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Single and Ready to Mingle – Part 1

By: Bethany Baird

It’s always interesting for me to reflect back on my earliest years of being single.

The memories of finishing my teen years and entering my early twenties are pretty good ones. Even though I had already experienced serious heartbreak at this point (I went through a difficult breakup at 19), my future still seemed bright and hopeful.

I was young, I was excited, and I was ready to explore what God might have for me as a single woman.

Life seemed to be serving me what I wanted at this point in time (or at least what I thought I wanted) and I was happy.

It wasn’t long after this time period that a dashing young man came onto the scene.

Everything seemed to be working out better than I’d hoped.

During my new relationship, the worries and woes of my previous breakup faded into the background. My past heartache no longer mattered to me. I had a new guy and he seemed like a promising potential option. Thoughts of being single long-term were not even a flicker in my brain. 

Little did I know that this new relationship was destined for heartbreak as well.  

There I was. Now a twenty-four-year-old single woman without an option in sight.

Singleness seemed a lot less glamorous at this point in life. I was now facing my mid-twenties and I was single. Single as a pringle. Totally alone! You know the feeling and it’s not a fun one.

My “plans” were no longer working out the way I had hoped.

It wasn’t so much that I hated being single, I just didn’t like the idea of being single for too too long. I wanted to get married before I hit my late twenties. I did not like the idea of being “old and crusty” as I would say.

Despite the fact that I was so single and so ready to mingle, God had seriously different plans.

Over the next few years, God began to expose some of the biggest lies I’d been believing about my singleness. Lies that were keeping me from truly living and truly thriving during this season of my life (we will talk more about thriving as a single in part 2 of this series).

If you’re in a season of singleness yourself, you probably have your own set of lies you’ve believed about being single. Lies about your worth, your value, your purpose, your future,  and so much more. Lies that keep you crippled, instead of thriving.

I want to share a few of the lies I believed during my mid-twenties.

These lies and truths come from straight from my new book, Love Defined. In the book, I share more lies along with more in-depth truths to help you dig deeper. 

Here are a few lies and truths most singles can relate to.

Lie: I would be more valuable if I had a boyfriend/husband.

Truth: Nothing can add to my value. I am fully loved and valued as a child of God. “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God” (1 John 3:1).

Lie: I must have a boyfriend/husband to be happy.

Truth: True joy can only be found in the Lord. “‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in him’” (Lam. 3:24).

Lie: My life doesn’t really begin until I get married.

Truth: My life has already begun. I need to make the most of the time God chooses to give me whether I’m single or married. “Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your

Grab a copy of Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and satisfying Relationships to learn more about exposing lies and living in true freedom as a single.

When I began to expose some of the lies that were keeping me discontent as a single, everything changed!

My season of singleness transformed from being “something to endure” to “something exciting and purposeful!” I began to realize that God had given me purpose for this season of my life. I begin to see how joyful and exciting this season actually was.

If you’re in an unwelcomed season of singleness, I want you to take a minute to come up with your own list of lies and truths.

Take a minute to expose any lies that you’ve believed directly relating to your season of singleness.

Now, grab your Bible and begin searching for truths to combat those lies.

Once you’ve exposed the lies and have unpacked some truth’s, you’ll begin to see that God actually has purpose for you in this season!

I would encourage you to grab a copy of Love Defined and dig into the two chapters I wrote specifically for single gals. Chapter 8: When Your Heart’s Desire Is Unfulfilled Chapter 9: Five Strategies for Thriving as a Single Girl

Let’s talk about.

What areas of being single are you struggling with?

What lies have you believed and what truths do you have to combat the lies?

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  • Heather Reynolds

    I’m really looking forward to reading the rest of this blog series. I’m 23 and have been single my whole life, and like you said above, it’s not being single now that bothers me…it’s the thought of being single forever that does! Thank you for writing this and using your experiences to challenge and encourage others 🙂

    • Exactly!! It’s the “being single forever” that is typically the hard part! You are going to like the next post in this series 🙂

      • Heather Reynolds

        So true, Bethany! I’ve just gotten the email saying the 2nd part is up – I can’t wait to read it!

        Shanae and Jessica – thank you so much for your reassuring and comforting comments. It’s so good to know that there are others out there going through the same kinds of worries and fears. So thankful that Girl Defined helps girls like us find each other <3

    • Jessica

      I’m 23 as well, Heather! I have never been on a date before. Sometimes I get sucked into the lie that “maybe something is wrong with me” or “maybe my standards are too high”. But I also see the great potential in being single! There is so much we can do with our singleness! I want to trust God with my Love Story, knowing that He will provide when He knows it is best. I am SO thankful for this ministry and knowing that I am not alone as a single Christian girl!!!❤️

      • Heather Reynolds

        Same here, Jessica! I get sucked into those lies sometimes too, and then have to banish those thoughts. I’ve been learning to surrender my desires to God because He can do it better than I can haha. Me too – so thankful that Girl Defined brings us all together 🙂 Let me know if you ever need to talk <3

    • Shanae B

      I can totally relate I’m 29 and still single. It takes a lot of relying on God to continue to trust that He has a perfect way and plan for your life regardless of weather or not it includes marriage. Thankful that through this ministry us Christian single girls can know That we’re in the boat (of singleness) together!

      • Heather Reynolds

        Thank you so much <3 It's always comforting to know there are others in the same boat out there <3 If you ever need to talk, let me know

  • Girlady Bouvier

    I remember being 18 and dreaming of getting married around 25, having kids before 30, everything settled and falling into place. Well, I’m almost 27 and none of this happened. I could be sitting around and feeling sorry for myself, or even angry at God, but I can’t feel ungrateful when I remember the amazing things God has done to me during this season. And it’s refreshing to know I’m not the only one who chose to thrive right now instead of waiting for marriage to bring me happiness.

    • So encouraging to hear you are choosing to thrive during this season <3

  • Alyssa Stephens

    For as long as I can remember, my “plan” was to meet “the one” by the time I was 17-18 & get married the April after my 19th birthday for the perfect spring wedding. I would be a young wife & start having babies because my dream has always been to be a wife & mommy. It is now the April after my 19th birthday & I am still single pringle 😉 but I couldn’t be more THANKFUL for what God has done & is doing in my life! Nothing has unfolded as I planned for the better part of my 19 years, but it has definitely been for the better. I have struggled with the the thought (that can honestly be daunting at times) of being an old & crusty single forever…but true joy has definitely been found in realizing this isn’t an “in between” stage or a season of waiting for my life to start; this IS my life & there is so much joy when the GIFT of singleness is found! Thanks for sharing, Bethany <3

  • Caroline Oliveira

    I thought it would be easier and I would get into a relationship when I wanted to. Everything is happening differently from what I imagined when I was younger. I think that we Christian girls should be careful and cautious in this area, we should be more afraid of relating to a guy who does not love God than to be single

  • Stacey

    I have been single my whole life. I’m 25. The hardest part for me has been seeing my Christian girlfriends enjoying meaningful relationships so young. It’s made me feel like something is wrong with me, that no Christian guy would want me, that somehow I’m not the “right” kind of Christian girl or my faith isn’t good enough for God to want to give me a boyfriend. I am happy for my friends in relationships, but it does make me feel so alone and unwanted. I don’t know why it’s so easy for us girls to believe that if no man wants us, then we are unlovable in general. I can see why that’s a huge lie, but it’s still so easy to believe!

    • Melony

      Hi Stacey! I too am 25 and have been single my whole life. I know exactly how you feel and the anxiety and envy I get when I see younger Christian girls getting married when I still haven’t had a boyfriend. But recently I have had peace about being single right now. I just wanted to let you know that there is NOTHING wrong with you and you ARE loved and beautiful just as much as those girls. You’re amount faith has nothing to do with getting a mate but each of our paths are just designed different and just as God is doing for me I believe He is also protecting you from abusive men and relationships. Don’t give up hope for a future husband but don’t let that desire distract you from the love and relationship of God. 🙂 it’s okay to feel sad about being single, but know that you are extremely valuable and cherished just for being the woman God created and who He loves so tenderly. Something else that helps me is finding other single Christian girls to hang out with. There was a time when even that was hard for me but God answered my prayers and almost all my new friends who came to my church over the years are single and going through it too. We now got together this year to start a singles ministry! 🙂

  • Isa

    Hi! I’m Brazilian and I’m not good in English, sorry! Great article! It touched my heart. I would like to read you talking about the theme “women’s biological clock”. We know there’s a great age for pregnancy, as I’m not married yet and at 27 and no marriage in sight, I worry about that. How not to worry about it? A hug


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