prophet Nathan in his “thus saith the Lord” voice; not his personal voice.

      • Jason Garrick Shirtz

        As far as the “it always ended “TERRIBLY” argument, that’s just not true. Yes; things went poor for King David, but that was due to aduletry, and murder, not having multiple wives. The prophet Nathan was a smart guy. He didn’t condemn David for having more than one wife, just for adultery and murder.

        And uh. I’m pretty sure that Jacob fathering the 12 tribes of Israel is not usually described as “ending terribly”.

        I’m also scratching my head trying to think of the karmic punishment that Abraham got for his multiple wives. As I seem to recall, there was no issue with that in the OT, and no bad end for him in any way, shape or form.

    • Skye

      We can confidently say that marriage in the Bible is “one man, one woman” because that is how it was for Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve were designed to be perfect, so their marriage arrangement is one that we should model for our own marriages. In cases like David, Solomon, Jacob, Esau, and Moses, they were all imperfect men with imperfect women. The Bible gives many other examples of different lifestyles: some bad, some good. By reading the Bible with the context in mind AND knowing God’s righteous standards, we can discern whether or not an example is one we should follow or not. Even though Adam and Eve made a mistake, God designed them and their marriage to be perfect. Therefore, it is the type of marriage that we should model ours after.

    • Jason Garrick Shirtz

      Skye, there are several major problems with that argument.

      1. God never actually said that Adam and Ever were married in the book of genesis. He said that they were to be “one flesh”. The inference that they were married by God, while popular, has no direct Biblical evidence to back it up.

      2. God never explicitly states that their marriage relationship was “perfect”. You can assume that prior to the Fall it was, but after the fall there is no evidence that their situation was “perfect”.

      3. You cite all of the other prophets/practitioners as “imperfect men with imperfect women” ignoring the fact that many of those “imperfect men” were kings, prophets and guides for Israel. According to the bible these “imperfect men” gained direct revelation from God , and surely would have been told by God that their marriages were sinful if it had been that high of a priority for God. Moses for example was given the Jewish code of health in the book of Leviticus, and also gained many commandments on the sexual practices observed by the Jews in that book. At no point in Leviticus does it prohibit Polygamy, and as that book is frequently cited as why God forbids Homosexuality, one would assume that if God actually wanted to make that clear, that’s the book where he would have done so.

    • Jason Garrick Shirtz

      My problem with the “one man, one woman” argument, is that it relies on relatively modern relationship mores, and has little to nothing to do with the claims made by the Bible.

      Abraham and Jacob; two of the major old testament prophets CLEARLY practiced Polygamy, and on top of that, received direct instruction from God according to the OT.

      that gives us a huge doctrinal problem: Did God not bother to tell two major OT prophets “Oh, by the way, your having more than one wife is a sin unto me, stop that”

      On top of that, the Law set forth by Moses had some regulations concerning the practice of Polygamy; such as not marrying sisters, and a few other odds and ends Finding these is as easy as doing a google search and looking in the books of Leviticus and Deuteronomy

      While many modern Christians like to claim that Polygamy is not a Godly practice, there is little; if any Biblical support for that idea. Marriage is hardly mentioned in the New Testament, and the facts and writings of the OT seem to support it.

      A “higher law” argument could be made from the passage from the OT, to the NT, but that same argument could be just as easily applied to invalidate any OT practice or prohibition; (such as banning homosexuality).

      You can make that argument if you like but if you do, don’t be shocked when some of your more “Liberal/Moderate” christian friends cite the same logic to justify their support of same-sex marriage.

  • Noelani Smith

    Thank you for this article!! ❤ It was very clear and helpful on understanding these particular topics.

  • Chelsea Ejimakor

    Great article. Mostly needed for women in our society today. Seduction will lead to fake relationship or marriage that will be cut short. Thanks Kristen


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