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Single and Ready to Mingle – Part 2

By: Bethany Baird

You are so ready to be married. Everything seems to be one-hundred-percent ready to go…minus the guy. If only God would bring him into your life *quickly* things could finally move along.

Yep, that’s where many of us are finding ourselves.

*BTW – If you missed Part 1 of the series, stop for a quick second and read that first*

We have the desire and the want to, but there are no young men that seem to fit the bill.

If only God would hurry up! Doesn’t He know that marriage is a good thing and we would be much better off as marrieds rather than as singles??

As much as I wish I could snap my fingers and magically give you a husband, I can’t. You can’t. It’s one of those things that we can’t force (at least we shouldn’t). It’s one of those things that we want so badly, but ultimately don’t have a way to make happen.

Sure sure we could go online and snatch up the first guy that winks at our dating profile, but is that really what you want? Of course not.

Deep down we don’t just want any man, we want a godly man.

A man that will lead us, love us, protect us, and draw us closer to Christ. That’s what we really want! And because that’s what we really want, marriage seems to be far off and harder to attain.

Settling doesn’t seem like a good option. Living worried, anxious, and depressed doesn’t seem like a good option. Waiting around and doing nothing with your life until he comes along sounds like a waste of time.

So what’s a single girl to do with these single years?

You know what she’s supposed to do? She’s supposed to thrive! She’s supposed to live passionately for the Lord. She’s supposed to live with purpose and intention. She’s supposed to make these single years count. She’s supposed to live with joy. She’s supposed to rejoice with others. She’s supposed to be a satisfied person in Christ.

Single women are designed for so much more than waiting.

If you find yourself in a season of waiting for marriage, I want to encourage you to do more than wait. I want you to thrive during this season. For however short or long it is, choose to thrive.

As a twenty-nine-year-old unmarried woman myself, I can talk from personal experience. I can tell you that it is so much better to live intentionally than to live waiting in misery.

Instead of dreading my late twenties as a single, I decided to focus my energy on living like my life mattered. Instead of being a miserable single, I’ve been incredibly joy-filled and passionate about my purpose.

Honestly, I’ve loved my single years. I genuinely came to the point where I was okay being single for the rest of my life.

I knew that God had purpose for me and I chose to thrive in that.

If you are single and ready to mingle with no one to mingle with, I encourage you to change your mindset. Don’t sit around waiting and wasting your life. Get off the couch, the computer, the Netflix, and the dating sites, and begin putting your energy in a different direction.

Here four areas that helped me to thrive as a single. These four areas helped me live a full and abundant life and I‘m sure they will do the same for you if you put them into action.  

Four Steps of Action to Help You Thrive:

1. Seek out Solid Community

Community is a core aspect of thriving as a single. You need good girlfriends and you need a solid community. Church, is where I’ve found most of my community. I’m actively involved with my church in many ways. I attend the singles group, I volunteer on Sunday mornings, I attend church, I attend additional studies and I work with the AWANA program during the week.

Church, is your best friend as a single. If you hate your church, maybe you need to find a new one. If there are no good friends and no potential for community, maybe find a new one. The goal is to find a solid church and then choose to involve yourself. This will be a game a changer for you. The fellowship, service, and solid teaching is exactly what single women need to thrive.

2. Choose to Daily Trust God

You’ve heard me talk about this multiple times, I’m sure. Truly trusting God is the key. You can’t thrive and live as God intended if you don’t trust Him with your life. Every day you need to wake up and choose to put your life and your love life in His care. Don’t worry about the future. Express your thoughts, your feelings, your concerns to God and then let Him do the worrying for you.

He is so big, so mighty, so awesome and knows better what you need than you know. He’s got it. You can rest in that fact.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,  and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths (Proverbs 3:5-6).

3. Pray for Yourself and for Others

I have been praying for my future husband since I was about 14 years old. I have a desire for marriage and I’ve regularly lifted that desire up to the Lord. I’ve asked Him to fulfil it and to give me a husband. If I am expressing my hearts desires to God, I can rest knowing that He knows. He knows what I want and He has the plan. Instead of wondering and worrying, I just pray and trust.

Pray for more than yourself though. Pray for God’s blessing of marriage on your best friends and the girls at your church. Pray that God would raise up Godly men for the women around you. Pray for the marriages around you. Pray that God would strengthen them. The more you focus on praying for the blessing of others, the easier it will be to rejoice when others get the very things that you desire.

4. Focus on Living Intentionally

This is where the action gets real. You can’t just sit around and do nothing. You can’t just waste the time away having fun. You can’t just busy yourself in hopes to hurry these years by. These years are precious and they matter. Focus on living intentionally.

In my new book, Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships, I share with you a list of ways I’m living intentionally. I would really encourage you to grab a copy and read the entire chapter. The chapter will go in depth and show you how to truly thrive in this season.

Here a few of the ideas from that chapter.

  • Attending weekly Bible Study Fellowship meetings.
  • Joining my church’s young adults Sunday school.
  • Volunteering to coordinate the welcoming committee at Sunday school.
  • Blogging, speaking, and writing for GirlDefined Ministries
  • Directing the Awana program for middle school girls at my church.
  • Mentoring my two youngest sisters on a weekly basis.
  • Keeping regular coffee dates with solid Christian women during which time we encourage one another.
  • Listening to Christian podcasts, audiobooks, and sermons to help deepen my understanding of God.
  • Reading Christian books to grow in my maturity as a Christian woman.
  • Planning and hosting game nights and social gatherings for other singles.

*List of ideas taken from Love Defined.

I would really encourage you to think seriously about the four points I shared with you. If you truly want to thrive in this season, you need to get serious.

Which of the four points do you most need to put into action?

I would love to hear your thoughts. Share your comments below.

In case you missed it, catch Part 1 of this series here. 

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  • Heather Reynolds

    Really loved this, Bethany. I completely identify with the feeling that there are no young men who “fit the bill”. I live in the UK, and there seems to be a different mindset in a lot of Churches that are coming through in this part of the world – I was only saying to someone this morning that it seems to be getting “wishier-and-washier” in my part of the world, almost as if “if we look like the world, then we’ll reach the world”…but that’s not how it works. I said all that to say this – finding a solid Church near where I live is proving to be the hardest task. Up until December 2016, my Dad had been my Pastor – whichever Church I was in was the one he pastored and I knew I was getting solid, Biblical teaching. But his last pastorate came to an end, and he hasn’t since taken up a new one, and instead has started up a ministry and his desire is to be an itinerant evangelist. As a family, we’re finding it so hard to find a Church to call home. I’m desperate to serve God in that way, and in a Church setting, like I grew up doing, but I just can’t find anywhere to serve.

    • Shanae B

      The world is pulling more and more away from God which makes it have a greater need for Him. I feel for you in this situation, and am totally giving you an air hug right now! Hope God helps you find a solid church soon!

      • Heather Reynolds

        You are so right! Thank you so much for the airhug, and for the good wishes 🙂 If you’re on Instagram, my username is hareynolds94 🙂 It’d be so good to encourage each other on there. I also run a blog called @lettersfromapastorskid (I’m on Instagram there too). Thank you so much, Shanae!

        • Shanae B

          I’m not on instagram, but I’m on Facebook! Are you on there?

          • Heather

            I am 🙂

  • Shanae B

    Great post! Number one is the hardest for me because it’s hard for me (even at church) to find trustworthy christians in my hometown (unless they’re a lot older than me). The ones who are are few and we often have schedule conflicts. Because of how my life is I can’t just pick up and move wherever. Thankfully that promotes me to trust in God more deeply! Number four is also heard because it’s too easy to get focused on daily life and getting tasks done over cultivating the single years for God. Thanks for posting this though very encouraging! 🙂

    • Heather Reynolds

      Number one is the hardest for me too. You sent me a airhug under my comment, and now that I’ve read yours, I wanna send you one right back <3 Stick at it, girl! God's got you

  • Lauren Grace Wygal

    I am struggling with single-ness. This spoke to me. Particularly the battling emotions of “I have a desire for marriage and I’ve regularly lifted that desire up to the Lord. I’ve asked Him to fulfil it and to give me a husband” and knowing I need to be in the place where I can also say that “I genuinely came to the point where I was okay being single for the rest of my life.” I am not there. I have done so much worrying that I will never have a husband rather than work to be complete in Christ. I think it is all about walking with God and will get easier the closer I get to Him.

  • Ariel

    Thank you for this blog post. My boyfriend broke up with me for his ex gf recently and I was devestated so many thoughts creep in that I wont find anyone else, that Im going to stay single forever cause he was the only guy that was interested. Before we broke up I told him that he needed to lead us spiritually cause he wasnt reading with me or praying with me I would always have to mention it to him. He also wasnt in the word much. It started good but then the realtionnship started to get off Christ being the center. I tried my best to ask him everyday did you read did you pray, lets pray lets read together and he would make excuses cause of school. I really loved this guy and gave a piece of my heart to him. In the beginning he seemed on fire for the Lord and wanted a Christ centered realtionship then he changed as time went on. Please keep me in your prayers this has been so rough. I know God has someone better for me its just hard to know I have to wait again. He was my first bf and I’m 24 years old.

  • Megan

    Right now I’m struggling with being single. I like a guy who is amazing! He’s a godly guy who is involved in our church, he’s part of the same amazing supportive community, I pray about our friendship/relationship daily. He’s 4 years older then me and although I feel I could be ready for a relationship soon I worry about him or any other guy finding me relationship material. I’ve never been on a date before, I’ve never even held hands with a guy or told anyone that I’ve liked them. So this article speaks to me but I also find it really difficult to read as I’ve been doing all these things for years and think I’ve found the person who Gods calling me to. The struggle is real!!

  • This was a good post!

  • Somegirl123

    So I was wondering if yall could do a post addressing racism, because Id be interested in reading that.

  • Amy Teo

    I always ended up crying reading all the post here. Being single is really getting into me recently. All these years, family and friends always tell me, you should focus on your studies, don’t date in school. I did. While i were paying attention to uni life, my friends were all busy dating, sleeping with their bf and acting pretty. Blink of eyes, everyone graduated. All my friends worked briefly while waiting for their bfs to propose to them and get married. This is when everyone started giving advice again saying that, 21st century lady should not be like this. You should have your own career, earn your own money and not rely on guys. I took the advice while waiting for the one which never ever appears.

    Now, i am 30. Yes, i have a steady job, earn my own living, bought a house on mortgage. Guess what, i am still single and do you all know how terrible it feel having to fix all the pipe by your own and hanging the curtains twice your height and by the end of the day whole body aching and all you can do is cry to sleep. Because I am single. I’ve been crying a lot after turning 30. It really feels terrible especially when all your friends are happily married giving birth be a happy mum without having to work or worry about all the financial issues. I really want to have that someone which can all go through all these with me. I also wished to have my own kids too. It doesn’t feel good to know that while you are trying your best to trust god in all these matter, time might just passed like that before you are too late to have your own kid.

    The reality is really making me doubted on my faith at times. Is really hard to always get yourself ready as a godly wife but at the same time seeing others having what you wish for so easily just because they acted like the bad girl the church always prohibit us to be.

    • Shanae B

      I turn 30 this summer, I know how you feel. All my friends from school are married and having kids too. Watching the bad girls get what you want is the worst. But as true Christians we know their future regardless of how great they live right now. I literally talked to God about it yesterday! I actually still live at home, and being with my family and working my job do help distract me from my singleness! But focusing on God, prayer, and reading scripture are a big help! Also find a group of single friends who are geared towards God, we need to have and be an earth based support for each other which can help too!

    • tfrohlich

      I turn 27 in a month and my oldest sister just turned 30 in February. We have both never been on a date or been in a relationship. It has been really hard for both us lately also because we see all our friends get married and having kids. I am so thankful that we both have a good community of believers around is who can encourage us where we’re at now and also remind us to stay faithful. I have been struggling with trusting God with my future when it seems like He isn’t answering my prayers, but I always have to remind myself that God’s plans are better than mine. PrayIng for you, Amy!


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