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Why Chasing After Guys Didn’t Make Me Happy

By: Kristen Clark

I went through one of the hardest breakups in my life when I was twenty years old. I was one week away from being engaged when everything suddenly ended. I never saw the ring and my “almost” husband exited my life forever. As difficult as that season was for me, God was graciously sparing me from entering into a marriage that wouldn’t have been good (and a few years later I ended up marrying Zack!).

The full story is too long to share right now, but I remember feeling a distinct void in my life right after that heart-wrenching breakup.

Instead of turning wholeheartedly to God to fill my void, I sought attention from other guys.

There was an ache in my heart and I didn’t like the feeling. I tried to mask it by building friendships with guys and hoping my “real” prince charming would show up soon. Instead of pursuing a relationship with my King, I chased after relationships with guys. Instead of trusting God for the timing of romance in my life, I tried to force things. I took matters into my own hands and placed guys above God. I wasn’t seeking God’s wisdom for my life, but was basing my decisions on my feelings. The more I pursued guys, the further my heart drifted away from my King.

It wasn’t until a while later that I learned a very hard, but important lesson.

Guys can’t satisfy me. Only God can. 

We live in a culture that romanticizes everything and encourages us to chase after guys. We’re taught that it’s normal to obsess about guys and make them the central focus of our lives. We’re told that it’s okay to bounce from one guy to the next, hoping to discover true love along the wat. We’re taught that it’s fine to allow our emotions to direct our thinking and choices.

As popular as these messages are, they’re unbiblical and extremely harmful to us as Christian women.

We were created to be fully satisfied by one man alone. Jesus. No earthly relationship — no matter how romantic — can fully satisfy us. I’ve been married to my amazing husband, Zack, for over 8 years now, and even our beautiful relationship isn’t enough to fully satisfy me. Guys can’t satisfy us. Only our relationship with Jesus can meet our deepest needs.

Psalm 16:11 says, “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

You see, when you pursue guys above your King, you get everything backward.

You lose sight of wisdom, sound judgment, Christ-centered emotions, and truth. You begin listening to your heart more than God’s Word. You begin worrying and obsessing instead of praying. You become discontent and impatient rather than resting in God’s timing. It’s not until you repentant and place Christ first in your heart, that everything flows right again.

When loving Christ is truly at the center of your heart, you will become prayerful, peaceful, content, happy, joy-filled, and excited about life — regardless of whether or not a guy is on the horizon.

I love the advice that Leslie Ludy gives, “Until Jesus Christ is the obsession of your heart, you’ll always be looking to mere men to meet your needs that only He can fill. Only when you make Jesus Christ your first love, will you be ready for a love story that reflects His glory.”

Until your King becomes the priority of your life, you won’t be ready for an earthly prince.

If you want to prepare for marriage, choosing to love Christ fully is the BEST thing you can possibly do. I know it’s hard. And I know the struggle is real. But I can’t encourage you enough to pursue Jesus with all your heart and entrust your love life to God. And you know what? This is true when you’re single, and it’s true when you’re married. Even now, I have to intentionally pursue my relationship with God first before my relationship with Zack. When I get that backward, my marriage has a lot of struggles.

How about you right now?

Are you busy pursuing your King, or are you chasing after earthly romances with guys?

I’d love to hear from you below. 

  • In what ways do you struggle with chasing after guys, instead of running to Christ?

For a deeper dive on this topic, check out our book, Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships. 

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8 Responses to Why Chasing After Guys Didn’t Make Me Happy

  1. GirlDefined says:

    Thanks for sharing and we’re SO glad you found it helpful! <3

  2. Hollie Cardin says:

    I can really struggle with not being “good enough” and when this feeling comes, I tend to criticize my husband for making me feel this way, when in reality I am not putting my worth in Jesus!! In Him, I am enough! I am perfectly made!! He is my worth and the reason I am here!! Praise the Lord for His unfailing mercy and Grace and for His constant love!!

  3. Coconat817 says:

    Thanks for sharing this! The struggle is real and I constantly have to surrender to God and keep my hands open to Him.

  4. BellaHickleberry says:

    Thank you so much for this. I’m just going through a tough break up myself and really struggling to come to terms with everything, now that my life has gone in a totally different direction than I had thought. I’ve been stuck on the “why’s” rather than accepting that Jesus knows what’s best for me. I’ve got to trust that God is in this, but that’s hard! Your thoughts have been so encouraging to me. I know that pursuing Christ above all things will truly satisfy me, and I can’t wait to see where he’s leading me in all this. Thank you so much for sharing this, exactly what I needed to hear!

  5. Suzie says:

    Hi Kristen! I can so relate to this! I had a “break up” that was REALLY REALLY hard about 3 months ago… the void the emptiness I felt, oh man, my heart is was torn to pieces and given back to me to put together. I didn’t really want to talk to God at that time, so I chased another young man, and he wasn’t interested at all and that hurt me because he kind of led me on, so… I am starting to learn that chasing guys isn’t getting me anywhere, but my relationship with Jesus is making me closer and more like Him!!! It’s Amazing! Praise the Lord! Sometimes God lets those things happen to us to teach us and show us the direction to go!

  6. Reagan says:

    Only our relationship with Jesus can meet our deepest needs.

    Wow, I never saw it that way. I’ve grown up in the church and have always known that God can meet our every need, but I guess I thought he gave you a husband to love you in ways that He can’t. I never said that, but I think that was my general mindset. Thanks for writing.

    • Charity Ampumuza Kabagambe says:

      Jesus is so in love with you. He doesn’t only love you he’s IN LOVE with you. Ask him to reveal that to youxxx His sweetness is satisfying

  7. answered prayers says:

    pg2The Antichrist
    Lamentations 4:12, The kings of the earth did not believe, nor all the inhabitants of the world, that a foe or enemy could enter the gates of Jerusalem. (Ezekiel 8:5,3; Revelation 11:2)
    “the working of Satan”
    2 Thessalonians 2:9-10, Even him, whose coming is after “the working of Satan” with all power and signs and lying wonders, and with all deceptions of unrighteousness (Matthew 24:23-24) in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved.

    The spirit of the Antichrist, who is “the Satan” was already at work over two thousand years ago because Jesus open one of the seals from the book of the seven seals whom he received from right hand of G-d in the Holy of Holies.
    Jesus enters the Holy of Holies
    Torah “Chabad” Daniel 7:13, I saw in the visions of the night, and behold with the clouds of the heaven, “one like a man” was coming, and he came up to the Ancient of Days and was brought before Him.)
    Acts 1:9-11, And when he had spoken these words, while they beheld, he was taken up; and a cloud received him out of their sight.
    And while they looked steadfastly toward heaven as he went up, behold, two men stood by them in white apparel;
    Which also said, You men of Galilee, why stand you gazing up into heaven? This same Jesus, which is taken up from you into heaven, shall so come in like manner as you have seen him go into heaven.
    Holy of Holies
    Revelation 5:4-7, And I wept much, because no man was found worthy to open and to read the book, neither to look thereon.
    And one of the elders said to me, Weep not: behold, the Lion from the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has prevailed to open the book, and to loose the seven seals thereof.
    And I beheld, and, lo, in the midst of the throne and of the four beasts, and in the midst of the elders, stood a Lamb as it had been slain, having seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven Angels of God sent forth into all the earth.
    And he came and took the book out of the right hand of him that sat upon the throne.
    “Jesus opens one of the seals”
    Jesus opens one of the seals because on earth men (who knew G-d) counterfeited the Messianic words in the scriptures of the prophets and created this other bible for the gentiles (forefathers of the Roman Catholic “Mother” Church) to continue teaching another Jesus Christ “word” of prophecy to the nations!
    Torah “Chabad” Daniel 8:8, And the he-goat waxed exceedingly huge, and when it became strong, the great horn broke, and an appearance of four sprouted in its stead, to the four directions of the heavens.
    Revelation 6:1-2, And I saw when the Lamb opened one of the seals, and I heard, as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts saying, Come and see.
    And I saw, and behold a white horse: and he that sat on him had a bow; and a crown was given to him: and he went forth conquering, and to conquer.
    Jeremiah 4:7, A lion has come up from his thicket, and a destroyer of nations has traveled, has come forth from his place, to make your land into a waste, your cities will be desolate without an inhabitant.
    Isaiah 14:16-17, Those who see you shall look at you; shall gaze earnestly at you, ‘Is this the man who caused the earth to quake, who wrought havoc among the kingdoms? Who made the land like a desert, and his cities he demolished; for his prisoners he did not open the house.
    “And he that sat on him had a bow”
    Torah “Chabad” Amos 2:15, And he who holds the bow shall not stand, and the fleet-footed shall not deliver, and the rider of the horse shall not deliver himself.
    “And a crown was given to him”
    Torah “Chabad” Ezekiel 28:12-13, “Son of man, raise a lamentation over the “king” of Tyre and say to him, So said the Lord God: You are the one who engraves images, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty.
    In Eden, the garden of God you were; every precious stone was [set in] your covering; ruby, topaz, diamond, chrysolite, onyx, and jasper, sapphire, carbuncle, and crystal and gold; the work of your drums and your orifices is in you; on the day of your creation they were established.
    “and he went forth conquering, and to conquer”
    Luke 4:5-6, And the devil, taking him up into a high mountain, showed to him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time.
    And the devil said to him, All this power will I give you, and the glory of them: for that is delivered to me; and to whomsoever I will I give it.
    Luke 4:9, And he brought him to Jerusalem, and set him on a pinnacle of the temple, and said to him, If you be the Son of God, cast yourself down from here:
    Luke 4:9 is Torah “Chabad” Daniel 8:11 and Isaiah 14:13-14, And you said to yourself, ‘To the heavens will I ascend, above God’s stars will I raise my throne, and I will sit on the mount of the assembly, in the farthest end of the north. I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will liken myself to the Most High.’

    Soon Revelation chapter 11 and 12 shall be fulfilled in the great city and in the land of the living. Then comes the great ingathering of the exiles to Israel (this includes USA Jews), then comes Joel prophecy (Rev7:2) great outpouring of G-d’s spirit upon all flesh (read Torah “Chabad” Ezekiel chapter 8 and 9). then comes End of Days (Torah “Chabad” Zech 13:8-9; Matt24:21-22), (Rev chapter 9) spiritual plagues upon those who have counterfeit seal upon their forehead and powers of Satan on right hand to deceive (Rev 18:22-23); Torah “Chabad” Daniel 11:39, And he will construct for the fortresses (replicas of the Temple) of the strongholds with a foreign god; whomever he will recognize, he will honor increasingly, and he will give them dominion over multitudes, and he will apportion land for a price (Luke 4:5-7).
    2Thess 2:4, Who opposes and exalts himself above all that is called God, or that is worshiped; so that he as God sits in the temple of God (Luke4:9; Rev11:2), showing himself that he is God (Torah “Chabad” Ezek chapter 28).
    1 Peter 4:17-18, For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the word of God?
    And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear (Luke 17:20-21;Matt17:4-5)?
    Then comes heavenly war (Rev chapter 17) and earthly war (Rev20:8) during End of Days known as Great Tribulation. During this time millions will die every day until G-d shortens the days for the remaining elect who are preserved on earth and will come in agreement with G-d giving Jesus Christ a new name to remove the beast and its image (Torah “Chabad” Daniel 8:11; Ezek 8:3&5; Luke 4:9; Rev 11:2 from KJV HB)
    G-d sends His Anointed One Jesus Christ who has received a new name (Matthew 7:21-23) to outer court and immediately removes the beast from its seat (Rev11:2;Daniel 8:11;Luke 4:9) and false prophet (Torah “Chabad” 2Kings22:21-22;Rev16:13).
    Then the armies of the beast (those who worship his image), who are the kings, great men of the earth (church leaders), will come to spiritual awareness that they were not fighting against the coming Antichrist Satan and his beast. They were fighting against G-d and His Anointed One Jesus Christ! They run for the caves in the mountains (Revelation 6:15-17 which should be the opening of the sixth seal) The seventh seal is the last day and hour of the End of Days (Amo5:18; Isaiah 63:4;Rev6:12-14; Torah “Chabad” Joel 2:11;Joel 2:31;Rev20:10-15)

    No final resurrection and redemption until all prophecies from Torah “Chabad” and Book of Revelation are fulfilled!
    G-d sends His Anointed One Jesus Christ into earthly realm. Then comes the final resurrection and redemption.
    Woe to those who desire the day of the Lord. Why would you have the day of the Lord? It is darkness, and not light. As if a man flees from the lion and the bear meets him, and he comes to the house and leans his hand on the wall, and a serpent bites him.
    Is not the day of the Lord darkness and not light, even very dark, with no brightness in it Amos 5:18-20.
    Jesus Christ coming upon the earth and behind him is the fire of G-d (true light) consuming the earth and all its works.
    Luke 3:17, Whose fan is in his hand, and he will thoroughly purge his floor, and will gather the wheat into his barn (body); but the chaff he will burn with fire unquenchable.
    Luke 17:37, And they answered and said to him, Where, Lord? And he said to them, Wheresoever the body is, there will the eagles be gathered together.
    Romans 8:23, And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the sealing of the Holy Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the resurrection, to witness, the redemption of our body.
    2 Timothy 2:19, Nevertheless the Spirit of God stands sure, having this seal, The Lord knows them that are his. And, let every one that names the name of Jesus Christ depart from iniquity.
    Luke 17:28-29, Likewise also as it was in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they build; But the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all.
    Revelation 20:11, And I saw a great white throne, and him that sat on it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away; and there was found no place for them.
    Torah “Chabad” Isaiah 66:22-24, For, as the new heavens and the new earth that I am making, stand before Me,” says the Lord, “so shall your seed and your name stand.
    Revelation 21:1, And I saw new heavens and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.
    And it shall be from new moon to new moon and from Sabbath to Sabbath, that all flesh shall come to prostrate themselves before Me,” says the Lord.
    Luke 24:39, Behold my hands and my feet, that it is I myself: handle me, and see; for a spirit has not flesh and bones, as you see me have.
    “And they shall go out and see the corpses of the people who rebelled against Me, for their worm shall not die, and their fire shall not be quenched, and they shall be an abhorring for all flesh.”
    Zephaniah 3:8, Therefore, wait for Me, says the Lord, for the day that I will rise up to meet [with you]. For it is My judgment to assemble nations, to gather kingdoms, to pour out My fury upon them; yea, all the kindling of My wrath, for with the fire of My jealousy all the earth shall be consumed.
    Daniel 2:35, Then the iron, the clay, the copper, the silver, and the gold crumbled together, and they were like chaff from the threshing floors of the summer, and the wind carried them off, and no place was found for them, and the stone that struck the image became a huge mountain and filled the entire earth.
    In front of Jesus the dead are raised many return to their sinful flesh and many change into heavenly body. The land of living many stay in their sinful flesh and many change into heavenly body. Jesus Christ is coming and then immediately those who raised from the dead and those who are alive that changed into heavenly body are taken immediately into the body of Jesus Christ. Then those who raised from the dead return to their sinful flesh and those alive who stayed in their sinful flesh are consumed by the coming fire (wrath) of G-d behind Jesus Christ. They are consumed along with the earth and all its works!!!! I am telling the truth
    G-d and His Anointed One, Jesus Christ calling true believers to come out of these worship buildings, mega churches, any religious organization that are called of G-d and set up for worship. These places are filled with devils, demons, unclean spirits that come as angels of light speaking word of G-d mixed with perversion.
    Jeremiah 51:7, Babylon is a golden cup in the Lord’s hand, it intoxicates all the earth; nations have drunk of her wine, therefore, nations are mad.
    The fulfillment of the gentiles is at hand because they preach and believe in the “lie” which is the counterfeit scriptures of the prophets in the “Old Testament” Holy Bible.
    Churches and their “Christianity” religion rejects the Jewish King Messiah Jesus Christ came in the flesh and fulfilled the Torah “Chabad” Messianic words in the scriptures of the prophets!!!!!
    The mystery of iniquity is at work among non-chosen believers/leaders in these worship buildings that preach another Jesus Christ “word” of prophecy known as the “virgin birth” prophecy which is a counterfeit!
    The “virgin birth” prophecy is a fable created by men (Jewish rulers) who knew G-d, because they could not stop the chosen twelve disciples from teaching Jesus Christ from the Torah “Chabad” scriptures of the prophets, Law of Moses, and book of Psalms!
    G-d only opens and closes the womb! Ruth 4:13, And Boaz took Ruth, and she became his wife, and he was intimate with her, and the “Lord gave her conception”, and she bore a son.
    These churches “worship buildings” is mystery babylon, whose sins have reached the throne of G-d! I am the witness!
    I am the woman who fights against the dragon to bring the true testimony of Jesus Christ from the Torah “Chabad” Messianic words in the scriptures of the prophets (Ephesians 2:20)!

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