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The Suffering Single

By: Guest Blogger

“Will he ever come along?” “Will she ever show up?”

These are common questions young singles ask when no relationship materializes – or at least none that resulted in marriage. Why does a loving God allow us to experience this loneliness? Why do we have this longing for a relationship at all?

Deep down, we all have a desire to love and to be loved.  

Make no mistake; these are God given desires. There are two great commandments: love the Lord your God, and love your neighbor as yourself (Luke 10:27). As great as they are, there is no way for us to keep them in and of ourselves.

God loved us even before we loved Him.

So as Christians, we can love God because Christ in us loves God! This is the same in marriage. It is impossible for us to truly love each other, only God can. There is an earthly love that does exist apart from Christ, but it is not the true self-sacrificing love we find in Christ. When Christ is in me and Christ is in my spouse, we can love each other because it is God showing His love to me through that person.

If this longing to be loved is God-given, than only God can truly fulfill the desire.

If you are to be married, in His timing, Prince Charming or Miss Awesome will come along. God does call some people to remain single all their lives. But this is more the exception instead of the rule. If He does have this call on your life, He will fulfill your desires in Himself. If you aren’t called to be single, God will fulfill your desires in Himself, through another person.

Thus, both the single and married person receive fulfillment of their desires from the same source, but by different means. This changes our perspective on how we view our singleness before marriage because it is God that provides fulfillment either way.

“Ok, so He fulfills my desires.  I’m single and still really want to get married!”  

This waiting time can produce a lot of anxiety and stress if we let it.

Why does this time bother us so much? Because it’s completely outside our control. When we dwell on what we can’t do, it keeps us from doing what we should do. If we view marriage as another means of God displaying His one way love toward us, we can be completely content with our singleness until God brings the right one along.

When we believe that God truly has our best in mind in everything (hardships, joys, trials, etc.), we can live a life of peace.  

If we knew the ending would be happy, enduring difficult times would be a lot simpler. And that’s the thing – we know the end, and it’s living forever in the presence of God! So if you can trust God with your eternal destiny, why not trust Him with your love life?

“I understand trusting God from a theoretical stance, but what does that look like practically?”  

It might sound cliche, but it looks like: reading your Bible, spending time in prayer, and surrounding yourself with those who will remind you to trust in God’s provision.

This is key.

When you are around others who have the same all satisfying trust in God, your faith will be built up. When you spend time in prayer, your faith will be built up. And when you read God’s word, your faith will be built up.

But there’s a problem, we’re forgetful people. Build in as many reminders as possible to remember what God has done for you, what He is doing for you, and what He will do for you. This can be sticky notes, journal entries, making a plaque, and the list goes on.

Ultimately our longing for a relationship is rooted in God Himself.  

He will always provide through Himself, with or without a spouse. When we trust that He has all things under control, we receive grace and peace. And because we forget easily, build in reminders so that you can remember that God truly fulfills any desire He gives.  

What would help you dwell on what you can be doing instead of what you can’t be doing?

What “reminders” do you already have in place?

What “reminders” would you want to add?

Guest post written by: Mark Kraemer

Photo Credit

Sad Girl

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  • Sandra

    Thank you for this post, I needed it :o)

    For me, I think I need to have more faith in God. I think He wants me to completely trust Him. And then, when I completely trust Him, He will satisfy my dreams and wishes, also my wish for a husband and marriage.

    I also try to remind God makes things happen, not at my time, but His time. I might ask for it, God will only let it happen when He thinks it’s the right time.

  • Liz H

    Awesome post Mark! Thanks for those encouraging words.

  • krissy

    Great post! I definitely needed this today.
    I do have a question…how would you suggest dealing with the idea that you have to “help” God to find you that person? How do we as Christian girls deal with the large influence of online dating, speed dating, etc. that advocates for actively getting involved in your romantic life because God isn’t going to drop a boy off at your front door?

    • Hey Krissy, thanks for reading and for asking such a great question. Over the past few years I’ve been reminded of just how incredibly big, huge, massive, all-knowing, all-powerful and trustworthy our God truly is. I would encourage you to read through the stories of Esther, Daniel and the Lions, David and Goliath, and remind yourself of just how awesome God truly is. I would also encourage you to read though my post discussing the pros and cons of online dating. I think you will find it very encouraging.

      http://www.girldefined.com/pros-cons-online-dating-christian-girls-perspective

  • Dawn

    Great teaching! Wish it was that easy to just let God satisfy. Instead, we keep being pulled away by our desires without letting God fulfill them. Thanks, Mark. I will be referring back to this one!

  • Ashley M

    Amen!! You hit the nail on the head concerning this topic! Actually felt encouraged instead of guilty or frustrated . Thanks for the pratical answer too. I can breath now ! 🙂


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