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Smart Dudes Aren’t Looking at Your Body

By: Zack Clark

Back in the day, when I was on the lookout for a woman to marry, Kristen immediately caught my eye.

She was (and still is) strikingly beautiful. Her smile was radiant. Her personality was warm and welcoming. She genuinely cared about everyone. She was joyful and everyone loved being around her. Bottom line, she was awesome.

Guess what? It wasn’t her body that drew me to her.

In fact, I don’t even remember being distracted by her body. She dressed in a way that drew attention to her face. Her clothing reflected the joy and love of Christ in her life. I didn’t have to wonder about her intentions. I could tell she had a great perspective on clothing just by looking at her.

I knew she valued modesty even before talking to her.

Kristen wore clothes that were honoring to Christ and others.

As a single guy, I was able to be interested in her for all of the right reasons without having the tempting distraction of cleavage, midriff, and all of the other areas our culture encourages a woman to give screen time to.

Without either of us understanding what was happening, we were being drawn to each other’s personalities, worldview, and love for Christ. Sure, we were physically attracted to one another, but that wasn’t the primary focus.

Trust became the foundation of our relationship.

Kristen didn’t have to wonder about my motivations as a guy. She didn’t have to ask questions like, “Why does he like being friends? Why does he have my picture on his phone background? Is he here just to ‘get’ something?”

She knew I wasn’t interested in her simply for her body. She knew I valued modesty and was attracted to her for who she was as a person.

Our relationship, engagement, and now marriage is flourishing on a foundation of trust and genuine love.

As a married guy, I can’t encourage you (Christian single girls) enough to think about how important modesty is in a relationship. Dressing modestly is for your own good!

I’m assuming you want to be married to a godly guy who loves you for more than just your body.

Well, you can weed out a bunch of “bad options” simply by the way you dress.

Most often the guys who want a relationship for the wrong reasons won’t even come knocking if you’re dressed modestly. You aren’t giving them any “sneak peaks.”

By dressing modestly you are setting yourself up for success in a relationship.

Good guys – the ones you would want to marry – will notice you. They will be drawn to you instead of your body. Modesty is attractive to godly guys because it tells them about your heart.

I was extremely attracted to Kristen because of her beautiful countenance, personality, and desire to honor God through her wardrobe.

If she had been dressed in a sensual and provocative way, I honestly wouldn’t have considered her to be a great “option” for me.

Don’t allure with your body, it’s just not worth it. You aren’t a pretty object to be consumed by whoever feels like it. You are a beautiful woman created by God to be valued and cherished for more than your body. Smart dudes won’t be looking at your body. 

Dress to attract a real man. You won’t regret it. 

This post is a part of the exciting series called Project Modesty. 

You’ll also have a chance to hear more from Christian guys on the topic of modesty in Kristen and Bethany’s e-book, Project Modesty: How to Honor God With Your Wardrobe While Looking Totally Adorable in the Process.

I’d love to hear from you below.

  • What kind of “signals” do your clothes send to the guys around you?
  • Are you dressing to attract guys to your body or to your personality?

Guy and girl talking modesty

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  • katy

    Hey, it’s great to read Zack as well! That’s right, and that’s something so many girls would not expect to hear from a guy. Very encouraging, thank you!

  • Maria Wilson

    Thanks Zack. This really opens my eyes.

  • Dolly

    This is a fabulous post! You see, I never really thought of it like that! Smart dudes aren’t looking at your body. Wow, that some wisdom there. THANKS ZACK!

  • Joanne

    This brings a lot of comfort to me. I’m about to enter college this fall, when I’ve been homeschooled for my past three years of high school. And I know how the dating system in the public school works. So I’ve been wondering to myself, how am I going to fend off guys who will want me??? And then you mentioned that dressing modestly turns off the bad guys and draws in the good guys, so now I’m going, bingo! You nailed it for me! This is super helpful and it takes away my worries! I do have boundaries in place if any guy should approach me, but wow, I love this filter. It’s easy and natural to me, so it’s not as teeth-pulling-difficult as I thought. Now I can focus more on God’s kingdom instead!

    • Billy Howell

      Just FYI: Sometimes, ‘bad guys’ look for the girl who is dressed modestly, because they see it as a challenge. Don’t dress ‘modestly’ because you are looking to accomplish anything less than bringing glory to God.

      • Joanne

        Yeah of course! That too!

        • Zack Clark

          Joanne, you’re on the right track! Thanks for working so hard.

      • Zack Clark

        Good word, Billy!

  • Thank you so much! I really appreciate the “Guy Thoughts” posts — I have a question though: what do you think about exercise clothes? Like, I don’t wear short shorts to exercise in so I normally wear exercise pants (not tight ones, just normal black ones with the white stripe down the side) to exercise in. I usually wear skirts during the day so I was wondering if I should try to find an exercise skirt or are those kinds of pants okay for guys? Thanks so much! 🙂

    • Zack Clark

      In my opinion, those type of workout pants are just fine. Sometimes the “workout skirts” end up being more difficult than they are worth. Again, just my opinion. A quick aside on the “workout tights.” They aren’t pants! 🙂 Annalysa, I appreciate your question. I’m grateful for the young women out there trying hard to honor God and others by what you’re wearing.

      • Thank you so much for answering my question!!! That means a lot. Great to know, thank you!!! 🙂

    • Zack Clark

      One more thing. Kristen and Bethany will have a whole chapter dedicated to workout clothes in their upcoming ebook! They did a great job on it and I can’t wait for you girls to grab a copy.

      • Oh, thanks for letting me know!!! I can’t wait to get it – I’m really enjoying the 30 Day Devotional that I got when I signed up through email….

  • Kaveke

    Thank you so much Zack.This post is really awesome.Very true indeed.That’s why we are called to be Christians..though it might not be the easiest thing to do,it is the right way.I wish you Jesus and God bless you.

  • Elizabeth Williams

    It’s nice to know that there ARE guys out there who notice things like that. Me and some of my friends sometimes feel like we get overlooked and that NO guy will EVER notice us

    • gdonner

      How do you want us to notice you?

      • Elizabeth Williams

        That’s a good question! lol I just see these guys giving all this attention(swooning over) to the girls who don’t care how they dress and don’t care how they act. And then girls like me and my friends, who dress modestly and try to maintain purity, treat others with kindness, etc., I feel like guys don’t even notice we’re in the room! Really, I’ve had so many guys walk past me and it’s like I’m not even there. I don’t do anything for their attention, and I don’t want all these guys swooning over me lol BUT, sometimes you feel that the Godly girls aren’t being noticed and that they never will.

        • Zack Clark

          Smile. Be yourself. Be nice and fun to be around. Don’t flirt but interact. Make efforts to get into healthy conversations with guys. Being modest doesn’t mean you can’t speak. Treat them the way you want to be treated. Don’t overthink it…

          • Elizabeth Williams

            Thanks! That’s pretty much what I already do, so I guess I just gotta keep it up 🙂

  • Darcy R.

    It’s really nice to hear from a guy that men do notice a girl’s modest clothing. I usually feel like they’re oblivious, but come to think of it, no guy has ever approached me with an impertinent remark, so it must be working for something, yes? More than once, my clothes have made me feel protected because there was nothing about me to draw inappropriate glances.
    And it doesn’t really matter what people think since this is how God has called me to dress. But encouragement in the right is always a blessing. 🙂

    • Zack Clark

      Dacry, keep up the great work with Christ as your focus!

  • Lauren

    It’s so nice to hear from the gentleman Kristen has referenced so much! Thanks for sharing, Zack. It’s sooo encouraging to hear a godly guy’s perspective on modesty. Lots of blessings!

  • Chelsy Bontrager

    Awesome post! Thank-you for this!

  • GameRac9765

    This post left me speechless. I completely agree that most women should dress modestly and of a way that they could be honoring God through the different types of clothing they wear of a way that they not intend or even try to dress of a provocative or of a very skin-showing way.

  • pl1224

    Dude, this getting-to-be-over-the-hill New Hampshire grandma really wants to know why you are so afraid of women who strongly assert their confidence in their sexuality and attractiveness.

    • Hannah B

      We dress modestly because we find our worth in God and God alone. Not our bodies. We love God, and His Word commands us to dress modestly. ❤️ Hope this helps. God Bless!

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  • Gabrielle

    Nicely written!! Thanks so much for sharing Zach!!! I was just thinking the other day that it’s one of the most beautiful things ever when you’re attraction to someone goes beyond just appearance, but rather their love for God, personality, etc. it’s such a beautiful thing, and quite frankly very exciting to me for some reason!!!!! I guess because when you’re young your attraction tends to me solely due to the outward appearance, but as you get older and understand that that isn’t what’s really matters, it changes to what’s actually important!!

  • Gabrielle

    Also, it’s so nice to be reminded that (godly) guys actually do notice and appreciate modesty! 🙂

  • Avi yah

    Great post, thank you.

  • Varsha

    you know.. sometimes girls wear things for themselves and not to attract guys… such a complex concept

  • Schylie

    Zack, this post was amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and advice. I was very encouraged.


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