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Bethany’s Journey of Singleness – Part 2

By: Bethany Beal

You are so ready to be married. Everything seems to be 100% ready to go…minus the guy. If only God would bring him into your life quickly things could finally move along. Yep, that’s where many of us are finding ourselves.

BTW – If you missed Part 1 of the series, stop for a quick second and read that first.

You have the desire and the want-to, but there are no young men that seem to fit the bill. If only God would hurry up! Doesn’t He know that marriage is a good thing and you’d would be much better off as a married woman rather than as single one?

As much as I wish I could snap my fingers and magically give you a husband, I can’t. You can’t. It’s one of those things that we can’t force (at least we shouldn’t). It’s one of those things that we want so badly, but ultimately don’t have a way to make happen. Sure, sure…we could look around and snatch up the first cute Christian guy who winks at us, but is that really what we want? Of course not.

Deep down we don’t just want any man, we want a godly man.

A man that will lead us, love us, protect us, and draw us closer to Christ. That’s what we really desire. And because that’s what we really desire, marriage seems to be far off and impossible to attain. Settling doesn’t seem like a good option. Living worried, anxious, and depressed doesn’t seem like a good option. Waiting around and doing nothing with your life until he comes along sounds like a waste of time.

So what’s a single girl to do with these single years?

I’ll tell you what she’s supposed to do. She’s supposed to thrive! She’s supposed to live passionately for the Lord. She’s supposed to live with purpose and intention. She’s supposed to make these single years count. She’s supposed to live with joy. She’s supposed to rejoice with others. She’s supposed to be a satisfied person in Christ.

Single women are designed for so much more than waiting.

If you find yourself in a season of waiting for marriage, I want to encourage you to do more than wait. I want you to thrive during this season. For however short or long it is, choose to thrive. As a woman who didn’t get married until I was 30-years-old, I can speak from personal experience. I can tell you that it is so much better to live intentionally than to live waiting in misery.

Instead of dreading my late twenties as a single woman, I decided to focus my energy on living like my life mattered. Instead of being a miserable single person, I was incredibly joy-filled and passionate about my purpose. Honestly, I learned to love my single years. I genuinely came to the point where I was okay being single for the rest of my life.

I knew that God had a purpose for me and I chose to thrive in that.

If you are single and ready to mingle with no one to mingle with, I encourage you to change your mindset. Don’t sit around waiting and wasting your life. Get off the couch, the computer, and the Netflix, and begin putting your energy in a fulfilling direction.

Here four areas that helped me to thrive as a single woman. These four areas helped me live a full and abundant life and I‘m sure they will do the same for you if you put them into action.  

Four Steps of Action to Help You Thrive:

1. Seek out Solid Community

Community is a core aspect of thriving as a single. You need good girlfriends and you need a solid, Christ-centered community. Church is where I found most of my community. I was actively involved with my church in many ways. I attended the singles group, I volunteered on Sunday mornings, I attended church, I attended additional studies and I worked with the AWANA program during the week.

Church is your best friend as a single. If there are no good friends and no potential for community at your current church, consider seeking counsel on whether or not it would be wise to plug in somewhere else. The goal is to find a solid, gospel centered church and then choose to involve yourself. This will be a game a changer for you. The fellowship, service, and biblical teaching is exactly what single women need to thrive.

2. Choose to Daily Trust God

You’ve heard me talk about this multiple times, I’m sure. Truly trusting God is the key. You can’t thrive and live as God intended if you don’t trust Him with your life. Every day you need to wake up and choose to put your life and your love life in His care. Don’t worry about the future. Express your thoughts, your feelings, your concerns to God and then let Him do the work for you.

He is so big, so mighty, so awesome and He knows better what you need than you know. He’s got it. You can rest in that fact.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,  and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

3. Pray for Yourself and for Others

I started praying for my future husband when I was about 14 years old. I had a desire for marriage and I regularly lifted that desire up to the Lord. I asked Him to fulfill it and to give me a husband. If I am expressing my heart’s desires to God, I can rest knowing that He knows. He knows what I want and He has the plan. Instead of wondering and worrying, I just pray and trust.

Pray for more than yourself though. Pray for God’s blessing of marriage on your best friends and the girls at your church. Pray that God would raise up Godly men for the women around you. Pray for the marriages around you. Pray that God would strengthen them. The more you focus on praying for the blessing of others, the easier it will be to rejoice when others get the very things that you desire.

4. Live Intentionally

This is where the action gets real. You can’t just sit around and do nothing. You can’t just waste the time away having fun. You can’t just busy yourself in hopes to hurry these years by. These years are precious and they matter. Focus on living intentionally.

In my book, Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships, I share with you a list of ways I’m living intentionally. I would really encourage you to grab a copy and read the entire chapter. The chapter will go in-depth and show you how to truly thrive in this season.

Here a few of the ideas from that chapter:

  • Attending weekly Bible Study Fellowship meetings.
  • Joining my church’s young adults Sunday school.
  • Volunteering to coordinate the welcoming committee at Sunday school.
  • Blogging, speaking, and writing for GirlDefined Ministries
  • Directing the Awana program for middle school girls at my church.
  • Mentoring my two youngest sisters on a weekly basis.
  • Keeping regular coffee dates with solid Christian women during which time we encourage one another.
  • Listening to Christian podcasts, audiobooks, and sermons to help deepen my understanding of God.
  • Reading Christian books to grow in my maturity as a Christian woman.
  • Planning and hosting game nights and social gatherings for other singles.

These ideas are taken from Love Defined.

I would really encourage you to think seriously about the four points I shared with you.

If you truly want to thrive in this season, you need to get serious.

  • Which of the four points do you most need to put into action?
  • I would love to hear your thoughts. Share your comments below.

In case you missed it, catch Part 1 of this series here. 


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6 Responses to Bethany’s Journey of Singleness – Part 2

  1. Heather Reynolds says:

    Really loved this, Bethany. I completely identify with the feeling that there are no young men who “fit the bill”. I live in the UK, and there seems to be a different mindset in a lot of Churches that are coming through in this part of the world – I was only saying to someone this morning that it seems to be getting “wishier-and-washier” in my part of the world, almost as if “if we look like the world, then we’ll reach the world”…but that’s not how it works. I said all that to say this – finding a solid Church near where I live is proving to be the hardest task. Up until December 2016, my Dad had been my Pastor – whichever Church I was in was the one he pastored and I knew I was getting solid, Biblical teaching. But his last pastorate came to an end, and he hasn’t since taken up a new one, and instead has started up a ministry and his desire is to be an itinerant evangelist. As a family, we’re finding it so hard to find a Church to call home. I’m desperate to serve God in that way, and in a Church setting, like I grew up doing, but I just can’t find anywhere to serve.

    • Shanae B says:

      The world is pulling more and more away from God which makes it have a greater need for Him. I feel for you in this situation, and am totally giving you an air hug right now! Hope God helps you find a solid church soon!

      • Heather Reynolds says:

        You are so right! Thank you so much for the airhug, and for the good wishes 🙂 If you’re on Instagram, my username is hareynolds94 🙂 It’d be so good to encourage each other on there. I also run a blog called @lettersfromapastorskid (I’m on Instagram there too). Thank you so much, Shanae!

  2. Shanae B says:

    Great post! Number one is the hardest for me because it’s hard for me (even at church) to find trustworthy christians in my hometown (unless they’re a lot older than me). The ones who are are few and we often have schedule conflicts. Because of how my life is I can’t just pick up and move wherever. Thankfully that promotes me to trust in God more deeply! Number four is also heard because it’s too easy to get focused on daily life and getting tasks done over cultivating the single years for God. Thanks for posting this though very encouraging! 🙂

  3. Lauren Grace Wygal says:

    I am struggling with single-ness. This spoke to me. Particularly the battling emotions of “I have a desire for marriage and I’ve regularly lifted that desire up to the Lord. I’ve asked Him to fulfil it and to give me a husband” and knowing I need to be in the place where I can also say that “I genuinely came to the point where I was okay being single for the rest of my life.” I am not there. I have done so much worrying that I will never have a husband rather than work to be complete in Christ. I think it is all about walking with God and will get easier the closer I get to Him.

  4. This was a good post!

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