Single Girls: Look for a Guy With Vision, Passion, and Purpose
I was 19 years old when love and romance came knocking on my door.
He was funny, I laughed.
He was cute, I was smitten.
He liked me, I liked him.
He pursued me, I fell in love.
And then…it ended. As quickly as it started.
My tears covered my pillow for weeks on end. It took me a good six months to get to the point of feeling recovered. Even though I was totally heartbroken, God gave me the grace to come to grips with the situation.
Looking back I still can’t believe I was only 19 years old when I started my first serious relationship. I knew nothing about marriage, men, or what to look for in a spouse.
I just figured if a nice Christian guy was interested, I should be interested back. I didn’t understand that a guy needed to have more depth other than simply being gentlemanly, nice, and church going.
What I know now that I didn’t know then…
The years that followed my first relationship were major eye openers in my life. I learned several incredible truths that transformed my thinking in what I should be looking for in a future husband. I finally realized that I’m not looking to marry just a nice guy. I’m looking to marry a guy who has 3 specific qualities. They are:
Vision
Passion
Purpose
When I was younger I felt confused about guys. I felt unsure of what specifically to look for in a future husband and I wondered how to separate a “nice” guy from a “potential husband” guy.
If you’ve ever felt confused or unsure about what to look for in a future husband, this blog post is for you. I’m going to take you through each of the qualities and explain why I personally believe they should be foundational qualities in any guy you would consider as a potential.
3 Must Have Qualities in a Future Husband:
1. Vision
The Bible says that we as women are called to be a helper to our husband. The Bible also says that the head of every man is Christ and the head of every married woman is her husband. The man is the spiritual leader for his family.
Think with me for a minute.
How in the world is a man going to lead you *and do it well* if he doesn’t have a spiritual vision for his family. A guy considering marriage doesn’t need to have all of his ducks in a row, but he does need to have a spiritual vision of where he is going and where he wants to lead his wife. If his vision simply contains bringing home the bacon and then chillin’ out to Netflix, that’s not going to cut it. That’s a bad vision.
If you are considering a guy as a potential spouse, you need to have a clear understanding of his spiritual vision. You need to know the answers to questions like, “How does he plan to lead his wife spiritually?” “How does he plan to lead his children spiritually?” “How does being a Christian impact his everyday decisions?” “How does he want to live out the gospel in his life?” “What kind of legacy does he want to leave behind?”
2. Passion
I personally believe that a guy who truly understands the gospel, and truly understands what Christ did for him, will be passionate about His relationship with Christ. If a guy isn’t passionate about the gospel, I would want to know why not. Why isn’t he passionate about the very thing that saved him from hell and set him on a path to spending eternity in heaven with his Savior Jesus Christ?
In my opinion that is a huge indicator of what will set a potential husband apart from just a nice guy. A potential husband should be passionate about his relationship with Christ and he should be passionate about making Christ known each and every day.
3. Purpose
Where is he is going? What is he doing? What’s his plan? Those are extremely important things to know before committing your life to a guy. I’m not talking about him having his 50 year life plan in order with his burial site already purchased and ready to go…I’m talking about direction. Does he know where he is going? Does he have some sort of plan in place? Does he take legitimate action towards his goals?
I personally wouldn’t even consider a guy as a potential husband if he didn’t have some sort of purpose guiding him in his life. For me, this is key, and I think it should be for you as well.
That’s a Wrap
I hope that those three points have inspired you and challenged you as you pray about a future husband. Look for a guy with vision, passion, and purpose. Don’t settle for a guy that’s just nice. Dig deeper and figure out where the guy is going and where he, as your head and leader, will be taking you.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Which of those three points is most important to you? Leave your comments below.
one of the best bogs I’ve ever read! thank you so much for posting this!
I agree with you on these three points, specially about “Passion”. I do want a guy who chases Christ: That’s the essence of being christian! Precious post, thanks a lot!
Thank you so much! This actually helped me a lot 🙂
This is a very good post. We just talked about this topic in our last keepers at home meeting Looking at Adoniram Judson’s letter to his wife and her father asking for her hand in marriage
Thank you for posting this! I do want to know what you think about a personal situation I am in right now.
So, I am in my late teens, and I have known this boy since middle school. He does believe in the Bible and in Jesus. However, he doesn’t regularly attend church or read the Bible, so I decided that I wasn’t going to get into a relationship with him. We have remained friends since then, and have been great friends for years.
Then things got a little tricky.
I feel like God is showing me that this boy is my future husband. I’ve prayed and prayed about this, but I feel that he just continues to tell me that he is the “One.”
Is that God telling me this, or Satan?
Have I become too close to this boy?
Should I stop texting him, and hanging out with him?
What should I do?
Please respond Bethany!
Hey, Thanks so much for taking the time to read and share your heart. It sounds like you are in the midst of a difficult situation. I want to first encourage you with Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” God makes it perfectly clear that He WILL direct your path if you fully and completely trust in Him.
As you think through this HUGE decision of marriage, I want you to base your thoughts and choices on scripture and facts, not emotion. Emotions MUST take the back burner at this point.
From what I’m gathering, it sounds like this guy in your life does not have the three qualities I mentioned above. It also sounds like this guy is not passionate about the Lord or actively deepening his relationship with God. Those are 2 HUGE problems. You need to stop and ask yourself “why?” Why is he not doing those things?
You also need to stop and realize that this young man is who he is today. He’s not the man of your hopes and dreams. He’s not the man that you want him to be. He’s the guy he is today. If you were to marry him, you would have to be 100% okay with him exactly the way he is today. You’d have to put all expectation of him changing aside and accept him as is. Are you truly willing to do that?
From the way you described this guy, I would advice you not to consider him as a potential husband (at this point). It sounds like he is in no position spiritually to take on a wife and lead her. I challenge you to go to the “guys” tab of our blog archives and read several of the posts I’ve written on this topic. Then I challenge you to put your emotions aside and willingly evaluate the situation according to the facts.
I hope that helps! Praying for you <3
Bethany
Thank you so much for your help and prayers! 🙂
Once I thought the same. That God was telling somone was my future husband. I prayed a lot to. But in the long run I found out I deceived myself because that young man got married soon after to someone else. And that wasn’t the first I deceived myself. Be really careful that it isn’t just your fleshy desires causing you to think God was telling you, as it was for me.
Incredibly timely post! I have been pondering the same topic recently, specifically after sharing the gospel with a non-Christian acquaintance of mine. As he and I were talking, I realized that from the world’s perspective, this guy is the total package: good looking, great job, promising career, generous, kind….etc. However, his heart is not captivated by Christ! He has a definite vision, passion, and purpose in life….but it is not centered on, stemming from, nor defined by Christ, so it can never really be focused the right direction or be a vision, passion, or purpose for what truly matters. While that’s very clear to see in a non-believer–like my acquaintance, why should we apply any different sort of standard to a man who is considered a “nice Christian” guy?
Vision, Passion, Purpose! I’m going to steal those descriptions when explaining to friends why I might not be interested in “that single guy at church.” Yes, he may be a Christian, but if he doesn’t have these 3 qualities–I don’t want to waste my time and emotions in a relationship.
Your post really spoke to my heart. Right now needed a direction, thank you !!!That every day they allow themselves to be used by God and be a blessing.
Wow. You speak such truth! I can now see clearly what I really want in a husband. Recently passion and purpose have become super important as not only what I want in my future husband, but what I want to have in myself. And Vision is SO important! “Without a vision the people perish.” (Prov. 29:18)
Thank you for this, Bethany.
Great post. It really helps me step back and see what I need to look for in a future husband. Vision, passion, and purpose are not usually words that come to mind when the topic of dating is brought up. Thank you for sharing such helpful insight.
My english is not good… but I really started to think about my spiritual life when I was reading it. I want a guy like this, but and me!? Can I guide my children to Jesus with such kind of dedication!?
Hey! Do you speak Spanish?
I think Vision is what is most important to me. Lately I’ve really been thinking about having a spiritual vision for my (future) family and what that would look like. Instead of assuming it will just work out after you get married, it’s so important to know the answers to the questions you listed. Thanks for the post, Bethany!! Really appreciate your wisdom on these topics. 🙂
I’m so glad and blessed to have come upon this website and had indicated what I really want for my future husband. I learned the importance of choosing the hard way. As I grew, I became more detailed on my prayer for my future husband and I’m happy that I am not alone in my desire to find a future husband with a Vision, Passion and Purpose in his Christian walk. Thanks for sharing 🙂