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Turning Your “Husband Wish List” On Yourself

By: Guest Blogger

It was one of those winter days where you’re never quite warm enough, unless you’re curled up in a big bed with a soft blanket and a good book.

I didn’t have anything else to do, so I pulled the covers all around me, and instead of a book, I chose my journal. I had been thinking a lot about character qualities that I would look for in a future husband, so I chose that as my topic, and began writing.

In a sense, I was writing out my “husband wish list.”

As I wrote, a realization struck me, and the words of a sermon by Andy Stanley came to mind: “Are you who the person you’re looking for is looking for?”


That hit right between the eyes. Am I living what I’m writing? Am I living up to the standards that I’m setting?

I pondered for a moment. Convicted. I knew the truth.

So many times I get caught up in the thought that my future husband will be this guy who is practically perfect in every way. He’ll be so amazing that I won’t have to work on being extremely selfless or humble because he will just be so perfect.

My husband will be this wonderful knight in shining armor. Right? A man who turns to the Bible when he needs guidance.

He’ll be a man of prayer. Selfless. Brave. A great leader. A provider. A hard worker. Right? I mean, isn’t that what we’re supposed to look for in a husband?

Let’s paint a word picture.

You’re holding a bar. Your future husband is standing there, and you begin raising the bar. Higher. Higher. It’s really high now. There is no way this guy is gonna be able to jump this thing, but you look at and talk to him like he should be able to easily launch himself over it.

Suddenly, he comes up, takes the bar from your hand, and lifts it. High. Than he tells you to jump over it with the same urging that he received. You give him a look like, “Are you crazy? You expect me to jump that?! There’s no way!”

Get the picture?

I was expecting my future husband to meet specific standards that I’m not even close to meeting.

I come up with a mental lists of “character qualities that are mandatory for my future husband to possess” and yet, I don’t even come close to some of them.

NOTE: I’m definitely not saying to settle for a lukewarm guy with no goals or convictions. We just have to be sure that what we expect others to strive for, we ourselves are striving for as well.

Maybe you have a list.

Not a literal list that you have taped to your mirror, but a mental list. Maybe it’s that he’s humble. Or a great communicator. Or maybe has a heart to share the gospel.

Those are GREAT things to pray for in a future husband, but we have to make sure that we aren’t expecting something of them that we don’t work on daily in our own lives.

Jesus said, “First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:5).

If I am holding the bar really high for him, why should I be surprised when I’m given that same hurdle?

We need to be holding the same bar just as high, if not higher, for ourselves. Do I turn to Jesus when in distress? Is prayer an important asset to my day? Am I selfless? Courageous? Am I a cheerful follower?

These are key questions to ask ourselves, but not just for our future spouse’s sake. This is what God desires in us.

Even if we remain single all our life, it doesn’t make striving towards holiness any less important.

Stop for a minute and consider that quote from Andy Stanley: “Are you who the person you’re looking for is looking for?”

  • Do you have a written “husband wish list?” Do you have an internal list?
  • Do you possess the character qualities you hope for in your future husband?
  • Are you becoming the kind of woman your future husband would be excited to marry?

 *Guest post written by Liza Proch. FIY – GirlDefined is looking for 4 new guest posts to be featured on this blog in April 2015. Check out our Contact Page to read our guest post guidelines and to submit your post.

 Photo Credit: | 11399993305

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15 Responses to Turning Your “Husband Wish List” On Yourself

  1. Alli Ramsay says:

    This is such a great post! I think it’s something that’s really important to share with younger girls, too! Girls are always told to “look for your prince charming.” and “The guy that’s perfect for you will come eventually, you just have to wait.” But what they aren’t told is that while they’re waiting, they should be growing themselves. They can’t just sit idly by and wait for God to give them the perfect guy. They have to be walking with God so that they’ll be molded into spiritually strong women!

    Also, I love that quote by Andy Stanley! My pastor used it recently and it really convicted me! What a great thing to think about.

    • GirlDefined says:

      I am so glad you enjoyed this post. We really appreciate Liza’s analogies in this blog post. It’s a great reminder to make sure that we are living up to the same standard (or bar as Liza described) that we expect our future husband to. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts as well! <3


  2. Elizabeth Williams says:

    This is something that I was convicted about a good while back. I can’t expect my future husband to have all these qualities that I don’t have myself. So instead of making this long list for him, I’m working on my own heart and my relationship with Christ. Lauren DeMoss of TheFullTimeGirl says it this way:”You can’t be a nickel out there looking for a dime.”

    • GirlDefined says:

      This guest post really encouraged us as well. We really appreciate the wisdom and insight Liza (the guest blogger) shared with us. It was a great reminder to make sure we are all living up to the standard we are “expecting.” I also love that quote, “You can’t be a nickel out there looking for a dime.” Thanks of sharing <3

    • Rachel says:

      Elizabeth you are a real encouragement thank you!!!

  3. Sarah says:

    I have a problem that maybe one of you could help me with..? For a long time I had this thinking stuck in my head, I will wait to change the major standards in my life till after I meet “Prince Charming/what I think could be my future husband” THEN shape my life to HIS standards…
    I had too put up an expectation list in my head of who he would be, and just told myself I would change AFTER I met him. I admit that I didn’t actually question my “theory” until I read this post. But, after reading and looking at it, now I don’t think this is the wisest option… Any idea on what a wise option would be? Thanks in advance!

  4. Eva H. says:

    Wow, this is really good. Really ever since I started reading this blog I’ve been thinking a lot about praying for my future husband and for specific character qualities that I want him to have, but then when I started asking that God would put it on his heart to pray for me too, I started wondering what he would be praying for. It’s hard to put that back on myself, but so worth it–and not only for my future husband, but to please the Lord as well.

  5. a Texas mom says:

    This post spoke to me as a married woman, as well. Am I living as Godly a life as I want my husband to live? Am I in the word and teaching the children the word as diligently as I want my husband to do so. Am I talking about the things of God, serving, avoiding worldly thinking? Wow. Thanks for the post. very convicting! 🙂

  6. Kaitlyn Burdick says:

    My whole life I have had standards that I never lowered. I wanted a country boy. Someone who would take me out on a date in his truck. Get what I’m sayin? Thats it. I never thought about a husband who was a good leader, godly man, desire to be father etc. My standards don’t seem high, but I feel like I wasn’t giving it to God. I feel like I wasn’t going to settle for any boy that wasn’t a Christian country boy…Even if something else was better for me and given by God. Now I’m learning that whatever God gives me is best for me wether he is a country boy or someone raised in town. Now I’m praying for a man, a leader, a “want to be” father, and a christian. This post helped me believe even stronger in my news standards! Thank you! And I hope I reach his standards for a godly wife and mother 🙂

  7. Rachel says:

    I have created a personal list but it is really mostly what I would like him to look and act like not what his qualities are. I guess I should start writing some more about what standards and qualities he should have but I need to make sure they are standards I can live up to as well!! <3

  8. Talya says:

    LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!!!! I never thought of it this way! Thank you for opening a new window!

  9. Bliss says:

    Such a great reminder. Thank you. (:

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