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What to do When Guy Friendships Come Easier Than Girl Friendships

By: Bethany Baird

I get along so much easier with guys. They’re easier to talk with, easier to laugh with, and they don’t get caught up in the drama. Is it wrong that I prefer having close guy friends over close girlfriends?  -Anonymous Girl

I’m not gonna lie. Although I’ve matured and grown up a ton over the past 10ish years, I still feel like those same thoughts run through my mind once in awhile.

I wonder why guy friendships seem to come so effortlessly and girl friendships seem to take a lot of work and effort. I wonder why guy friendships seem to be drama free, and girl friendships can often be drama filled. I wonder if it’s really (like really really) important to invest into girl friendships, or if the guy friendships will do.

If you’re anything like me, I’m sure you’ve had some of those thoughts run through your mind.

Deep in your heart, you know that having girl friendships is important, but you don’t like the idea of working hard to invest and make them happen. Girls can tend to be complicated. Guys tend to be more chill and easier to get along with.

I know. I totally get it.

Despite how I’ve felt about this issue of friendship in the past, I want to share with you what I’ve learned in the more recent years.

I genuinely believe (from personal experience) that girl-to-girl friendships are a crucial aspect of our lives as single women.

My life has been so greatly impacted by my solid Christian girlfriends

I’m convinced no guy could replace that impact.

We, as modern women, have the ability to connect in deep and meaningful ways that offer unique blessings.  

We can often share deeply. Love strongly. Cry our eyes out together. Pray through the real stuff. Hug each other. Share in joys and sorrows together. Ask the tough questions. Be there during the tough moments. Celebrate the good times. Laugh at the awkward moments. We get to consistently learn how to maintain strong friendships. We get to keep each other accountable. Challenge one another. And (the best part lol) we get to talk about our loves live, chat about guys, and reveal some of our deepest desires and longings.

Those are just a few of the unique things that come about (often times pretty quickly) in solid girl-to-girl friend relationships.

If you’ve ever thought “girl friendships are just too hard. I’m sticking with the guys,” I want you to consider these pros and cons of guy/girl girl/girl friendships. This isn’t an exhaustive list, just stuff I’ve learned along the way.

3 Difficult Issues That Come With Close Guy Friendships  

1. Unwise Emotional Attachment Takes Place

I’ve been there. Often times either one or the other gets emotionally attached and involved. One of the person’s just wants to “be friends” and the other person is left sad and brokenhearted. This is probably the most common issue with deep/personel guy/girl friendships. If two people who are “just friends” develop a deep and emotionally driven friendship, one of them is bound to come out with a bit of a broken heart.

2. Temptation to Share the Deep and Intimate Aspects of Life

How can we, as girls, resist sharing our deepest most intimate thoughts and truest longings with a guy (that’s not our husband or boyfriend) in a beneficial way? That’s really hard to do. I’ve been there and it’s not an easy place to be. When a guy friend has a listening ear, and we’ve got a lot going on, it can be really tempting to pour out our guts to the closest guy friend available. If guy friends are all we’ve got, the temptation to open up and go deeply intimate will be very present.

3. Trouble Because it Can’t Be Maintained Long Term

Think about. Once you are married it wouldn’t be super appropriate or beneficial to maintain deep friendships with guys who aren’t your husband. It’s just not wise or healthy. That means that all of your current deep guy friendships are all short term (unless you marry the dude). If you’re investing most of your time into guy friendships, what will you have once you get married? Who will stand up next to you in your wedding? Who will be there for you to laugh, cry, love, and challenge you during your future relationship? Guy friendships just can’t really be maintained like that long term.

3 Awesome benefits that Come With Close Girl Friendships

1. Total Openness and Honesty Can be Had

When you’re sitting across the table, drinking hot coffee, looking into the loving eyes of a sweet girlfriend, total openness and honesty can be had. You can share. She can share. And true friendship can be enjoyed. These are the types of friendships we all need (and often desire) in our lives. These are the friendships that will celebrate with you during the good and mourn with us during the bad. These friendships can be enjoyed knowing there isn’t the awkward potential of a “who likes who” ending.

2. Great Quality Time Spent Together

You can head over to your girl friend’s place late at night, early in the morning, or even have a sleepover. The options are much more vast. You can spend serious quality time together without worrying if it’s “too much.” You can just share, enjoy, and grow from the awesome friendship being developed. In fact, quality time is one of the best ways to grow a deep and meaningful relationship. Between girls, it would be encouraged. Between a guy/girl, it’s a whole lot more complicated.

3. Christ-Centered Love Flows Freely and It lasts

Learning how to give Christ-centered love is a constant need. It’s not easy to always give that to those we spend the most time with. Having a deep and meaningful relationship with a solid girl gives you the opportunity to truly practice loving her like Christ loves you. Not to mention this friendship has the ability to last long into the future. It doesn’t have to stop when one of you gets married. It can last for literally decades to come.

It can be hard, but it’s worth it.

My hope and prayer are that you too will choose to invest into girl friendships. Even though it’s hard. Even though it’s inconvenient. Girl-to-girl friendships are just truly irreplaceable. I get that they don’t always come easy, but who said good things always come easy. Some of the best things take the most time and work.

Don’t give up on girl friendships just because they’re hard.

I challenge you to make up your own list. What are some of the long-term pros and cons of having mostly deep guy friendships? What are the pros and cons of having most deep girlfriends?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Share with me in the comments below.

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  • Hannah B

    This makes me laugh a little mostly because it’s the total opposite for me. Female friendships come easy and male friendships ah nope. I agree with post alot though!

    • Grace

      Hahahahha me too Hannah, me too 😀

  • YES! This! Amazing. I know guy friendships, at least in my circle of girl friends, are like the BEST thing because I know really cool guys. But for girls who lean more towards them, for strengths and stuff, I’ve warned them of these exact things. I’ve told them, it’s not bad to have really good guy friends– I encourage those friendships because guys are really cool and it’s definitely different than girl friendships. But they are still (keyword) different. It’s not the same, and we as young ladies need to see that. We can’t keep making the excuse that guyfriends are easier to talk to about different stuff than girl friends, because if that’s the case, then you just need to ask God for girl friends that you can share your heart with… cuz guys shouldn’t be our default peeps for certain topics.

    Awesome 🙂

  • HDI

    I have question about your Youtube video “5 danger of Online Romantic Relationship ”

    there are many good christian couple who met through online dating site such as Christian cafe
    and then they got married !

    how do you gonna explain about that then ?

    pastor john piper said in Desiring God site “I am fine with meeting someone online and learning as much as possible about them.
    I have met numerous couples recently who said they met online and they are happily married. They are both mature Christians.
    I have got zero problem with that. The great question is: Are you mature enough to discern a worthy spouse? Put your energies into becoming that kind of person.”

    Do not limit God !

    God can arrange people’s meeting through online dating site .

    God is beyond your thought !

    8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
    declares the Lord.

    9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

    Isaiah 55

    and Hebrews 4:13 is noting to do with about prohibit online dating relationship !
    it’s warning about secret sin not dating through online site such as Christian online dating site !

  • pumpkinpatch14

    Gosh the timing of this post… For the past two weeks I’ve been greatly struggling with the question of whether I’m investing too much into guy friendships. I’ve never felt more lonely. One thing is because I haven’t felt like I could open up fully or know what their intentions were, as much as I just saw them as friends. I’m hurt that of all the people who have messaged me and asked to hang out the past two weeks none were my girlfriends. But I must pursue these girl/girl friendships and take initiative. I need to ask girls out to hang out more. I need to message them even when they don’t message me. You could even say my ability or at least joy in persevering and running this race depends on it, as a pro of girl/girl friendships. Deep lasting Christ honoring friendship 🙂
    Thank you so much for sharing this!!

  • Abigail

    My former boyfriend was always very easy to become jealous, and he pretty much hated any guys that came around me, even if they had been good friends (and ONLY friends) since kindergarten. Though the relationship didn’t work out, I’ve still been thinking about how to handle guy friendships while you are in a relationship. Could you possibly post about this?

  • KatelynS

    Wow, the timing of this article is perfect! I have noticed that I tend to get along with guys WAY easier than with girls. I’m 16, so when I’m texting (only friend) guys my parents start to think that one of us has different feelings for the other. I have never really thought of emotional “intimacy” but now I totally understand that we as girls need to watch how much we share! Thank you!

    • Me too! My best friend is a guy I’ve known my entire life, and I get along with him so much better than any girls I know.

  • Light4the Lord

    My problem is more that I have no guy friends. I don’t want to be the socially awkward one who always avoids every single guy in the room, but I also want to be friendly in a godly manner toward guys too…. I also don’t want to be the flirtatious one, so how is that supposed to work? Do you have any suggestions?

    • Britts

      Just be nice. You don’t have to flirt to be nice. View them in a brotherly way.

    • HuntressOfGod

      I agree with Britts, just be nice! Mother Teresa said “If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway!” When my brothers tease me of being flirtatious, I make it clear to everyone (literally everyone) that I have no interest in any boy. People may not believe me, but its the truth. Yeah, I have started to ignore what people think of me… And I also am kinda socially awkward. Currently I have no guy friends because my brother ruined every possible friendship with a guy, which is fine with me! I’m still nice to them. I have one really awesome girl friend with whom I can share anything with. Girls are awesome. You girls are awesome! Thanks for everything.

  • Clara

    This was so timely! You girls have impacted me so much!

  • Chloe

    Well this is crazy cause I just stopped comunicating with my guy friend after two months of continuous messaging. I stopped because 1) I was worried that he had feelings for me, 2) that I was unknowingly causing him to believe that I returned those feelings, and 3) I wanted to remain 100% pure for my future spouse. Although I basically just stopped responding – never told him, never explained – I’ve been going on a week without communication and I don’t regret it. This friendship took hours out of my time every day. I’m much happier now spending it on my relationship with Yeshua.

    • sdf123

      Then why are you comunicating with him in the first place ?

      i just dont get it !

      what is your problem ?

      • sdf123

        I’m sorry chloe.

        i shouldn’t asking like that !

        It was inconsiderate of me .!

        again i’m sorry

      • Chloe

        It’s alright. 🙂 We actually live several states away, and we only see each other 1-2 times a year. I was actually surprised that he communicated with me in the first place, and the times that I expected it to end, more responses came until the conversations snowballed into several months! Also, our conversations were originally about our unique interest in a certain area of science, nothing more until several weeks later.

      • Clara B

        That is very rude.

    • Leah

      Wow! Chloe, I recently did the exact same thing! It’s been a week now with no messages from him, and sometimes I feel quite sad that our “friendship” is over, but I think I made the right decision. God bless you Chloe, I hope you are doing well xx

  • CINDY VALDELAMAR GONZÁLEZ

    I definitely have struggled with this a couple of times. A few months ago, I began to have a very close friendship with a guy. We started to text daily, we were constantly sharing our thoughts on God, prayer, college and purity and It lift me up in such way I was very content. However, It ended up breaking my heart into pieces. Even though we never kissed, we were so close that we began thinking we could move on to the following step: A relationship. But after praying a lot, we got our response from God and decided that it was best to leave things off as they were. We still needed to grow more on God’s purpose for each one of us and we both agreeded that it was fo the better. When he texted me that night and told me, I felt such sadness beggining to grow in my heart I had never felt before. However, I prayed to God and even though I felt sad for a couple of days it made realize that I had to change attitudes in myself and reflect more on the type of girl i wanted to be. After he walked out my life, God started to work on my character even more and despite we now do not text as much as we used to and only talk to each other when we get across at University, I can honestly admit that I learned so much from him and he will always be a beloved person to me. People jump into our lives with a purpose. Not necessarily to stay, but to teach us valuable lessons. What can I say? He is definitely husband material. hahaha, but things happen as God wants them to happen.

  • Molly

    Can you please elaborate on why sharing “your most intimate thoughts/ longings/ secrets” etc..with a guy friend isn’t a good thing? What difference does it make if its shared with another girl or guy, who is STRICTLY a friend. Whats wrong when a guy FRIEND has a “listening ear” as you say, and legitimately wants to help? I really wish you would expand on the negative things that can result from doing this. Please someone help haha. Please don’t make it about ” someone might get feelings” ASIDE from that because there are cases when this doesn’t happen.

  • Brebis

    I’m going to share my story for the first time so maybe it could be useful for someone.

    I’ve always gotten along with guys rather than girls. Sadly, it ended not too well for me. I had a friend, he was my age and we met in elementary school. Years later we met again and were close for almost two years until his father died. His whole personality changed after that, and our friendship began breaking. He barely spoke to me and started getting into the emo culture. I tried taking him to my church but it was useless. Months later he met a girl and started a relationship with her, so he stopped talking to me. They were together for some time and they had a baby. That totally broke my heart and it took years to heal. Now, seven years later, I still haven’t heal at all. The story repeated again not too long ago. Another friend from church stopped talking to me when he started dating another girl. That hurt me because we were friends for like ten years and it was amazing to have someone to share godly things and other stuff like books and music at the same time. Until today we still haven’t talked.

    This article has helped me to understand some things and to see some others from a different focus. Maybe it’s late for me, the emotional damage it’s already done, but it’s not too late for other girls. Girls can be friends with guys, but you have to very carefull with that. I still have some guy friendships, but they are not close and I prefer it to be like that. We girls should ask first God if the friends we have are good for us and let his Holy Spirit to guide us in the people we choose to be close to us.

    • Heidi

      I’m sorry that you went through that 🙁 Your story sounds slightly similar to mine. It’s hurtful when friends cut us off, but just remember that God loves you with an insurmountable, never ending love 🙂 To Him, you are precious and He values you, even if the people in your life don’t always do the same. I’m sure you know this already, but I just really hope that you are able to heal soon. Don’t forsake your happiness on false friends, you deserve to be joyful!

    • Clara B

      I’m praying for you girl! I can’t imagine what that must be like. I just hope that you know that HE LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW! I know the pain and hurt is real and I pray that you will heal soon. I’m praying for you girl!!!!

    • Britt

      Healing IS POSSIBLE! I used to drown in certain insecurities. . .and in my own power. . .could never fix it. Then 3 weeks ago, Jesus took it all away. There is not one trace of it. It’s kinda odd. Jesus can help! I had alot of ”friends” treat me like dirt too, your not alone.Ppl are cruel but Jesus cares :). Hope this helps

  • Olivia White

    What about guys who know that we’re just friends and are fine with that? I have some and we disagree on so much but we can still be just friends and have good conversations strengthening our views and why we believe that.

    It IS possible to have guy friends . We young Christian girls face a ton of backlash for it, but if we can deal with it ina godly and gracious manner we are showing maturity.

  • Michaela Furnia

    I have loads of male friends and I generally prefer them which is why this post stood out to me. I have female friends as well but I don’t get along with them nearly as well. To be honest, I don’t tell them my secrets nor do I tell my female friends. I am of younger age so I don’t think I need to worry about dating or marriage yet. I’m also homeschooled so I don’t experience peer pressure as much which is nice however I get teased for having male friends or people will assume we’re are dating. I hate it cause it makes us both uncomfortable. Help?

    • Ellie Joy

      I feel that I am kind of in the same boat as you. I have both male and female friends, but I often get teased for having male friends, and people think we are dating. I am also homeschooled! I don’t have much advice to give you, as I struggle with this as well. But honestly I would say, as hard as this is, try not to react to it. Also maybe approach some of the people who are teasing you and tell them how it hurts you. I would also say find a girlfriend that you can talk about this stuff with.

  • Hannah Brown

    I can relate to this as well. I met a guy at a mission trip I went to, and became good friends with him. We exchanged contact info because, why not? After talking to him via the internet for only a day, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I refused, and said I wanted to remain “just friends”. Unfortunately, I kept contacting him on the internet and started questioning my feelings for him. I never acted on my feelings, just kept emailing him. I just recently saw him the other day, and even though he still talked to me, he met some other girls, stuck with them, and avoided me for the rest of the event. It taught me a valuable lesson I won’t soon forget. I have decided to stop emailing him and to be more careful about our friendship, and all my guy friendships. It is hard for me, because most of my girl friends do not live close or do not like to talk about the same things I do. I find this difficult for me, so my closest friends are boys. Since I read this article, and since my experience, I’ve come to realize I must be careful how I act and how much I share with guys.


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