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Trusting God When Life isn’t What You Expected

By: Bethany Baird

I remember the very moment it happened. It was a moment I never expected to face. A moment I had hoped and prayed wouldn’t become my future.

Around the 24 year mark, I found myself in one of the most daunting seasons of my entire life. I found myself heartbroken, lonely and facing a future of singleness that I seriously did not want to face. I didn’t feel like God was being good to me during that season. I felt like He was a good God to others but maybe wasn’t such a good God to me.

I wondered if maybe God had forgotten me.

Being a single woman in my mid-twenties was a hard season for me. I’m not going to sit here and pretend it wasn’t. It was painfully hard and often times very lonely. I absolutely cried my fair share of tears asking God to change my circumstances and bring me a man. A husband. Someone I could team up with and serve with!

I often couldn’t understand why God wanted to deprive me of such a good thing.

Instead of staying in that lonely state of fearful singleness, I decided to get serious about my future. I didn’t want to be the “old single” who sat around doing nothing because she was waiting for her prince charming to come along. I wanted to trust God so fully that He would help me to thrive in this season. I wanted to enjoy and fully embrace whatever God had in store for my future.

Do you find yourself in a season of feeling alone or feeling extremely single? Do you wonder if God’s forgotten you?

Maybe you wonder if you’ll be single forever!

I don’t claim to have all the answers, but what I do know, I want to share with you. If it’s been helpful for me, I figure it might be helpful for you as well. If you desire to trust God so deeply, that your future seems bright and your singleness doesn’t feel like “the worst thing on earth,” I challenge you to get serious about one thing. I want you to get serious about the word TRUST.

Truly trusting in God will transform your single years.

It was around the 24/25 year mark that I realized I needed to make some radical decisions. I couldn’t stay lonely and discontent. I couldn’t continue to doubt God’s goodness towards me. I had to get to know my God on a deeper level and learn to trust Him with my future. To be totally honest, I do not know where I’d be today if TRUST hadn’t become such a huge part of my life. 

Thankfully, God brought me to a point of understanding a few important realities. 

1. I’m not guaranteed a husband.

God never promises that we, as singles, will get married. Yes, He upholds it as a wonderful thing but, He doesn’t promise it to us. Instead of getting upset at God for not giving you a husband, ask Him to forgive you for blaming Him for your wrong expectations.

2. God is a good God (despite how I may feel).

It doesn’t matter if you think God is good to you or not, He is good because His nature is good. Not just good, but perfect. He wants you as His child and He is preparing a place for His children in Heaven right now. He sent Jesus so that each one of us could have a personal relationship with Him. He truly is like no other god in that way.

3. He is trustworthy and He is always the same.

Stop and think about Who God was in the past and who He promises to be in the future. He created us, saved us, wants a relationship with us, has a future for us, and desires to be with us forever. Think of David, Daniel, Esther, Ruth and so many others. He truly is for us. He is for you. Just because your life doesn’t look like you’d expect, doesn’t change who God is.

4. Truly trusting in God has the power to transform your single years.

A woman who learns to truly trust in God will have the ability to thrive in this season. If you can make Proverbs 3:5-6 the cry of your heart and the compass for your life, it will transform you into a content and joy-filled woman.

What do you want the next year, two years, or five years of your life to look like. If God continues to have singleness in your future, what do you want those single years to be filled with? Personally, I chose to thrive. I didn’t want to be a miserable old maid who hated life and hated everyone’s happy lives around me. I wanted to live life to the fullest and I wanted to serve God with all that I had in me.

It doesn’t matter if your 14, 19, 27 or 49, you can make a change today!

You can choose to begin the journey towards truly trusting in God. You don’t have to wait another year. You can begin that new journey today.

As I say in my new book, Love Defined: 

The foundational struggle for most single women typically boils down to one thing: a lack of trust. A lack of trust in the goodness of God. A lack of trust in the power of God. A lack of trust in the love of God. A lack of trust in the sovereignty of God. And a lack of trust in the plans of God. The moment we take our eyes off of Christ is the moment our hearts will begin to worry and doubt. If our trust in Christ is secure, our worries and concerns about getting married will quickly fade into the background.

I challenge you to open up your Bible to Proverbs 3. Read the passage and specifically focus on verses 5-6. Cry out to God and ask Him to help you. Ask Him to help you trust in Him more fully. Memorize those verses, write them down, and pin them around your bedroom.

Make those verses the meditation of your heart.

Those verses have been a guiding focus for me over the past 6 or so years. They’ve given me hope and have truly helped me to become to content and thriving woman I am today.

What about you?

Is your singleness dreadful or enjoyable?

What needs to change in order for you to thrive during this season?

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  • Syra Madeily

    Hey, girls reading this blog post! Please answer the question of this confused 18-year-old girl: is it just a cultural thing, something that only happens in my part of the world( eastern europe, more precisely) or is it a universal thing, that everyone expects girls to marry someone, and if they don’t wanna get married, they’re considered either dumb or too picky? I feel like it’s happening most everyere, so here comes the other question. Don’t you feel like it’s a protestant thing too? I feel like my church is particularly fond of talking about ” it is not good for a man to be alone” and stuff like that. In my opinion, it has a lot to do with the fact that, in my country at least, you can’t be a pastor unless you’re married( also, my fellow protestants bash the catholic priests for not getting married). Because my church considers that a true man of God has to get married and I feel like they apply this standard to everyone else. Do any of your churches hold the same teaching?
    I really want to spare myself from all the problems that a marriage can bring, and apostle Paul says after all, that it is better for a girl to remain siingle. So why do we, as christians, teach our little grirls, ever since they’re 5 y o that God has an awesome plan for their lives *by bringing a special someone in their life*?
    Also, the fact that I can’t relate to the vast majority of relationship-related posts from the christian blogosphere is annoying. I’ve tried searching books about singleness, and all they do is say ” be patient, you’ll find your Prince Charming one day”
    What if I won’t find it? Is it wrong that I feel like I am not made for marriage?.

    • Shanae B

      Have you read Sacred Singleness by Leslie Ludy? She talks about some of these things! Some churches in the US do have that belief about plans and marriage but not all.

      • Syra Madeily

        Thanks for the recommendation! I’m gona try to find that book 🙂

    • Bella D.

      Hey, Syra! It’s the same, pretty much, here in the USA. I’m not sure where the idea came from, but like Shanae B. said, singleness can be just as honoring to God as matrimony. I’m not sure about where you live, but over here both sides are being overdone by people who claim to be following God’s will for their lives. Some people believe the only way you can serve God effectively as a woman is to marry and have lots of kids. On the other side, many young women think that they won’t be able to do a single thing for God if they are concerned about their marriage and family.

      From the Bible, I think this verse from 1 Corinthians 7: 34 sums it up well: “There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The
      unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy
      both in body and in spirit, but she that is married cares for the
      things of the world, how she may please her husband.”

      Hope that helps some!

      • Syra Madeily

        Thanks a lot!

    • Isabela

      Hello, I’m Brazilian and I’m 27 years old and the Protestant churches here in Brazil are exactly like this! Here, there is a very strong culture of Christians for marriage, singles are not well seen in churches. That is clear. If you look among Brazilian Christian blogs, especially those that are aimed at women, you’ll see that 99% of posts are about marriage, maternity, engagement and how to prepare for marriage. I also find this very boring, girl defined is the blog that I use to read posts geared towards singles, the books I’ve read about being a single Christian woman are disappointing. I think it is quite possible to teach about the importance and value of marriage without demeaning singles and celibate vocation, because on account of this many women believe that they will only be real women from a relationship or child and also men believe which will only be complete as heads of families, which is not biblical in any way. Biblical principles need to be urgently rescued in Protestant Christian churches or idolatry to marriage will only grow.

  • Shanae B

    Trusting in Gods goodness towards us as singles is difficult. It’s hard to thrive, especially when going through difficult circumstances (loss of love one, medical, financial… etc. Proverbs 3:5-6 has been my mantra verse throughout my twenties too! Thanks for posting!

  • Laureland

    I do trust God totally. I know without a doubt that He IS good, that He does not change, that He is faithful, that He has not forgotten me, that His plans are perfect… I am thankful for the time He has been and is still preparing me and I know He is working in me and teaching me. He has been growing my trust in Him all the way along. My niggles and doubts are much less often and fainter than before, and getting weaker. There is always purpose in delay. God knows what He is doing!

    I know that God’s timing is perfect. I do believe that God does plan for me to marry, mainly because I believe He has put the desire in me and it has grown stronger, if anything, not diminished, and I have lain it down and let go. I have often said to Him that if I had to choose between Him and a husband, then I would choose Him every time, and that if I would put a husband before Him then I would rather not have one. God must always come first. That is my desire. I could live without a husband but I could never live without God.

    I do trust God. But that does not mean that I don’t get lonely sometimes, and that’s even though I know that God is always with me. It’s not loneliness for God. I trust God even though I very often do not understand what He is doing. His ways are higher than mine! I cannot fathom His thoughts! But I know He is good and that is enough. So I am waiting, listening to Him, trying to act on what He says, trying my best to obey, not just wishing my life away. Most of the time I am content and I AM filled with joy, and peace.

    My hope is in God alone. I still get frustrated sometimes, mainly because I cannot respond until a man chooses to approach me. I pray for the men I know, for courage and wisdom for them. I get frustrated with myself most and worry, sometimes, that I am putting obstacles in God’s way somehow and slowing Him down… but I am not bigger or stronger than God, and He can surely overcome me and my silly ways!! I can’t stop His purposes, and that is actually very reassuring. I just keep on saying yes and bowing my knee to Him, being still before Him and listening with my whole being, not following my deceitful heart but believing His Word. God knows BEST and that is more than enough for me 🙂

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