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Why I Chose to Save Sex for Marriage

By: Kristen Clark

If there’s one thing that will quickly raises eyebrows of curiosity, it’s when I tell people that my husband and I were both virgins on our wedding day. As normal as that seemed to me back when I got married, I’m becoming more aware of how radically counter-cultural this is in today’s society.

When people hear that I intentionally and purposely chose to save sex for marriage, their next question is almost always, “why?”

Why would I put myself through that? Why would I force myself to wait on something that is so amazing? Why would I deny myself the fun and pleasure that so many other single girls are engaging in?  

Great questions.

When it comes to us, as Christian girls, the why behind our decisions is everything.

Why we choose to do something says everything about what we believe. And since we believe in God and His Word, our why must be informed by what God’s says (not by how we feel or by what’s popular).

When God’s Word truly becomes the greatest authority in our lives, all of our decisions and actions will be directed by His truth. And rather than just following a bunch of rules, we’ll come to understand why God values certain things, and why it’s much more fulfilling to obey and honor Him.

I want to share with you 4 reasons behind why I chose to save sex for marriage.

1. Because God is Good.

My personal convictions about sex actually began with some foundational theology. In a society that has thrown off all boundaries for sex, it’s easy to view sex as a personal right and freedom to do whatever we want. No rules. No limits. God is portrayed as a big gray haired man in the sky waving His finger at anything fun.

But this is not the case.

We serve a good God. He loves us. He cares for us. He wants to have a relationship with us. He wants us to experience fulfillment and joy.

Our understanding of God will affect our view of sex. That’s why we must make sure our understanding of God is correct. And this starts by embracing the truth that God is good.

Psalm 119:68a says, “You are good and do good.” And Psalm 34:8 says, “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good.”

We serve a good God who can be trusted. His ways are better than our ways. His wisdom is better than our thoughts.

2. My Purpose is to Glorify God.

I saw a sign recently that said, “Do what makes you happy.” The message is clear. If it makes you happy (even in the moment), then go for it! Personal pleasure and happiness is the driving motivation for so many people today.

But as a Christian, my purpose in life must be motivated by something much bigger than personal happiness.

2 Corinthians 6:20 says, “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

As God’s child, my greatest purpose in life is to live for the glory of my Father. My goal in life is to love, honor, and glorify God. This goal and purpose affects everything I do and every decision I make. And since sex outside of marriage isn’t honoring to God, I must choose to obey God in this area.

3. God is the Creator of Sexual Intimacy.

Despite all of the chick-flicks, romance novels, and songs — God is actually the true creator of love, passion, pleasure and sex. God is pro sex! This truth should radically change our perspective.

For me, instead of looking to the culture for answers about sex, I look to the designer of sex Himself. In order to get the most enjoyment out of God’s good gift, I need to do things according to His plan.

Throughout the Bible, it’s clear that sexual intimacy was created by God as a gift for married couples only (Genesis 2:24). In order to enjoy sexual intimacy to the fullest (without baggage and strings attached), we must be intentional to save this gift for the right season.

Hebrews 13:4a says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled.”  

We must learn to treasure and value this gift for how God intended it to be used. We must trust that God’s ways are better than Hollywood’s (and trust me – they are).

4. Obeying God’s Word Leads to Greater Joy.

I’ve been married to Zack for almost 6 years now, and you know what — choosing to obey God’s plan for sex has proved to be undoubtedly worth it. Over and over again we experience the joys of doing things God’s way.

Living according to God’s Word isn’t restricting and binding, but freeing and fulfilling. John 8:32 says, And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

True freedom is found in the Truth. Everything else is a counterfeit version stealing our joy away from God’s best. Obeying God’s Word is extremely rewarding because we get to experience things the way God actually intended to them to be experienced.

And when it comes to sex, there’s no better way to enjoy this gift to the fullest than inside God’s beautiful plan.

When it comes to saving sex for marriage sex, you must begin with the why.

And our whys must be built on a love for our God and desire to honor Him with our lives.

Saving sex for marriage isn’t simply a rule to abide by, but just one of the ways we can glorify and honor God with our lives.

If you’re interested in reading more on this topic, I wrote some other posts about the benefits of saving sex for marriage, and why God’s plan for sex is better than Hollywood’s, and why premarital sex isn’t a true expression of love.

I can’t encourage you enough to make sure your why is rooted in desire to love and honor God. His ways are better than our ways. That’s the bottom line. We must simply choose to trust Him.

And for those of you who have struggled to honor God in your past, God wants to bring healing and restoration to your future. Please take a few minutes to read my other posts called: Lost Virginity: Practical Help to Reclaim Your Future

I’d love to hear from you in the comment section below!

  • Which of the four reasons from above stood out to you the most, and why?
  • Where do you find it hardest to trust God’s plan for sexual intimacy?

PS: To learn more about God’s amazing design for sex, purity, and holiness — I hope you’ll come join me this summer at the Radical Purity Conference in San Antonio, TX on July 14th and 15th! Tickets are on sale now. 

Kristen Clark with Zack Clark

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15 Responses to Why I Chose to Save Sex for Marriage

  1. Chelsea Ejimakor says:

    Hi !Good Morning. My name is Chelsea Ejimakor. I love you guys so much and how you inspire women like me. Thanks a lot. I am so happy to be a part of this. Words alone can not explain the kind of joy inside me for discovering you guys

  2. Chelsea Ejimakor says:

    I want to ask a very important question. Is it advisable to let people especially your friends or guy friends or boyfriend to know that you are still a Virgin? I am asking this question because some men will marry a woman because she is a Virgin or even rape her if he founds out she is a virgin.

    • SedaJane says:

      I think you need to start with being safe. It’s nobody’s business but your own – and your special guy, when the relationship reaches that stage. Use your best judgment and stay safe. If someone asks, I think it’s okay to say, “That’s none of your business.” Just IMO.

  3. Anne Schweda says:

    Good post, well written. I always read the posts as soon as possible when I see the infomation-mail. 😉

  4. Chelsea Ejimakor says:

    Good Morning Kristen.Glorifying God and Obeying him is most important to me and I have never doubted God’s plan for sexual intimacy.

  5. Thank you Kristen!

  6. Lexi says:

    I absolutely love this! I’m very lucky because my boyfriend is also very adamant about premarital purity. We can both push each other to strive for God’s Truth and help keep each other on track. Thank y’all for all of your courage in speaking out for God’s Word!

  7. Brittany says:

    Purity is safe, smart, and submitting to God’s will.

  8. MarihelenG says:

    love love love love this is so moving and soooo true!!

  9. Ashleigh says:

    Ps. Kristen, your bible verse has a typo!! It’s 1 Corithians 6:20! Thank you for this blog post, it inspires us teenagers! 🙂

  10. K_Hansen17 says:

    This is the first article I’ve read, what I found awesome, is that these principles are exactly( or almost) the same as in Islam! (I’m Muslim.)

    • Corrah says:

      Often I find that there are many basic moral codes that line up in society, and in different religions – because the main moral code is formed with a basis on God’s instructions.
      Enjoy exploring your way around GirlDefined – there is so much to learn about what God says, versus the word’s of society. I’ll be praying for you.

  11. Corrah says:

    If you have any questions about anything Christianity related feel free to email me at [email protected]; have a chat to Kristen or Bethany; or chat to anyone else on here. We’d be happy to talk to you.

  12. Corrah says:

    Or even if you have questions about anything at all – feel free to talk to us – we’re (or at least I know I am) overenthusiastic and happy to help!

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