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Why You Should Love a Guy’s Heart More than His Hairdo

By: Kristen Clark

I couldn’t stop looking at him. He was one of my favorite early crushes. This guy was one of my brother’s basketball teammates and I just loved watching him run up and down the court.

At 12 years old I was enthralled with him. He put little sparkles in his gel so his hair slightly shimmered as he played basketball. Oh! I thought I was in love! I even secretly gave him the endearing nickname “sparkly.”

There was only one problem. “Sparkly” and I had never talked. In fact, I don’t even think he knew I existed. I adored his shimmering hairdo, but had no idea who he really was. All of my affections for this guy were solely based on his physical appearance.

As the years went on and I entered high school, my attraction for guys followed the same pattern.

I was more interested in guys who were “hot” and good looking, than guys who were less attractive, but had greater character.

As I entered late high school I started realizing how terrible my gauge was for judging a guy. I started realizing that I was more interested in a guy’s hairdo than I was in the condition of his heart. I would have willingly ditched a “less attractive” godly guy for a hot rod that had mediocre character.

Not smart.

My eyes were opened to the fact that physical attraction isn’t the most important factor when it comes to true love.

Yes, attraction is important, but it shouldn’t be THE initial reason to accept or ditch a guy.

As I entered my early twenties, God had to teach me some hard truths about the reality of my own heart and motives in the way I viewed certain guys.

I had to entirely rethink how I viewed the word “attraction.” I remember one specific conversation I had with Bethany about the topic of attraction prior to my new understanding. It went something like this:

“She’s way too pretty for him!” I said laughing out loud.

Bethany and I were having a conversation with some of our friends about a girl who was getting married. She was a beautiful girl and was engaged to a godly man who absolutely adored her. He desired to lead her, protect her, and give her the best life he possibly could.

Sadly, we were all having a really hard time accepting the fact that our friend was getting married to this great guy. Why? Well…we all thought that she was way too “pretty” for him.

“I just didn’t think she’d marry someone so unattractive,” one of our friends chimed in.

Sure, he wasn’t the most popular guy around and he definitely wasn’t the dream boat all the girls were talking about; but he was a godly man who genuinely loved the Lord.

He had a servant’s heart and would make the woman he married feel like a queen.

We weren’t excited about this beautiful marriage simply because we didn’t think this guy was handsome enough. We cared more about his “lack of hairdo” (if you will) than his amazing, godly character.

True story. Unfortunately.

Thankfully, they did get married and still have a thriving marriage (and several children) to this day! I’m so glad they didn’t listen to us back then.

The truth is, most of us think like this whether we want to admit it or not. This used to be a huge struggle of mine and I’m guessing it’s yours too. On the outside I would say, “it’s about the heart,” but every time I would meet a “less attractive” guy, I would instantly make judgements.

Thankfully, God opened my eyes to how wrong my thinking was.

Overtime, I slowly began changing my view of guys from an “outward” focus to an “inward” focus.

When we, as girls, solely base our attraction on a guy’s outward appearance, we are looking for a relationship that will only bring short term infatuation.

Infatuation isn’t true love. It’s simply this: to be inspired with an intense but short-lived passion or admiration.

Hollywood’s messages are all about finding an attractive person who turns you on. It’s all about you.

As Christian girls, we need to turn back to God’s Word to see how He judges people and how he defines true love.

1 Samuel 16:7b says, “For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.”

1 Corinthians 13 (the love chapter) explains what true love is really all about. If you hope to get married someday, you’ll be much better off in the long run with a guy who understands true love and displays those qualities in his life. Patience, kindness, tenderness, and self control will create a much firmer marriage than a hot hairdo.

The reality is, a six pack and full head of hair will fade with time, but a man who understands true love will only grow to be more lovely.

That is the type of guy you should desire to marry. That is the type of guy that every single Christian girl should be praying for.

Now I want to hear from you?

  • If you had to be totally honest, are you currently more interested in guys who are extremely good looking, or guys who have godly character? Why?
  • What kind of qualities are you looking for in a future husband?

Photo Credit: Here 

Guy with curly hair

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  • Mikayla

    This post is a tear-jerker, Kristen! Thanks for posting!

  • Elizabeth

    Thanks for this great post Kristen!

  • Eliza Haley

    Love this! So true. Thank you for your wonderful posts. 🙂

  • Ashley

    what if you like a guy, and he has an amazing Godly character, and he is extremely attractive?

    • I don’t think they are saying that you shouldn’t like a guy who’s handsome but rather you shouldn’t like a guy JUST because he’s handsome.

  • Rebekah Teravskis

    Great post!

  • When I was younger I most certainly liked a few guys because of looks, but they weren’t guys I knew or would ever know. They were actors and I thought they were very handsome. lol In a husband I’m looking for a guy who puts Christ first, a guy who is selfless, a guy who really cares about my feelings and will protect me, who can lead me and our family, I’d like him to be funny.. Really I want him to be my hero. He won’t be perfect, but I’m not perfect so I think we’d be a good match.

  • Breanne

    I’ve been trying to explain this to my friends forever! Now I can just send them this link 😀 Thanks Kristen and Bethany

  • Lauren

    Loved this post!

  • Haylie

    What a thought provoking post. I loved it. Thanks, Kristen. 🙂

  • Thanks for this post, so true and such a great reminder 😉

  • Rebekah

    Love this! But this goes for guys too. Today, I don’t think I know one guy, even Christian ones, who search for inner beauty than outer.

  • Kate

    Love this! Thank you. I find that the cutest guys ever (In my book) are just big flirts and don’t really respect you as a girl. I like the guys that are understanding, make you smile when you are down and respect you for who you are. They might not be that attractive, but on the inside is what matters most.

    • Celestria

      I find that it’s that way too with cute guys. The problem with most of them is that they know they’re good-looking and the girls like them and so it’s makes them flirty and arrogant and sometimes just kind of a jerk. Even among Christian guys you meet in church.

  • Celestria

    I’ll admit it’s the amazingly handsome guys that always grab my attention right away, but I know that’s not what’s important and what I should be focusing on.

    I’ve had a couple experiences where I was majorly crushing on a guy based solely on his good looks, but both of them just flirted with all the girls and we’re cocky. Looking back I can see and remember things that they did or said or the way they interacted with others that is totally unattractive to me nOw and just wasn’t very Christ-like.

  • Lauren

    I love this post! I fall into the category of girls who find themselves looking at guys for their looks… I’m working on looking deeper than just physical attractions!

  • vwlover

    I’ve definitely been guilty of this and I’ve God to renew my mind concerning this area and how I view myself.

  • Pingback: 10 Questions to Ask Before Falling Head-Over-Heels for Him (FREE GIVEAWAY)()

  • MarihelenG

    Just the other day I was talking to my friends mother. She said that when she met her husband for the first time, her friends were making fun of him. As high school students in the eighties, she said looks were all important. “But he was different. I didn’t care about his teeth that weren’t perfect. I didn’t care about his non-existant muscles, or the fact that his hair was quite shaggy. I loved his heart, the way he would open any door for a lady, valued God’s plan, honored his parents, and most of all that he wasn’t chasing girls.” Now they’ve been married for 33 years and have 8 happy children. Looks shouldn’t even be a player in Godly love.


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