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What’s A Girl To Do With Male Attention?

By: Guest Blogger

There it was again.

That special look from a guy in my class who was a sandy-haired, blue-eyed walking Gap ad. This time, I hadn’t been mistaken—it was clear that he thought I was cute. The reality of that thought spread a foolish smirk across my face, and I felt my brain suddenly turn into a bowl of pudding.

During that semester, his admiration was consistently obvious but not aggressive. I enjoyed the attention and began to look forward to receiving that lovely sense of affirmation every time I saw him.  

Does this scenario sound familiar?

As Christian women, how on earth should we react when we receive attention from a guy?  What should we do when the grocery clerk flashes a grin, or when that stylish guy at the mall happens to meet our gaze the second before he passes by? How do we cope with these strong desires to be noticed and admired?

First off, God is the One who designed male/female chemistry in the first place.

Just as it isn’t necessarily a sin for a man to admire the beauty of a woman, it isn’t necessarily a sin for a woman to appreciate being admired by a man. God wired us this way for lots of great reasons.

However, Satan always wants to twist God’s gifts and turn them into idols in order to distract our hearts from the ultimate gift-Giver.    

Back to the cute guy at school.  

The whole situation began to feel like a porcupine sitting on my conscience.  It was so tempting to want to soak up the flattery.  After all, I thought, I’m not doing anything about it! I’m not even flirting with him.

It took a while for me to realize that I was living a private, double standard in my own mind. The hidden desires of my thoughts were revealing my true, prideful heart.

I knew I wouldn’t consider anything serious with this random guy from school who wasn’t even a Christian, but I still wanted the temporary perk of feeling desirable. I was, in fact…using him.

When we as women rely on male attention for some sort of rush or ego-boost, we are using men as objects for selfish gratification. The same principle applies when men objectify women by lusting after their bodies.    

So what’s a girl to do when confronted by a melting glance of masculinity?

First off, seek to guard your mind on a continual basis with a fortress of truth. This means being in the Word every day so that, when the moment arises, you have a wise perspective in the forefront of your brain.

Second, view the male in question as a human being—not your slave of adoration. Remember that you are both made in God’s image, and are therefore worthy of mutual respect and selfless love.

Third, “bounce” your thoughts elsewhere.  Instead of reveling in the fact that he’s noticing, quickly focus on something else. I’ve seen my dad do this type of thing on numerous occasions—except, from a guy’s perspective.  If he happens to see a Victoria (Not-So) Secret banner, he quickly bounces his eyes away.

When you’re struggling with an overwhelming desire be admired, even if it’s only temporary, remember the following truths:

Satan’s path can look extremely inviting and can be initially very easy.

But Satan is the great deceiver.  He wants us to believe lies about everything, including how we think about guys. He wants us to TAKE for ourselves and THINK only of ourselves. He encourages fantasizing about guys in our minds.

God’s path can look extremely burdensome and can be initially very hard.

But God is the great Lover of our souls. He wants our ultimate joy in everything, including how we think about guys. He wants us to GIVE ourselves away in service and THINK only of pleasing Him. He encourages us to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.

So here are some practical tips that may help as you seek to maintain a balanced attitude about male attention:

1. Don’t look for the look!  

Don’t watch out of the corner of your eye to see if he’s noticing you. That momentary decision will help reinforce the truth that male affirmation isn’t what makes you a valuable, beautiful woman of God.

2. Dress modestly.

Think about respecting men (and being respectable in the process) when you put clothes on in the morning. For more modesty tips, check out the Kristen and Bethany’s Project Modesty ebook and video!

3. If necessary, remove yourself from the situation.

If you notice that a man is staring (especially in a lustful manner), position yourself out of his line of vision. Flee from temptation for your own sake, as well as for his!

God knows that His daughters will only feel truly secure and valued when He is the source of our security.  I hope that the next time you are noticed by a guy, you will thank God for creating you to be beautiful, praise Him for modest femininity, and seek to honor Him in your mind.

So tell me, have you struggled with a warped craving for male attention?

Do you find yourself needing “looks” from guys in order to feel good about yourself?

What are some other tips you can think of to fight for purity in this area?

*This guest post was written by our sweet friend, Elizabeth Halcomb. If you’re interested in writing a guest post for us check out this page. 

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  • LJ

    I literally JUST had a situation like this earlier this morning at lectures.
    I found myself wanting to look at the guy again, to ‘allow’ him to approach me if he wanted to ,
    I quickly stopped myself realising that sin only leads to death, and I should flee the very APPEARANCE of evil .
    This article could not have come at a more perfect time ,
    -Thank you !

    • Elizabeth Halcomb

      Awesome job fighting away that tempting thought, LJ! Praise God for His faithfulness toward us when we seek Him.

  • ThePoeticMusician

    Wow…a real eye opener. I never really thought about these situations from that mindset. I have to deal with this *all* *the* *time* in the corporate world–literally. Sometimes from older guys, sometimes from younger, but almost always from non-Christians. Thank you for this! Something definitely for me to pray about and to strive for.

    • Elizabeth Halcomb

      So glad you were encouraged! Keep standing strong against the lies of Satan, especially in your workplace! Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  • Olivia Scott

    Wow, this came at a perfect time! Amazing how our Daddy works, right? 🙂 I struggle with this ALL THE TIME. I feel like it’s a subconscious thought in my mind every time I go out, and there’s a guy around, I wonder “Does he think I’m pretty?” “Has he noticed me?” and I hate it. I know I shouldn’t think those thoughts. I’ll be working on taking those kind of thoughts captive now that this issue is in the light. Prayer would be appreciated, sisters. ❤

    • Elizabeth Halcomb

      Praise God that this came as a timely reminder for you, Olivia! Thank you for being honest about your struggle. It’s a blessing to see girls truly seeking to take every thought captive in obedience to Christ!

  • Clare

    Hi Elizabeth Halcomb!

    Great post! I know I am only 13 (going on 14) but this is a struggle for girls my age too. Even though we know that it probably won’t (and probably shouldn’t) happen, we still wish for that little glance or smile. Our opinions on that smile or glance might not exactly be the same as for someone who gets that at 25 years old, but it still has that same affect and feeling. It still produces a sometimes sinful thought which we shouldn’t be having. But I find that this post is special because it helps girls my age and older interpret how we should act and feel about these things in a “balanced attitude” as you said. So, thank you for posting!

    -Clare

    • Elizabeth Halcomb

      Hi Clare! Yes, this is sooooo true of gals your age! It’s the perfect time to start building habit of training your thoughts! So glad you liked the post. 🙂

  • Nonameplease

    Sooo….I need some help! This was an amazing post, but there’s this guy at my youth group and he’s so nice and good looking and in reality… a total dream boat 😉 like everyone I know likes him and a few weeks ago he asked me to go out with him!! My parents said I can’t… so I told him no but we can still be “special friends”. He’s going me all this attention but I’m not sure if he’s a Christian/ has the same standards as me. Obviously he says he is and he goes to church and everthing… but I don’t know. What’s a girl to do? Please help!

    • ThePoeticMusician

      I’m 21, don’t know how old you are, but I have definitely been in your shoes! Multiple times.

      If he is not a Christian, then I would strongly recommend not “going along” with his attentions. Remember to be fair to him. I have totally screwed this up on at least one occasion–I knew that I wouldn’t want do be in a serious relationship, but I went along with his attentions anyways. When I realized he was getting emotionally involved, I had to stop. Which was painful–for him, and for me a little because I had enjoyed his attentions.

      If your parents are saying no (again I don’t know how old you are, or if your parents are believers, or if he’s really a believer or not), that is probably your first indicator that God is closing the door. If your parents are telling you no permanently, like ever, then you may want to consider just being friends, and letting him know that. You don’t want to be even “special friends” with someone that you know for a fact that you are not going to ultimately date/court/marry.

    • Clare

      Hi!

      I don’t really know if this was directed to any one person in particular but I’d like to share just a few words on my opinion of your situation. If that is okay.

      My mother always says that I should try not to date someone if they are not of my religion. Even if they are Christian! The reason is because if you both have different religions, you can tend to disagree over your beliefs. It might not happen right away, but eventually I think the moment will come. This disagreeing can cause a strain on your relationship. Even if you actually don’t argue over it, you still have that strain even if you don’t realize it. So when you do have permission to date someone, I think that you should only date someone that has the exact same religion as you. And also, don’t be desperate about it. Even if all of your friends are getting married and living the life, that doesn’t mean that you have to follow exactly what they’re doing. God will send you the right man for the right reasons at the right time.

      I hope this helped you. Have a wonderful day/night!

      -Clare

    • Elizabeth Halcomb

      Hi there!

      I’m so glad you were helped by this post! I know how easy it is to be excited by the attention that you’re receiving from this young man! Thank you for being so honest, and for wanting to do the right thing.

      I would encourage you to think about the big picture in this situation. (That’s been super helpful to me in the past!) Are you and this young man old enough to be ready for marriage? If not, I wouldn’t focus on “special friendships” or even encouraging attention at this point in your life.

      God has so much for you to grow in and give to others in this season of singleness! It will be so helpful to concentrate on your relationship with Christ, preparing for life, and serving others.

      Regardless of your age, it’s extremely likely that your parents have very good reasons for you to not go out with this young man. I would encourage you to listen to their years of wisdom, knowing that God has designed parents to help us avoid mistakes.

      May God bless you as you seek to follow Him and make Him first and foremost in your heart!

  • Kayla

    This came at the PERFECT timing. I struggle with wanting guys attention and I’m always thinking ” does he like me” or “does he think I’m pretty” and I hate it when I think that way. I really want to change from that type of thinking and glorify God with the right thoughts. Is there any bible verse I could memorize for when I start to think that way? Please pray for me. Thx

  • Kayla

    This came at the PERFECT timing. I struggle with wanting guys attention and I’m always thinking ” does he like me” or “does he think I’m pretty” and I hate it when I think that way. I really want to change from that type of thinking and glorify God with the right thoughts. Is there any bible verse I could memorize for when I start to think that way? Please pray for me. Thx

    • Elizabeth Halcomb

      Hi Kayla!
      I’m so glad you’re desiring to fight those sinful tendencies with scripture! There are tons of great verses. Here are a few to get you started:

      2 Corinthians 10:3-5
      For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:
      (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
      Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ…

      Romans 12:1-2
      I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.
      And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

      Colossians 3:1-2
      If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God.
      Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.

      • Kayla

        Thank you, I will definitely be memorizing these verses!:)

  • Thanks for the reminder! It’s tempting to get caught up in living for attention. I don’t usually receive attention from guys, but every once in a while I do. It flatters my vanity, then I feel like I have to live up to that. It’s easy to let your habits and fashion choices change to accommodate and encourage that attention.

  • Zoe Mendel

    Completely true for me too! That’s my everyday reality and sadly I’m seeing this increasing with my single years… I clearly see this need of being noticed and desired by the guys I like shows that I’m not filled of Jesus’ love. In trying to catch the attention of certain guys, other guys come up with their attention. I know that isn’t definitely something a christian should do. Glad for reading this post and all these comments, sisters!

  • Claire

    What a great post! Thank you so much!!

  • Vaughn Ohlman

    1Co 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

    1Co 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

  • Catherine Honor

    Thank you so much for this post. I’ve struggled with this for a long time. I know I can be a dreadful flirt and encourage guys inappropriately. I date a lot and will jump straight into relationships with guys before there’s even a friendship established. When I’m single I’m constantly looking for a boyfriend as I feel so lonely. This post confirmed my thoughts that I do look for affirmation from guys that I’m attractive and desirable. I’m currently in a relationship I have to end as I don’t like him at all. .But in my head I’m already thinking ‘I’m nearly 24, I’ll never find anyone and get married’. I have never come across a Christian guy I can be completely myself with, so I date non-Christian guys. I’ve prayed countless times but can never seem to trust God fully. And so end up in tough situations because I haven’t listened to him.
    It’s good to read these blog posts and the comments, they’re very encouraging.

  • Margaret

    I am a young woman who loves God and am 24. I have never been in a relationship and have often gotten frustrated that guys in church who ‘seemed’ to be attracted to me would never intentionally pursue me.

    A few months ago when I was in a very vulnerable place of desiring so much to be in a relationship and ranting on about this God and that’s when I came into contact with him…

    He was tall, muscular, athletic, attractive & very confident. He had a presence about him that revealed he was a rugby player and probably played at a high level. As he walked past me in the Aquatics Centre carpark, I felt his gaze on me but I turned my back towards him and tried to avoid it (like I usually do!!). I brushed it off and thought nothing of it.

    That was until my cousin and I entered into the Aquatic Gym and he too was there with his friend. As we approached the reception he saw us enter and I noticed him flash a smile to me. Again- I looked away intentionally trying to be preoccupied with the flyers on the reception desk. But really, I too was feeling very attracted to this guy. He was hot and being a tall girl at 6″1 its very hard to find taller men!! But he also seemed to have a lot of charm.

    Again- I brushed it off and continued with my workout. He had disappeared into the weights room where all the men gather in flocks- so I was quite relieved at this and focused on what I needed to do without worrying about him being around. But after about 30mins, I was taking a break and out of nowhere he appeared and walked in front of me towards a nearby workout machine.

    I noticed he had walked in, but again purposely didn’t want to give him my attention as he did, BUT stupidly I could tell he was definitely seeking mine and so I returned his gaze with a sober look. He noticed this and then smiled saying “Hey, how’s it going?” in a very relaxed manner. I broke out in response with a vibrant ‘Goooooooood!!!’ with a large smile. He held my gaze smiled and then walked back to the weights room. I was on a high!! For the very first time a guy had made the effort to approach me boldly to show his interest in me.

    I was quite shocked at my over-enthusiastic response to him!! I happily told my cousin and we laughed about it. It sure did make me feel good!! But I continued to finish my workout trying to put it to the side. About 20 mins later while I was lifting dumb bells, I felt like I was being watched- sure enough I turned and he was at the reception desk staring my way obviously checking me out!! I usually detest it when men give the ‘lusty eyes’ and stare down my body- but weirdly enough I was enjoying this moment. I felt so desirable.

    He left the gym earlier, but that wasn’t the end of him. No- though I have never seen him again in person, I have struggled to not think of him especially the weeks after seeing him which has now turned into months. Clearly he isn’t a christian and I discovered that he was indeed a Regional Sevens Rugby player whose profile was on the Regional website. I did my Facebook stalk on him and found that he had a girlfriend as well.

    Sure I was a little disappointed that he was taken- but I knew deep down that this is not a man God would have me to be with. But how hard it is to mentally take thoughts captive of what a ‘possible relationship’ would look like with this guy, despite this fact. He made me feel so attractive and desirable. Even if he was a player- it made me feel so good!!

    I’ve always been strong in my walk with God and knew a relationship with a non-christian man is the ultimate deal breaker, no matter what. I would even get mad at friends who were settling with these ungodly men! But after this experience, how I know see how easy it is to have the heart be captivated after the wrong things. Especially when you’ve never been in a relationship and have no experience with dating guys whatsoever!!

    I’m thankful I have not seen the guy since then- but there are always times I am out and about secretly hoping i would bump into him again. I no longer attend that same gym and deeply glad I don’t. But the struggle to guard my heart and take thoughts captive of him still continues on…

    Thank you for the encouragement!!!

  • Deranda Smith

    One thing that I cannot stand is lustful attention from males. All my friend think that I am weird and have often referred to be as gay. I know that I am heterosexual but most of the time, the looks that I get make me uncomfortable. This article made me feel so much better and firmer in my view point on this. I personally try to stay far from lustful actions as much as I can for my gain, so that would explain why a male’s lustful gaze would make me uncomfortable. Not forgetting to mention that they also make me feel downgraded when they do that. I’m wondering if I’m the only one that feels that way.

  • Rae

    I was wondering, what if you don’t want attention from a certain guy?

    • Insidious Sid

      Do what most women do. Turn him down softly and confuse him by offering him friendship instead of rejection to make it easier for you in the short run.


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