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How to Go From Singleness to Marriage in a God-Honoring Way

By: Kristen Clark

I clearly remember the day that I went from being “single” to being in a relationship with Zack. It was so exciting, exhilarating, and strange all at the same time. All of a sudden I had this amazing guy in my life. He wanted to get to know me. I wanted to get to know him.

Neither of us knew if our relationship would result in marriage, but we were anxious to find out. After ten long months of intentionally getting to know one another, seeking wisdom, and praying a lot, it became very clear that marriage was the next step for us. Eeeek! We were giddy with excitement!

With both of our families and friends on board, Zack and I got engaged, and then got married eight months later!

Going from singleness to engagement to marriage was a spectacular and challenging journey…all at the same time.

One of the most common questions that I hear from single women like you is, “How do I go from being single to getting married in a God-honoring way?” Or, “What advice would you give on how to go about the relationship process?” Or, “Should I date, court, or do something in between?”

If you haven’t read my other post called, “Dating and Courtship: Is One Better Than the Other?”, go read that first, then come back to this one.

In this post, I’m going to break down some of the essential elements that Zack and I had in place to help us navigate our relationship process in a God-honoring way. If you desire to transition one day from singleness to marriage in a God-honoring way, I encourage you to build your relationship on these foundational elements as well.

But before we jump in, I want to share with you the number one thing that made the biggest difference for Zack and me.

Intentionality.

Zack and I didn’t enter our relationship lightly or casually. We were intentional about every single step of the journey.

I can’t challenge you enough to be intentional about every step of your relationship journey too.

Don’t do anything without thoroughly, carefully, and wisely thinking through it. If you desire to honor God throughout your relationship process, then you must be intentional in everything you do between now and then.

If your end goal is to marry a godly man and have a God-honoring marriage one day, then always keep that end goal in mind. Make sure that the guy you’re with, the principles you live by, the boundaries you establish, and the decisions you make are pushing you toward that goal (not away from it).

With “intentionality” as the basis for all of your decisions, let’s dive into the 5 essential elements that will help you navigate from singleness to marriage.

How to Go From Singleness to Marriage in a God-Honoring Way:

1. Keep Christ at the center.

If glorifying God is truly your heart’s desire, then you must be intentional to keep Christ in the center of your relationship (Mat. 6:33, Col. 3:16). This will only happen if you and your guy spend quality time alone with God in prayer, Bible reading, Scripture meditation, and worship. By keeping Christ at the center of your heart’s affections, you will naturally keep Him in the center of your relationship.

2. Seek outside wisdom and counsel.

Surround your relationship with as many wise and godly people as you possibly can (Prov. 12:15, Prov. 3:13). Seriously. This is so essential! Whether it’s your parents, siblings, mentors, pastor, or godly friends, seek outside wise counsel every step of the way. Then choose to humble yourself and listen to their advice.

3. Don’t put the cart before the horse.

Take the relationship one day at a time and don’t rush things. Time is your best friend. Don’t be so anxious to “get more serious,” or to get engaged, or get married without allowing time to run its course (Phil. 4:6, Lam. 3:25). Get to know this guy with patience and discernment. Red flags and pitfalls are only (typically) revealed in time. So move slowly and keep your eyes wide open.

4. Establish helpful boundaries.

Setting up boundaries in my relationship with Zack helped both of us make it to the altar with our virginity in tact. Not kidding! Sexual temptations are strong during the relationship process, so don’t plunge forward without setting up boundaries (1 Thess. 4:3-5, Rom. 13:14). For more on this topic, read my previous post titled: How Setting Up Boundaries Saved My Virginity.

5. Be prayerful about every step.

Pray, pray, and then pray some more. Surround your relationship with prayer on a daily basis. And ask others to pray for you as well. Who you choose to marry is the second most important decision of your entire life (outside of Salvation), so take the relationship to God in prayer (Phil. 4:6, James 1:5, Prov. 3:5-6). Ask God for strength to honor Him, to fight for purity, to give wisdom in decision making, to give clarity and direction, to open your eyes to blind spots, etc.

If you desire to honor God throughout the relationship journey, I can’t encourage you enough to take those 5 essential elements to heart.

Choose to pursue your relationship Christ above all else. Seek outside wisdom and counsel. Don’t rush the relationship process. Establish boundaries. Make time to pray every single day.

By being intentional now, your relationship journey from singleness to marriage can be done in a beautiful, God-honoring way. And trust me… it’s worth it!

I’d love to hear from you below.

  • Which of the 5 elements from above did you find most helpful?
  • If you could add a 6th element to my list, what would it be?

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  • Stephanie

    Hi everyone :)…So, in a few months, I’ll be turning 17 and I’ve never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, ect. Lately I’ve wanted to have a boyfriend desperately. I literally pray to God for a boyfriend! I look much younger for my age, and I feel other people (guys my age) don’t take me seriously. They probably assume that I’m way to young for them. I’ve had a few guys show interest in me, but they’ve never initiated anything and I’m not the kind of girl who likes to pursue guys. Kinda feeling a little hopeless right now… :/

    • Rachel M.

      Don’t get discouraged! God will bring along a boyfriend in His perfect timing. His will for your life is perfect and if you are in His will, you will be doing the right thing. If you are scared that a boyfriend is not in God’s plan for your life, I understand the disappointment. But, God ultimately has a purpose for that. (Read Romans 8:28) I could go on and on, but I will finish with this. Lean on Jesus and trust in Him. Keep pressing on and stay in God’s will. I will be praying for you in this area. I know how hard it is!

    • Kerri

      Stephanie, Thank you so much for sharing. Please do not be discouraged!! I know this is not what you want to hear, but you are still young yet. Society tells us we have to hurry up and get a boyfriend to fit into the societal mold. But the reality is that because we are Christians, we are different- and that is a good thing! Have you set up rules/goals for a future relationship? I think this will also help you. Having the goal of marriage in mind really helps you to put things into perspective. It raises the question: “Am i ready for marriage?” Is your ultimate goal just to have fun in a relationship or is it to move toward a God honoring marriage?
      And also remember that just because you are in a relationship does not mean it will all be roses and sunshine from there. Just remember that all of this is in God’s timing- it is all how He planned it out. So even when it is hard, pray, and try to exercise patience and trust in the one who knows all things and has an amazing plan for you!

    • Margrietha Cristina

      I know the feeling , but we need to be completely satisfied with Jesus Christ First! You won’t feel fulfilled in the long run even if you do have a boyfriend, because only Jesus can give what we are really looking for and he satisfies us. I’m 19 and have never had a boyfriend, or anyone interested in me, it can feel discouraging at times, but I have learned so many things from the bible, and God has changed my heart and perspective on so many different areas in life, that I would have probably missed out on or overlooked if I was too busy focusing on a boyfriend.

      • Kerri

        Very well said!! Leaning on Christ will always be better than relying on any human! 🙂

      • medlincz

        yes,we need to be satisfied in Him,seek love in Jesus,God,it helped me to sing to Him,playing guitar,speaking aloud verses about Him and His love,thanking Him for his love,i dont feel lonely with Him,I pray to Father God and I speak with Jesus,dont look on what people think about you,in my past i was trying to find a man without God,and so many bad things happened,it is better to be with God with no boyfriend,then to break the rules and live with bad conscience,if it is His will,He can give you a husband,but be with God from love,not because He can give you a husband

    • medlincz

      seek love in Jesus,God,it helped me to sing to Him,playing guitar,speaking aloud verses about Him and His love,thanking Him for his love,i dont feel lonely with Him,I pray to Father God and I speak with Jesus,dont look on what people think about you,in my past i was trying to find a man without God,and so many bad things happened,it is better to be with God with no boyfriend,then to break the rules and live with bad conscience,if it is His will,He can give you a husband,but be with God from love,not because He can give you a husband

    • Chloe

      Stephanie…I’m currently 17 and have also stayed single. I recently had a very low point in my life and had very strong feelings for a certain person, but I was very convicted when I watched a documentary about a Christian organization called Hayovel. One of the couples that were interviewed said, “It’s time to build His Kingdom, not ours.” I have taken great encouragement from that, and whenever I hit one of those low points again, I repeat that statement to myself. Stay strong; be content in Christ.

    • tfrohlich

      Hi Stephanie 🙂 Thank you for sharing and being so honest. I will be turning 26 in a month and I have also never been in a relationship with a guy or asked out on a date. God has been teaching to enjoy my singleness and to use this time to draw closer to Him. I desire to be married in the future, but do not want to waste this season of my life. I pray that I can use this time to bring God glory by seeing my singleness as an opportunity to serve Him more freely. I hope this is an encouragement to you and anyone else that reads it!

      • Antoinette

        This is an encouragement to me! I’m 21 and I am so ready to be married but it seems so far off. I have been trying really hard to pray and appreciate this season of singleness in my life. I’ve been in an unhealthy, not Christ-centered relationship in the past and i don’t want to make the same mistake!

    • Bibical Womanhood

      Your seriously sound like me right now I’m about to turn 17 soon I look young for my age and basically never been in a relationship. The Lord showed me and told me some things about my future, when I saw someone that for me really seemed to match up made me question, made me ach to know. But Working through it, Lord has given me some peace but it stills a little hard have to keep going back to his peace and trust him. I question that to some times like what if he thinks I’m to young for him? But I just have to remember a guy by the Lord will be okay with just how he made me, plus I’m still growing. I just try to remember him and how good he is and nothing is impossible for him the Lord will let my future husband know I’m for him 🙂 have to keep remembering

  • Rachel M.

    Great post Kristen! These tips are awesome! I love how your first point was to keep Christ at the center. That is definitely the most important thing. If we do that, the rest will fall into place. Thanks for a great article!

  • Erlene Miranda

    Que texto maravilhoso! Deus falou comigo através destas palavras.

  • Gaby

    This is an answered prayer. God truly blesses your words, thanks soo much!

  • Dana Williams

    I would say communication is key and sitting down discussing boundaries (of course) but also expectations. From experience, I have lacked sharing my expectations in a relationship and that leads to misunderstanding. Sometimes we have unsaid expectations or unrealistic expectations….that can easily be met or more understood if they were properly talked out and discussed. For ex…you might have an expectation for this person to text you all through the day, or to do a certain thing a certain way…so when they don’t do it, you might think they dont care about you. But in reality, they might have grown up differently or just might do things differently. I have learned that men and women communicate SO differently. I use to think if he didnt open up to me or tell me something, than he just doesn’t care, but for some (most) men…they don’t like to talk about their feelings or don’t think their opinions or voice matters, so they internalize things more and women communicate their feelings out. So basically, COMMUNICATION, being prayerfully vulnerable, transparent, and honest as you are led by the holy spirit…is what God is teaching me, through my failures! (:

  • Jenna Nolten

    This is coming at THE MOST PERFECT TIME. I am to know a boy now who has made it Clearwater already that he wishes to date me. Luckily I am doing most things in the post already, but i am so thankful to read this and to deel affirmation!

  • I have never been in a relationship, but I do believe that prayer is super essential and I’m being intentional about right now, so that when I enter into a relationship it will be set into my daily schedule to pray.

  • Great post! All the elements were spot on!

    I know that crazy feeling when you first start dating–it’s like AHHHHH!!! LIKE IS THIS EVEN REAL??? 😀 One thing that I found was that a lot of the selfishness and pride that I didn’t know was in my heart surfaced when I was suddenly in a relationship with someone. Flexibility, communication, and patience are so key in having a strong relationship. It’s about learning to love him as a brother in Christ.

    Thanks so much for this post! 🙂

  • Sophie Clemens

    Thankyou for this blogpost, Kristen. I´ve been reading this blog for a couple of weeks now and I love the things you and Bethany post. I´d also read the other blogposts on relationships and I totally agree with the things you post. It encourages me to also choose this kind of relationship in the future. Thankyou, Kristen and Bethany. Thankyou very much for your counsel and wisdom that you share with me and with many other girls.

  • Morgan P

    I definitely think it’s a good idea to set up your standards beforehand.

  • limor

    I love number 3! don’t rush it! patience is super important!
    Great article!


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