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Sex and the Single Christian Girl

By: Bethany Beal

Don’t think about it. Don’t talk about it. Don’t do it.

That is the thought process that many single Christian women have when it comes to the word “sex.” Instead of viewing sex through a healthy biblical perspective, we often view sex in a scary, confusing, distorted, negative, dirty and/or unhelpful way.

My prayer is that we can change that thought process.

Instead of waiting until you’re dating or engaged (or even married) to gain a helpful biblical perspective, begin that process now.

When single women understand a truly biblical perspective of sex, they realize that sex isn’t the end goal. They realize that a deep, intimate, all-knowing relationship with God is the true end goal.

As crazy as this may sound, I co-wrote Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart before I was engaged or even married. It sounds a little crazy, I know.

I didn’t set out to write that book because I had all of the experience and was a professional. I had no experience. I set out to write that book because I knew my own heart as a single woman. I knew my own questions. I knew my own struggles.

The topics of sex, purity, and inner longings aren’t something that only married women wrestle with. They are something all women wrestle with.

Single or married, all women are sexual beings.

Throughout the writing process, my perspective of sex drastically changed. As I studied God’s Word, I began to view sex through a much more holistic lense. I began to view sex as the metaphor that God created it to be. A metaphor of God’s desire to yada (deeply know) each and every one of us.

Here are a few of the things I began to understand better in writing this book…

  • I began to understand that an incredible sexual experience isn’t the end goal in life.
  • I began to understand that biblical sex is a million times more amazing than what Hollywood offers us.
  • I began to understand that true intimacy is about loving, serving, and giving.
  • I began to understand that a single woman can experience the reality of true intimacy (even if she never gets married).
  • I began to understand that a single woman’s longings and desires for sexual intimacy are a beautiful reminder that sex is only a metaphor of the deep/all-knowing relationship God created us to have with Himself.
  • I began to understand the word Yada (read about it in Chapter 7: Girl You Were Made for Intimacy)
  • I began to understand so many things that I hadn’t fully grasped before.

Here is a little bit of what I wrote as an unmarried woman in Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart.  

“As I type these words, I’ve never had sex and I have no real experience in this area. So, what does yada [In Hebrew, the word yada literally means, “to know deeply or intimately.] have to do with unmarried women? How can we benefit from this conversation on intimacy? When I first learned about the word yada, it totally blew me away.

I love that God uses the same word (yada) to describe both His relationship with us and sexual intimacy.

That means that single women do not have to wait until marriage to experience yada. We can experience the ultimate yada of deeply knowing God right now. He created us to be deeply known and for us to deeply know Him. He wants an intimate relationship with us.

When you take a step back and look at the bigger picture, you’ll quickly realize that sex is simply the metaphor that points to the real thing. The most satisfying thing we can pursue isn’t a mind-blowing sexual experience, but an authentic relationship with Jesus.

The next time you feel a sexual urge or wonder if you’ll ever experience sexual intimacy, allow those moments to remind you that your truest need is for a relationship with Jesus. Channel your longings toward knowing Christ deeply and finding ultimate satisfaction in Him.” -Chapter 7: Girl You Were Made for Intimacy

Instead of buying into the “Don’t think about it. Don’t talk about it. Don’t do it.” mindset, choose to grow in your understanding of true intimacy.

I guarantee you that a proper understanding of biblical sex and sexuality will only serve you in your season of singleness. The more you understand God’s heart for sex and intimacy, the more you will understand that He isn’t holding out on you. In fact, He’s doing the opposite.

He is offering you true intimacy right now through an authentic relationship with Himself.

I love these words in Psalm 139 which say, “You have searched me and you know [yada] my heart . . . for you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows [yada] it very well.” (Ps. 139:1, 13, 14).

I want to personally challenge you to break the mold and begin pursuing a biblical view of sexuality right now. Don’t wait until you’re dating or engaged. Begin that journey right now.

Single women are sexual beings.

Don’t you think it would be incredibly helpful to understand why God created you that way?

To help you in that journey, you can just scroll through the past few months worth of blogs and videos right here on girldefined.com. If you’re more of a video girl, head on over to our YouTube channel and watch the many videos we’ve recently posted that dig into God’s design for sex and sexuality.

If you want to get even more serious, grab a copy of Sex, Purity and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart. That book was written for the purpose of helping women (single or married) understand God’s good and freeing design for sexuality.

What about you?

What practical steps do you need to take in order to gain a more biblical view of God’s design for sex?

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7 Responses to Sex and the Single Christian Girl

  1. Suzanne says:

    Okay, see this is my problem with all the sexual stuff going around. It seems that everybody talks about it, everybody seems to be doing it, and our whole society is thinking about this all of the time and sending us messages about this all of the time. So we are not living in the hush hush mindset in this area of life. I am actually getting tired that that’s all people talk about these days, including your ministry. Yes, I know it is Christian based and all that, but it is just getting really old. Can you please start talking about something else? Hollywood and society talk about this topic plenty and so I don’t want Christian blogs talking about it as well. I am wanting something that is actually going to help me right now, in my season of life. I hope you can understand. Thank you!

    • Shanae B says:

      I know where you’re coming from! As a single 30 year old who’s waiting for marriage, I’ve had to be very mindful of even christian blogs/site to guard my heart and mind because everyone is talking about it too much. I even had to take breaks from reading some things. It’s a big topic issue right now, someone even is trying to get America women to negatively utilize it for certain “rights.” However GD just published their book and will be discussing it over the summer until their conference in August. They did the same with their other two books! Have you checked out some of GD’s older content? They’ve been posting on their website since 2014! You might need to take a break from all Internet for a day or even longer. I know that seems insane in such a technological time. But definitely pray about it and search scripture to find out if this is God bringing a check in your spirit or a temptation/attacked from the enemy. satan used scripture when he tried to temp Jesus in the desert. satan can also mess with your mind through any person godly or not.

      • Suzanne says:

        Thanks Shanae for responding! This helped a lot. I appreciate you taking the time to respond to me. I will pray and think about those tips you gave me. Thank you again – Suzanne

  2. Suzanne says:

    If I need to know about God’s design for this area, I can simply open my Bible and read. I don’t need people sending me messages about this. God’s Word is enough.

  3. Shanae B says:

    Wish you all were posting these articles when I was a teenager! Good article!

  4. Shanae B says:

    Everyone needs to work everything out with God about what they watch, do, etc; and let God lead them in such areas! However shows like bachelor/bachelorette aren’t God really honoring.


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