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When You Feel Like the Last Single Girl Standing

By: Guest Blogger

It happened again.

I sighed and stared down at the little heart displaying a new relationship status on Facebook. Yep, another girl down.

One after the other, the girls my sister and I grew up with were dating and getting married, while we watched— still single, and not a Christian young man in sight.

First, one “in a relationship” status popped up on Facebook. Then another. An engagement announcement, another relationship update, a wedding, more engagement pictures. The jewelry stores were surely running out of rings by now, right?

My sister and I felt like the last single girls standing.

With everyone else pairing up two by two, like a replay of Noah’s ark, the whirlwind of romance blowing through town seemed to have left us behind.

We were discouraged. Lonely. Wondering, “Will it ever be me?”

Can you relate? Take heart, single gal, you’re not the only one. Here are four things to keep in mind.

1. There’s nothing wrong with you. 

When we’re single, it’s easy to allow our minds to be inundated with thoughts like, “What does she have that I haven’t got?” or “What did he see in her that he didn’t see in me?” and even, “Is there something wrong with me?”

Been there, done that.

The short answer is no.

 Once, during a particular disheartening day, my sister asked me, “Do we exude something that repels guys?” My trite reply, “Yes, it’s called class.” 

All jokes aside, there’s nothing wrong with you.

You don’t have a neon sign above your head flashing “Stay away!” and you don’t exude single man repellent either. You just haven’t met the right one yet.

However, this doesn’t mean we’re exempt from perfecting our character and seeking God to refine us and help us be the women He’s created us to be. I have issues; you have issues. We’re each a work in progress, made more beautiful by the gentle correction and remolding of our Father.

2. Keep your standards high.

Desperation has a way of clawing itself into our hearts when we see everyone else getting what we long for. And a desperate heart can make unwise decisions.

No matter how desperate you feel, please don’t try to force a relationship to happen by lowering your standards. Many girls think they’ve just been too picky, and that’s why they’re still single. For some, maybe that’s true. Honestly evaluate yourself, and what you’ve been looking for in a spouse, but don’t compromise on what’s really important.

Maybe “dark, curly hair” and “plays the guitar” can be scratched off your list, but “strong Christian,” “humble,” and “kind and respectful,” cannot.

It’s better to be single than to be in a relationship or marriage that makes you long for singleness.

Don’t make a permanent mistake to satisfy a momentary longing. Don’t settle for second best or “Mr. Right Now.” Hold out for the man who leads you spiritually, cherishes you, pursues you, and treats you like the prize you are.

3. Avoid comparison—and social media (if necessary).

This goes back to those questions we asked earlier, “What did he see in her, that he didn’t see in me?”

Comparison is an ugly and destructive thing, but something we all struggle with. What makes it so harmful is that it seeks to degrade someone. Either it degrades the other person, as we compare and find ourselves on top, or it degrades us, as we compare and find ourselves lacking. Neither outcome, however, is truth.

When God first formed us, He didn’t give one all the admirable qualities and forgot about someone else. He made us differently, but equally, and a guy’s attention—or lack thereof—doesn’t equate worth.

One of the biggest and deadliest weapons comparison wields is social media.

For me, if I hadn’t been on Facebook, I wouldn’t have found out about all those relationship updates and engagements, at least not for a much longer time, I didn’t need to know about my friend’s (and a few strangers thrown in too!) new boyfriend. It was harmful, not helpful, and by having a social media account, I was opening the door and inviting those negative emotions in.

Social media, in and off itself, isn’t necessarily harmful, but when used incorrectly, it takes our focus off Jesus, turns our attention to the lives and opinions of other people, and invites comparison into our hearts.

If you find yourself discouraged and insecure, comparison whispering lies, after a few minutes of your Facebook timeline or Instagram feed, then don’t be afraid to be a little radical and get off social media.

4. Your single years can be full of romance.

Singleness is often made out as a deadly disease to be avoided at all cost, when in actuality; it’s just a different stage of life. Granted, a stage of life difficult for a girl longing for marriage, but one that shouldn’t be rejected as useless, or condemned as poison.

My prayer for my own single years, is that they would be time of a special love with Jesus—my true husband and Lover of my heart.

I know He has every ability to fulfill my deepest longings and desires, and I seek Him to daily satisfy my heart. His is a love no man’s can compare to. His is a love that never gives up, never grows dim. And I want, more than I want a temporary boyfriend, to be so utterly lost in His love, a man will have to pursue Him to find me.

Dear single girl, please listen and remember this. I know you’re longing for love— I do too. Turn to the Lover.

I know you ache to be held, loved, and known. Look to the One who aches to hold, love, and know you.

I know every time you see a friend in a relationship, your heart bleeds and breaks a little more. Rest in the Healer, Satisfier, and Comforter.

I know you’re lonely, hurting. I know you’re weary, but take heart; He will give you the strength you need to face each day of singleness. He won’t give you strength today to last all year, all month, or even all week, because He wants you to turn to Him daily. He will be faithful to provide strength for today, as you lean into His promises for tomorrow.

Take heart, single girl. You are dearly loved and never forgotten.

-Have you ever felt like “the last single girl standing”? How did you deal with it?

-Which point is hardest for you to apply? Which spoke to you the most?

-How can you personally begin to focus on Jesus in your single years?

Meet the Author: Sara Barratt is a regular contributor for The Rebelution and Top Christian Books and has been published on numerous other blogs including Lies Young Women Believe, Know Your Value and The Overflow. Connect with her on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/sarabarrattauthor/ ) and at www.sarabarratt.com

PHOTO CREDIT

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  • Ana

    Thank you Sara for this blog, it really spoke to my heat since I am a 30 year old woman who is desperately longing for a husband. But your blog was very reassuring and convicting as I have let my desire blind me from the one who truly loves me. I really Love the part were you said that (I know you ache to be held, loved, and known. Look to the One who aches to hold, love, and know you). GOD is faithful.

    • Sara Barratt

      Oh Ana, this comment means so much to me! Thank YOU! I’m so blessed and humbled this spoke to you! I’m praying right now that God leads you to the right man, but mostly that He showers you with HIS love! ❤ Yes, God is faithful!

  • Bella D.

    Great work, Sara! This is another great article. I so love reading all of them, so be sure to post more!

  • Janise Anderson

    Thank you for writing this. Sometimes I feel this way, but your post walked me back to the truth that I know, but sometimes forget. You’ve encouraged me! (especially near Valentine’s day)

  • Shanae B

    Great post! I especially liked the first two things on your list of things to keep in mind! As a 29 year old single I can’t tell you how often people try to assess me to figure out why I’m still single. Some people try to say I’m too picky, don’t love God enough, or am too close to my family as reasons for why I have this “problem.” This post is very encouraging, thanks for sharing! 🙂

    • Sara Barratt

      Hey Shanae! I’m excited you could relate to this! I so understand what you mean. Thank you for reading and commenting! ❤

  • Sara, it was such a pleasant surprise to find this article written by you today! Love this and you, sweet sister! This was such an encouraging article and really needed for me today. Probably the hardest of the points for me to apply is to “keep my standards high.” It’s easy for us girls at times to let temporary good looks blind us of a person’s true heart. I want to marry someone (if that’s God’s will for me) that reflects my true Prince and His sacrificial love and this was a great reminder to hold out for that! ❤️

    • Sara Barratt

      Hey Olivia! This comment made me smile! I’m so thankful Jesus used this to bless you! All glory to Him! I love your heart and perspective. You’re right, it IS easy to be temporarily temporarily blinded, but yes, we want a man who reflects Christ! Thank you for sharing, my friend! ❤

  • Such good reminders Sara! And yes being radicle with social media is hard but I’ve found that limiting my use of media in general (including movies and music) has been a huge help in keeping my heart content and my focus on Christ.

    • Sara Barratt

      Absolutely! I can totally relate to that. Thanks, friend, for taking the time to read this and comment. It means so much to me! ❤

  • CharLatte

    I actually decided to do a year without Facebook for this very reason. I had a bad habit of endlessly scrolling, not just wasting time but constantly tempted to compare myself to others. Although when I’m bored I sort of miss it, I realize it is the best decision I have ever made. My life is so much more peaceful now without all the social media “noise”.

  • Krystel Lumacad

    I already have a boyfriend but I can relate to #3 . Negative thoughts and lies keeps on creeping my mind every time I look at someone else’s facebook pictures, status etc. Comparison is a deadly thing for us Christian girls but I am so thankful that Jesus always reminds me that I am loved and should not compare myself to others. Thank u so much for this post! I want to share this for my single girl-friends. 🙂 God bless!

    • Sara Barratt

      Amen. I’m so glad this was an encouragement to you, Krystel! Thank you for reading and commenting! God bless! ❤

  • Ariel

    This is So good! I love ” Don’t make a permanent mistake to satisfy a momentary longing.”!!!! Thank you so much!!

    • Sara Barratt

      Thank YOU so much, Ariel! I’m so blessed it was a blessing! All glory to Jesus! ❤

  • Ruth Bennett

    Wow, I needed that. Thank you so much!

  • Rachel Chevassut

    This was such a good post to read – thank you for the honesty and truth in it! I find earch and every point difficult because I feel there must be a lot wrong with me being 29 and always having been single so makes me think I must be doing a lot wrong, that maybe I should start looking to other options and considering less than what I would ideally wait for and I am a big sucker in falling into comparison traps! But what you write speaks such truth and I know I need to breathe that into my life more, biblical, God honouring truths! What you wrote in the last section says it all and brought me to sobbing tears – while alone and in such pain, Jesus is the true lover, healer, comforter and satisfier! Thank you for this post and for these words! Rachel x

    • Sara Barratt

      You’re so welcome, Rachel! I well understand the struggle. It’s a constant battle for me as well, and I’m so very humbled that God would use my struggle to bless you . Thank you for reading this and I pray Jesus draws you closer to Himself. 🙂

  • Katelyn Kennedy

    This is exactly what I needed to hear. My sister and I are currently going through the season of singleness. We are the only (older) girls left in our church that is single and it can be discouraging. It seems as if it never works out with any guys we are interested in but we know that the Lord is trying to mold us into better Christian women that one day he will be able to truly use us for his will. I would rather wait and meet the right one and the Lord glorify our marriage for his ministry than rush into a marriage in which God is not the foundation of. One of my goals for 2018 is the be content with the Lord. Pray for my sister and I. We are currently in college in hopes of becoming a nurse and PTA and waiting to see what God will do with our lives.

    • Sara Barratt

      I love your perspective, Katelyn. Even though it’s hard you’re seeking after Jesus and I love that! I’m right there with you! I’m so so humbled that God would use this in your life. I just prayed that God would lead you into His perfect plan and open up doors of blessing for you and your sister!

  • Rose

    Thanks so much for this article. I best friend recently got a boyfriend, and it’s left me feeling lonely and unsatisfied. I need to be constantly reminded to look for my satisfaction in God.

    • Sara Barratt

      Hi Rose! I just saw this comment. 🙂 I’m so glad that this article blessed you! Yes, it’s hard, but true satisfaction is found in Jesus!


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