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Why I’m Still Saving My First Kiss for My Future Husband

By: Bethany Baird

The moment I announced my relationship with David the questions started flooding my inbox. Specifically questions about our physical boundaries.

Will we hold hands? Do use a chaperone? Do we hug? Do we do stuff alone? What about being alone at night? In a house? Etc etc.

I totally get it. I would be asking the exact same questions.

In fact, I’ve asked other newly dating or courting couples those very same questions. I want to know what a healthy, God-honoring, Christ-centered relationship is supposed to look like. I want to know if there is a correct way to go about physical boundaries.

Although the Bible does not give us a black and white boundaries list for dating/courting (I wish it did though!!), it does give us a few pieces of wisdom to guide us along the way.

We know that sex outside of marriage is sin. We need to obey God by waiting to have sex until marriage.

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous” (Hebrews 13:4).

We also know that we should have *not even a hint* of sexual immorality among us.

“But among you, there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed because these are improper for God’s holy people” (Ephesians 5:3).  

Lastly, we know that there is victory in an abundance of wise counselors.

Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in abundance of counselors, there is victory (Proverbs 11:14).

Those are things that we, as Christian women, can hold onto as we each strive to honor God in our romantic relationships. David and I are holding onto to those truths and seeking to use them as a compass to guide us towards purity.

Even so, there are still gray areas that many of us have questions about.  

The question that I’ve been asked the most since announcing my relationship with David, has to do with kissing.

Will you kiss now that you have a boyfriend?

I realize that I’ve been very vocal in the past about my decision to save my first kiss for my wedding. You can read my original article, “Should Christian Girls Kiss Before Marriage?”

Interestingly enough, it seems that some think my change of circumstances (getting a bf) may mean a change of conviction for me. You wonder, Maybe Bethany will start kissing now that she actually has someone to kiss.

Totally valid thoughts and I am glad you all are asking me this question.

Let me just clarify my thoughts on kissing.

I think kissing is awesome (at least I’ve heard that it is). I can’t wait to kiss my future husband. Trust me, I’m excited about that day. I look forward to enjoying the wonderful aspects of physical intimacy and touch within marriage. God’s design for men and women is amazing and I’m excited about it.

For now, I’m not married.

I know that sex is not God’s best for me right now. I know that sexual immorality of any kind (even a hint) is not God’s best for me. I know that purity and holiness are God’s best for me. I know that physical intimacy is designed for marriage and I want to do my best to honor my future husband, honor God and my body (as a temple of the Holy Spirit) by waiting to enjoy that special gift until marriage. With that said, there are still gray areas.

Kissing happens to fall into that gray area.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say “Thou Shalt Not Kiss!” Because of the lack of specifics, we are left to seek biblical principles and wisdom along the relationship journey.

Each and every one of will have to come up with specific standards and convictions when it comes to the gray areas. You will have to seek wisdom, study God’s word, pray and discuss with your boyfriend/fiance what standards and boundaries you will put in place.

For David and I, we’ve had to (and continue to) pray and seek the Lord on what boundaries are most helpful for our relationship. If our goal is to honor God by walking in purity, we want to do whatever it takes to get there. Even if it’s hard.

Choosing not to kiss each other is just one boundary we’ve chosen to put in place.

The two of us have committed to saving each of our first kisses for marriage. Whether that ends up being to each other or to someone else. We want to save that for the future. We both agree that for us (remember this is our conviction in this gray area) kissing would not be helpful in keeping our heads clear and grounded as we seek God’s will for our future.

Soooo yes! I am still saving my first kiss for my wedding day.

David coming into my life has not changed that. Convictions are of little value if they change when life gets hard. We need to stand strong on our convictions even when our circumstances change. Even when emotions are high. Even when we REALLY want it. We must stand firm.

I would encourage you to take some time to think through physical boundaries in a relationship.

If the goal is to keep the marriage bed pure, have not even a hint of sexual immorality, and seek outside wisdom, how can you begin to do that now?

Purity doesn’t start when you get into a relationship, purity starts right now.

Begin reading, researching, and studying God’s heart and design for your sexuality. Begin building countercultural convictions that line up with God’s amazing design for physical intimacy within marriage.

To learn more about God’s beautiful design for purity, I hope you’ll join me on March 24th for our LIVE online event called, Guys and Romance: Navigating Your Love Life in a God Honoring Way. 

In the meantime though, here are a few blogs/books I highly recommend checking out:

Twenty Nine Years Old and Never Been Kissed

Practical Tips for Embracing Purity in a Romantic Relationship

5 Verses on Purity That Every Girl Needs to Know

How Setting Up Boundaries Saved My Virginity

How to Go From Singleness to Marriage in a God-Honoring Way

Lost Virginity: Practical Help to Reclaim Your Future

Sex and the Single Girl

Bethany looking out

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  • Shanae B

    Thanks for sharing your heart on this subject Bethany!I know it isn’t an easy one since it is kind of a gray area. It’s definitely encouraging for me and others to think and pray about setting up boundaries in this now before a relationship (even if we’re always single), because purity is of such importantance to God!

  • Gabriela

    I respect your views on kissing before marriage, and I think it’s great that you honor God in such a way. Yet I have to ask, since you repeatedly pointed out that the marriage bed should not be with *even a hint* of sexual immorality, if you believe that kissing before marriage -even kissing your fiancé- should be considered sexually immoral.
    I personally don’t think it is, and I believe that kissing must be reserved for a special person at a special time, but because it’s meaningful, not sinful to do outside of wedlock.
    Anyway, those are my thougths, but I would like to hear yours, especifically on why would kissing be under the category of sexually immoral

    Thanks again for raising your voice in a controversial topic and presenting your views lovingly and respectfully

    Love,
    Gabriela

    • Shanae B

      Kissing out of wedlock isn’t a sexual sin, however it can become a step towards it. If you become on any level physically comfortable with a guy you’re likely to become more physically comfortable with him over time. If you’re not married to him (and never do) where does it end? With certain things once you pass a point you can’t go back. Bethany is talking about her personal situation and promoting that we as godly women should thoughtfully and prayerfully set boundaries for ourselves in this area and stick to them when we are in relationships so we honor God and don’t have too many regrets when and if we do marry!

  • Leah

    Yeah, I’ve kissed guys before, and I’m not married. I feel totally stupid for doing it, and I want to save my next kiss for marriage.

  • Lilian Pereira

    I am so happy for you Bethany! May God lead you and give you grace to continue faithful to him and your convictions!
    Lots of hugs from Brazil!
    – Lilian

  • Chelsea Ejimakor

    I am also saving my first kiss for my future husband. It’s good to know some women are with me on this. Thanks Bethany for guiding our young girls.

  • Mrs. Doc Watson

    Great thoughts. Even though I have been married to the same great guy for 47 years and am not dealing with some of the issues in your blog, your advice is always great. I still needed to be reminded of what you said about convictions being of little value if they change when life gets hard, and that we need to ‘… stand strong on our convictions even when our circumstances change.” Not all temptations to abandon our convictions deal with sexual relationships. Thanks for this!

  • Erika

    My friend always talks about her first kiss with her boyfriend in some romantic place, but I also want to (try to!) save my first kiss for my husband on my wedding day!

  • Congratulations!

  • Rachel Carpenter

    Thank you for this article, Bethany. Honestly, your original post on this topic I felt came off as a bit judgemental, sounding as though you thought it wrong for anybody to kiss before marriage. I personally have resolved to save my first kiss for my wedding day, but I don’t think it is wrong for others to decide differently. However, this post seemed to be built on personal conviction rather than misguided morality. Keep it up, girl!

  • Richard Rosario

    christianity is mythology.

    • Red

      somebody needs attention 🙁

  • Mandy

    I seriously haven’t thought about that! I’m in a relationship but I had kissed before I met my boyfriend. I don’t know any people around me that saved their first kiss. My first reaction is that it is a beautiful thing to do, but it also feels a bit unnecessary. Intimacy is part of my relationship, but I can understand how kissing could lead to more. But when does it stop? Should you not cuddle? Should you not hold hands? Is there supposed to be a meter between the two of us? Of course I don’t kiss everyone and my boyfriend really appreciates me not have kissed a lot of people. I really try to honour God in my relationship and is nice to see you do the same in your own way! I’m curious about the reactions from the people surrounding you.
    Love Mandy

  • Nola

    You have got to be kidding me. Something can be romantic without being sexual.


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