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Why Premarital Seduction Always Backfires

By: Kristen Clark

She was a missionary’s daughter. He was a missionary’s son. They noticed each other for the first time while serving on the mission field with their families in a remote village.

They were both raised in families that loved the gospel. They were both raised in families that loved marriage.

As the months stretched on, the missionary’s son decided to pursue this pretty brown-eyed girl.

Things took off and both families were excited about the possibility of joining together in marriage. The relationship looked picture perfect from the outside. This couple appeared to be honoring God in their interactions with one another.

They appeared to be pure and holy in every way.

However, behind closed doors things weren’t so rosy.

As the beautiful missionary’s daughter grew fonder of this handsome young guy, she began craving his attention and affection like never before. She was no longer content with their minimal amounts of physical interaction.

She wanted more.

She wanted all of his attention and affirmation. He became her idol.

Without anyone knowing, she quietly and sneakily began to seduce him.

She quietly encouraged him to show her more physical affection. She sat by him a little closer. She wore outfits that displayed just a “little” more skin. She manipulated situations to get them alone. She flirted and teased him with a seductive tone.

She selfishly chased after his affection, regardless of the cost.

One thing led to the next, and eventually this missionary’s daughter seduced him to sleep with her.

She craved his attention and affection so much, that she was willing to sin to get what she wanted. She was willing to sacrifice her purity and virginity at the altar of her new idol.

Fast forward in time.

Now, 25 years later this same wife, and now mom, shares this story with tears streaming down her face. She and the missionary boy did eventually get married, but their rocky and impure start proved to be very damaging.

“I had no idea how devastating pre-marital seduction would be on my future marriage,” she shared. “I just assumed that getting married would solve everything. I assumed that if I married him, our premarital intimacy wouldn’t be a big deal.”

Now, 25 years later, this wife shares why her choice to seduce her husband before marriage totally backfired on her.

“Shortly after we were married, the physical and sexual ‘buz’ wore off. I thought intimacy in marriage would solve all of my insecurities. It didn’t. In fact, since I had made the choice to be so aggressively seductive before marriage, my husband learned to let me be the pursuer. My aggression and pre-marital seduction trained him to be an extremely passive man.”

She continued sharing, “Something else happened that totally caught me off guard, too. I began to completely distrust my husband and secretly worried that he would run off with another woman. Since he was willing to fold under my seductive pressure before marriage, that meant he was just as capable of folding under another woman’s seductive pressure after marriage! I had unknowingly trained him to cave under the pressure of a passionately forceful woman.”

This wife continued sharing her story as tears welled up in her eyes. 

The reason she decided to share her story was to sound the alarm to every single girl out there.

As females, God has given us desires for physical intimacy and natural tendencies toward seduction. We are natural seducers. It’s in our God-given design. In fact, studies have shown that the female is often the one who initiates physical contact first.

Girls, you have been given an amazing gift by God. You can either use your gift of beauty and seduction to selfishly lure in and seduce the guys around you (through your actions, words, clothes, etc.), or you can choose to save this amazing gift for your future marriage.

The missionary’s daughter chose to seduce her man before marriage and it totally backfired on her.

She got what she wanted in the moment, but it caused a lot of long-term damage in her marriage. And now, 25 years later, she still shares her story with tears of regret and sadness.

Whether you’re in a relationship or not, choose now to honor God with your actions. Choose to cultivate a heart of selflessness, purity, and Christ-like love towards your brothers-in-Christ (1 Corinthians 13). Don’t allow your desires for male attention and affirmation to result in pre-marital seduction.

Sin may seem sweet at first, but it always reaps a multitude of consequences.

As a female, you will most likely have a tendency towards seduction in your romantic relationship. How you choose to control that desire will either bless or hurt your future marriage. It will either push your boyfriend towards Christ or away from Him.

And if you’re the girl who is currently in a relationship and actively seducing your man with your words, actions, body language, clothing, etc., may this post be a red flag warning for you. I pray you will choose to repent of your actions, and instead honor God through your pure and holy conduct (Psalm 51:10).

It’s never too late to start over.

I chose to write on this topic because I know this is a real struggle for many of you. It was for me as a single girl, and I know it is for some of you right now. There’s a lot more I want to say, but don’t have the room here. So…let’s keep this conversation going down below.

Let me know your answers to the following questions:

  • In what ways are you tempted to be seductive toward the guys around you?
  • What negative affects have you seen as a result of pre-marital seduction?

Photo Credit: Here 

Guys and girl

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  • Breanne

    Wow, I never thought about this before. I mean, I knew that I should be pure and all that stuff, but I never thought of a reason why. This really showed me at least one if not two reasons of why it’s important to be pure. Thank you for such a great post!

    • Christina

      Breanne you should read “Arms of Love” By Carmen Marcoux!!!!!! 🙂 It is another great example!!!!! 🙂

  • Another great, yet heartbreaking post. Like Breanne said, I’d never thought of this before. Thanks so much for sharing this with us!

  • Fritz Vanburgson

    You can’t “train” an adult man to be passive. That’s infantilizing. He was already passive and all you did was enable his passivity. This article takes all of the burden and places it on the woman, and not the man who has an equal part in the relationship. There is nothing wrong with being sexual aggressive (or sexually passive) in the bedroom. What matters is chemistry and that’s what this sounds like it is missing. He simply isn’t interested not because she *is* interested, but because that’s just who he is. Sexual buzz wearing off is common in all relationships and there needs to be an open conversation about what it takes to get each other excited in the bedroom. The root of this problem isn’t that the man was “Seduced too early”. He could have been “Seduced” after marriage, but the result would have been the same and the buzz would have worn off regardless.

  • Lauren Purser

    Very good post. I find it a difficult line to walk-you want to show pure affection and interest, but you don’t want to tempt him and follow a path towards sin. It is a fine line, but it comes down to the heart. If your heart is in a place to follow Jesus, to love His sons, and to walk in purity, then I don’t think it will be as much of a struggle. Prayer and time in the Word are both key to walking up rightly. I think of this verse: “No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” (psalm 84:11)

  • Candi C

    Thank you for sharing this. I see how important it is to avoid any improper physical affection I maybe tempted to do whether in the dating or relationship phase. Especially like me, im a very touch person. I just like to show affection and receive affection because that is my love language. But I am so encouraged to draw my physical and emotional boundaries as a way to guard my heart and honor God. This blog is awesome!

  • Rebeka

    How about when you are engaged? Is it okay to flirtingly talk (over the phone) about how sexy you will be once you are married?

  • Randomhero

    <3

  • Gabrielle

    WOW!!

  • Laci R.

    This was awesome!! Thanks for the post!

  • Leslie Lorena Vargas

    Thanks for the post! I hadn’t seen how important is that topic, it’s better to avoid situations that could involve damaging our pure ….

  • Leslie Lorena Vargas

    Blessings from Lima, Peru!!


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