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Why Girl Friendships Need to be a Crucial Part of Your Life

By: Bethany Beal

I get along so much easier with guys. They’re easier to talk with, easier to laugh with, and they don’t get caught up in the drama. Is it wrong that I prefer having close guy friends over close girlfriends? -Anonymous Girl

Why is it that guy friendships seem to come so effortlessly and girl friendships seem to take a lot of work and effort? Why is it that guy friendships seem to be drama free, and girl friendships can often be drama filled? Is it really (like really really) important to invest into girl friendships, or can guy friendships do?

If you’re anything like me (when I was single), I’m sure you’ve had some of those thoughts run through your mind.

Deep in your heart, you know that having girl friendships are important, but you don’t like the idea of working hard to invest and make them happen. Girls can tend to be complicated. Guys tend to be more chill and easier to get along with.

I know. I totally get it.

Despite how I’ve felt about this issue of guy vs. girl friendships in my earlier days of being single, I want to share with you what I’ve discovered over the past few years.

I genuinely believe (from personal experience) that girl-to-girl friendships are a crucial aspect of our lives as single women.

My life has been so greatly impacted by my solid Christian girlfriends.

I’m convinced no guy could replace that impact.

Girls can share deeply. Love strongly. Cry together. Pray through the real stuff. Hug each other. Share in joys and sorrows together. Ask the tough questions. Be there during the tough moments. Celebrate good times. Laugh at the awkward moments.

We get to keep each other accountable. Challenge one another. And (the best part lol) we get to talk about our love lives, chat about guys, and reveal some of our deepest desires and longings.

Those are just a few of the unique things that come about in solid girl-to-girl friend relationships.

If you’ve ever thought “girl friendships are just too hard. I’m sticking with the guys,” I want you to consider these pros and cons of guy/girl & girl/girl friendships. This isn’t an exhaustive list, just stuff I’ve learned along the way.

3 Difficult Issues That Come With Having Only Close Guy Friendships

1. Unwise Emotional Attachment Takes Place

Often times either one or the other gets emotionally attached and involved. One of the persons just wants to “be friends” and the other is left sad and brokenhearted. This is probably the most common issue with deep/personal guy/girl friendships. If two people who are “just friends” develop a deep and emotionally driven friendship, one of them is bound to come out with a bit of a broken heart.

2. The temptation to Share the Deep and Intimate Aspects of Life

How can we, as girls, resist sharing our deepest most intimate thoughts and truest longings with a guy (that’s not our husband or boyfriend) in a beneficial way? That’s really hard to do. I’ve been there and it’s not an easy place to be. When a guy friend has a listening ear, and we’ve got a lot going on, it can be really tempting to pour out our guts to the closest guy friend available. If guy friends are all we’ve got, the temptation to open up and go deeply intimate will be very present.

3. Trouble Because it Can’t Be Maintained Long Term

Think about. Once you are married it wouldn’t be super appropriate or beneficial to maintain deep friendships with guys who aren’t your husband. It’s just not wise or healthy. That means that all of your current deep guy friendships are all short term (unless you marry the dude). If you’re investing most of your time into guy friendships, what will you have once you get married? Who will stand up next to you at your wedding? Who will be there for you to laugh, cry, love, and challenge you during your future relationship? Guy friendships just can’t really be maintained like that long term.

3 Awesome benefits that Come With Close Girl Friendships

1. Total Openness and Honesty

When you’re sitting across the table, drinking hot coffee, looking into the loving eyes of a sweet girlfriend, total openness and honesty can be had. You can share. She can share. And true friendship can be enjoyed. These are the types of friendships we all need (and often desire) in our lives. These are the friendships that will celebrate with you during the good and mourn with us during the bad. These friendships can be enjoyed throughout the future. There doesn’t need to be an end to this sort of friendship.

2. Great Quality Time Spent Together

You can head over to your girl friend’s place late at night, early in the morning, or even have a sleepover. The options are much more vast. You can spend serious quality time together without worrying if it’s “too much.” You can just share, enjoy, and grow from the awesome friendship being developed. In fact, quality time is one of the best ways to grow a deep and meaningful relationship. Between girls, it would be encouraged. Between a guy/girl, it’s a whole lot more complicated.

3. Christ-Centered Love Flows Freely and It lasts

Learning how to give Christ-centered love is a constant need. It’s not easy to always give that to those we spend the most time with. Having a deep and meaningful relationship with a solid girl gives you the opportunity to truly practice loving her as Christ loves you. Not to mention this friendship has the ability to last long into the future. It doesn’t have to stop when one of you gets married. It can last for literally decades to come.

It can be hard, but it’s worth it.

My hope and prayer are that you too will choose to invest in girl friendships. Even though it’s hard. Even though it’s inconvenient. Girl-to-girl friendships are just truly irreplaceable. I get that they don’t always come easy, but who said good things always come easy? Some of the best things take the most time and work.

Don’t give up on girl friendships just because they’re hard.

I challenge you to make up your own list. What are some of the long-term pros and cons of having mostly deep guy friendships? What are the pros and cons of having deep girl friendships?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Share with me in the comments below.


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11 Responses to Why Girl Friendships Need to be a Crucial Part of Your Life

  1. Nelli Savchenko says:

    Thank you Bethany! Girl to girl friendships are so special!!!!

  2. Nelli Savchenko says:

    Thank you Bethany! Girl to girl friendships are so special!!!! I used to be that girl that thought she didn’t have any friends and I thought I would never have those Pinterest friends that you would see on pinerest hanging out! But God gave me amazing friendships just at the right time! He is so good!

  3. Virtue says:

    Thank you for this.. but my problem is one girl I know isn’t a Christian another has different beliefs 2 live in England and 2 don’t talk to me because of certain reasons… we just moved and our church only has guys my age and all the younger girls are drooling over these guys (way older then them) and I don’t want any part in it… I’m about yo be 17 so… I need godly friendships and I have connected with my mom and sister but I still long for outside friendships… what would be recommended?

  4. Ellie says:

    I SO agree with Virtue.

    I thought I was starting to build up the friend list, but this year, all my friends have either died, deserted or manipulated, or snubbed and ignored me. How can I make friends when there’s none there? And how can I control these feelings for a guy I see twice a year, but who I am good friends with???

    • Virtue says:

      I’m sorry to hear this Ellie! My heart goes out to you! I know how you feel because two girls I thought where my friends started picking fun at me… so when the issue was confronted one doesn’t talk to me and the still holds jealous feelings towards me..
      My advice to you about this guy is pray and ask God to hold your heart as well as your future pray for this young man that God will be his guide and leader through out the years! Pray that as you wait that you will grow closer to the Lord! Pray that your thoughts would glorify the Lord and that your heart will remain unhurt, the Lord knows your feelings he knows this guy he knows what’s best for you and as you wait trust that the Lord will guide you to make the right decisions!❤ I know what it’s like… although I’m not anywhere near getting married I know who holds my future and heart! God will lead you whether it mean you guys start seeing each other more often or continue the way you are! Just trust and pray get focused!

  5. Sea Star says:

    I totally love this article! But I wanted to flesh out another perspective. Concerning the difficult issues with having only close guy friendships:

    First of all, you can have guy friendships while still having girl friendships, and not spend one-on-one time with your guy friends. That clears up most of the problems listed. Furthermore:

    1. Unwise emotional attachment
    It’s been my experience that guys are not really interested in me. I have had lots of guy friends and not one of them has ever expressed that he likes me. So the battle on this end has been mostly me making sure I’m treating guys as brothers in Christ and not letting my thoughts/emotions loose, but keeping them god-honoring. This is obviously my own personal experience, everyone’s gonna have different experiences/opinions here, but not all girls live in a movie where couples are constantly being formed and unrequited love is a perpetual plot point. 😀

    2. Temptation to share too much
    I’m a very private person. I have trouble opening up on deep/personal/intimate feelings with my girl friends – my guy friends are pretty safe from these!! So not all girls are tempted here. I don’t like (and typically avoid) pouring my guts out to people.

    3. It can’t be maintained long term
    Yeah, but this is true not just because long-term friendships with married guys are inappropriate. I know with my own brother, when he gets married, our friendship will not be as close anymore. He’ll simply have different priorities – and that’s a very good thing! Also, I know you’re talking about super close guy friendships here, but the way I see it – as a married woman, I will still have friends/know people who are guys after marriage. I should have guy friends before and after marriage or else I won’t know how to relate to a man who isn’t my husband (you know those girls who only know how to flirt with guys, and not be real with them? Yeah. I don’t wanna be one of those.) Plus, we are to treat men as our brothers in Christ, not just exclude them for purity risks. Loving the bride of Christ means loving everyone in it. YES, be wise about boundaries and closeness and how much you share. But be friendly to the guys in your life! Male friendships can be a blessing too!

    Don’t get me wrong, I love my girl friends. I just love my guy friends too. I don’t hang out one-on-one with them, I don’t share my deepest darkest secrets with them, but I love them. I also think hanging out in groups and having those kinds of heartfelt conversations in group settings are super awesome. People don’t get as personal – because it’s a group – but they still can share and learn from each other in a less risky setting.

    So I’d say – definitely don’t give up on girl friendships because they’re hard. But don’t give up on your guy friendships because they’re hard either (boundaries, awkwardness, etc.) We are Christian women who should strive for a maturity that can handle all kinds of friendships, regardless of gender.

  6. Rachel Taylor says:

    I went for many years without having any close friends at all, girl or guy. Just at the right time, God brought a girl into my life whom I have grown really close to. We have been blessed with a true biblical friendship. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t easy. There were tears from unintended hurts but we both fought for our friendship and have both gained the fruit. Strong girl friendships are so worth it!

  7. Madi says:

    They’re not different creatures feom another planet wow. I have a close guy friend and we’re platonically married. We support each other, cry together, and hang out together. My boyfriend is secure in our relationship,he feels no ill will or perceives any threats from him.He also has a girlfriend who understands our friendship. We all hang out together and are close as well. Taking a step back and assessing feelings towarda any friend is normal. We have a mutual understanding and because we’ve spent years together we have seen our driendship blossom. Guy friends are awesome, girl friends are awesome. We all can be friends without complications.

  8. Kaitlin Masters says:

    Yah I really understand this a lot. I have had a lot of friends who just wanted to hang out with guys and thats all they ever talked to and spend time with, bearly even talking to us girls. I tried to let her know why this isn’t the best idea, but I couldn’t explain it well, and she just didn’t get this. So thank you for taking time to make this so I can look back on this and show her these things.

  9. Julius the people pleaser says:

    Anyone here can easily forget that the devils kill, rob and destroy just like the Prince of Darkness does. That includes ending friendships to take those relationships away from those who had friends.

  10. Deborah Huh says:

    What are some of the long-term pros and cons of having mostly deep guy friendships?
    Guys can be different from your normal friends. Guys get along with girls better sometimes than other girls.
    What are the pros and cons of having deep girl friendships?
    Girls can relate to you more because you are the same gender and have many similar interests.
    Girls can compare and get jealous of each other. Some girls may not get along with you and may turn out to be enemies.

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