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Why Chasing After Guys Didn’t Make Me Happy

By: Kristen Clark

I went through one of the hardest breakups in my life when I was twenty years old. I was one week away from being engaged when everything suddenly ended. I never saw the ring and my “almost” husband exited my life forever. As difficult as that season was for me, God was graciously sparing me from entering into a marriage that wouldn’t have been good (and a few years later I ended up marrying Zack!).

The full story is too long to share right now, but I remember feeling a distinct void in my life right after that heart-wrenching breakup.

Instead of turning wholeheartedly to God to fill my void, I sought attention from other guys.

There was an ache in my heart and I didn’t like the feeling. I tried to mask it by building friendships with guys and hoping my “real” prince charming would show up soon. Instead of pursuing a relationship with my King, I chased after relationships with guys. Instead of trusting God for the timing of romance in my life, I tried to force things. I took matters into my own hands and placed guys above God. I wasn’t seeking God’s wisdom for my life, but was basing my decisions on my feelings. The more I pursued guys, the further my heart drifted away from my King.

It wasn’t until a while later that I learned a very hard, but important lesson.

Guys can’t satisfy me. Only God can. 

We live in a culture that romanticizes everything and encourages us to chase after guys. We’re taught that it’s normal to obsess about guys and make them the central focus of our lives. We’re told that it’s okay to bounce from one guy to the next, hoping to discover true love along the wat. We’re taught that it’s fine to allow our emotions to direct our thinking and choices.

As popular as these messages are, they’re unbiblical and extremely harmful to us as Christian women.

We were created to be fully satisfied by one man alone. Jesus. No earthly relationship — no matter how romantic — can fully satisfy us. I’ve been married to my amazing husband, Zack, for over 8 years now, and even our beautiful relationship isn’t enough to fully satisfy me. Guys can’t satisfy us. Only our relationship with Jesus can meet our deepest needs.

Psalm 16:11 says, “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

You see, when you pursue guys above your King, you get everything backward.

You lose sight of wisdom, sound judgment, Christ-centered emotions, and truth. You begin listening to your heart more than God’s Word. You begin worrying and obsessing instead of praying. You become discontent and impatient rather than resting in God’s timing. It’s not until you repentant and place Christ first in your heart, that everything flows right again.

When loving Christ is truly at the center of your heart, you will become prayerful, peaceful, content, happy, joy-filled, and excited about life — regardless of whether or not a guy is on the horizon.

I love the advice that Leslie Ludy gives, “Until Jesus Christ is the obsession of your heart, you’ll always be looking to mere men to meet your needs that only He can fill. Only when you make Jesus Christ your first love, will you be ready for a love story that reflects His glory.”

Until your King becomes the priority of your life, you won’t be ready for an earthly prince.

If you want to prepare for marriage, choosing to love Christ fully is the BEST thing you can possibly do. I know it’s hard. And I know the struggle is real. But I can’t encourage you enough to pursue Jesus with all your heart and entrust your love life to God. And you know what? This is true when you’re single, and it’s true when you’re married. Even now, I have to intentionally pursue my relationship with God first before my relationship with Zack. When I get that backward, my marriage has a lot of struggles.

How about you right now?

Are you busy pursuing your King, or are you chasing after earthly romances with guys?

I’d love to hear from you below. 

  • In what ways do you struggle with chasing after guys, instead of running to Christ?

For a deeper dive on this topic, check out our book, Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships. 

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2021 Conference
Radical Purity
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