Why Safe-Sex Isn’t God’s Best for Your Relationship
Someone wrote an email to me recently and said, “The fact is, giving an abstinence-only sex education is not going to make things any safer. I believe there’s no harm in educating teenagers about safe sex.”
This type of thinking is really popular today. There’s a huge push in our culture to indoctrinate teens with a “safer sex” education program. If you attend public school or watch any TV, you’ve probably been exposed to it. It goes something like this: “Teens are going to do it anyway, so we might as well teach them how to do it responsibly.”
The mindset of our culture is that teens are so irresponsible, immature, and wild, we can’t possibly teach them to save sex for marriage. So, we’ll just teach them how to avoid the consequences of premarital sex (i.e. pregnancy, STD’s, emotional damage, etc.).
Sadly, this type of thinking reflects our society’s loss of the sacredness and beauty of sexual intimacy.
We no longer value sex as God values it. We no longer cherish the sacred intimacy of the marriage bed (Hebrews 13:4). We no longer esteem purity and faithfulness.
In a culture where sex is constantly being devalued, we as Christian women must look to God’s Word for our guidance. God created sexual intimacy for marriage alone (Genesis 2:24, 1 Corinthians 7:2-5). We must accept God’s truth as His best for our lives. We must trust that God’s plan and boundaries for sex are for our own good.
Premarital “safe sex” isn’t God’s best for us. In fact, it pales in comparison to the beauty of God-defined sexual intimacy within a committed marriage. If you’re still doubtful, here are 3 reasons why safe sex isn’t all that great.
1. Safe Sex Isn’t Actually all that “Safe.”
In doing research for this post, I came across article after article explaining what “safe sex” education is and how to put it into practice. However, at the end of each article, there was always a small disclaimer. Kind of a, “do at your own risk” sort of disclaimer.
One popular website stated, “Just as seat belts cannot guarantee you will not be injured in a car accident, practicing safer sex is also not a 100% guarantee. Some STDs, such as the human papillomavirus (HPV) and herpes, can be spread through skin-to-skin contact.”
The truth is, safe sex isn’t actually all that safe. There are millions of people in America who bought into this lie and now find themselves suffering from terrible sexually transmitted diseases. Check out these shocking statistics:
“In the united states alone, there are 20 million new STD infections each year.”
“There are 110 million STD’s among men and women in the US today.” “50% of new infections are in people ages 15-24.”
Over at LiveScience.com they stated that “Sexually transmitted diseases are one major group of diseases that make for ongoing hidden epidemics [in Amercia].”
Safe? I don’t think so! Those statistics are frightening. And that doesn’t include the large number of unplanned pregnancies that occur each year.
2. Safe Sex Ignores God’s Design.
Every time we, as humans, try to bypass God’s design, we reap the consequences. Sin has consequences. God is our creator and He designed sex. It’s a wonderful and glorious thing in the right context. Outside of God’s context, there are serious repercussions.
Safe sex education completely ignores God’s design for sex.
God never intended for sex to be shared between a boyfriend and girlfriend, a partner, or as a casual encounter. Sex was designed for monogamous marriages, where one husband and one wife become “one flesh” as a seal on their lifelong covenant (Proverbs 5:15-19, Hebrews 13:4).
By God’s grace, my husband Zack and I followed God’s plan for sex by saving it for marriage.
While we were dating, we never had to worry about contracting STD’s, becoming single parents, taking birth control, suffering emotional damage, and more. It was extremely freeing!
And now, 6 years into our marriage, we’re still reaping the benefits of following God’s design. Pursuing purity before marriage has been a strong anchor that draws us even closer today. God’s plan for sex isn’t stifling. It’s truly liberating. It produces the best possible long-term results for vibrant relationships.
3. Safe Sex Prefers Feelings Rather than Truth.
We live in a culture where the new religion is our “feelings.” We’re told through secular songs, magazines, movies, and blogs that our feelings reign supreme. If it feels right for you, do it. If it makes you happy, go for it! Follow your heart wherever it leads you.
This is the attitude that underlines safe sex education. If you feel like having sex with your boyfriend, go for it! But just be safe. As females, this message is undoubtedly damaging to us since we tend to be driven by our emotions more than guys. How often have our feelings deceived us? How often have we acted on our emotions, only to regret it an hour later?
When it comes to something as intimate as sex, we should never allow our feelings to drive the train.
Instead, we need to be vigilant to speak truth to our hearts and redirect our emotions toward what’s true and right.
While I was engaged to Zack, I had strong feelings and desires for sex. Who doesn’t?! This is natural. This is how God designed it. However, I didn’t allow my strong feelings to be my compass. Obeying God and trusting in His plan was my driving force. And that meant waiting. That meant going against my “feelings.” And I’m so glad I did.
You can do the same. Choose to base your life on God’s truth, and your feelings will eventually catch up. Choose to honor God’s plan for sex no matter what your feelings tell you.
Regardless of how popular premarital sex is today, it will never produce the type of committed, intimately satisfying, trusted, long-term love that we long for.
It can’t because it’s the opposite of how created us to function best.
To learn about God’s amazing design for true love and romance, I hope you’ll join us for our live online event on March 24, 2018, called “Guys and Romance: Navigating Your Love Life in a God-Honoring Way.”
I would love to hear your thoughts and comments on this topic below!
- What problems have you seen arise from single people embracing a “safe sex” mentality?
- Why do you think God designed sex for marriage only?
I can’t say thank you enough times for posting this article!!!! Part of the reason I’m still single at 29 is because I’m waiting for marriage. Even though I’m single I’m reaping benefits of this choice! I’ve never had to worry about std’s, Emotional damage from giving myself away, being a parent or pregnant single. It’s a popular lie to believe that following your feelings and emotions doesn’t have negative outcomes. I’ve witnessed this in many lives, and thankful I stuck it out with God! 🙂
Hey Shanae! Thanks for your comment! Yes, God’s ways are the best. Keep pursuing Him!
You start out with talking about “safe s*x” and then dive right into statistics for all premarital s*x, safe or not. This is a massive logical fallacy, and is nothing more than a scare tactic. It is also insulting to my intelligence.
The crux of the argument seems to be this part of the article:
“The truth is, safe s*x isn’t actually all that safe. There are millions
of people in America who bought into this lie and now find themselves
suffering from terrible s*xually transmitted diseases”–followed up with lots of scary-sounding numbers and facts about the consequences of…….what is probably mainly unprotected s*x.
The statistics do not say anything about the group in question being people who exclusively engaged in safe s*x, which means that Kristen’s attempt to equate safe s*x with hormonal young people who end up with std’s is just absolute nonsense. I’m getting a headache after reading this article, and I suspect that it’s from massive brain cell die-off.
These aren’t scare tactics. Did you look these statistics up yourself to see how accurate or inaccurate they are? Especially before just shooting off your mouth, which really seems like what you’re doing.
If you’d read what I actually said, you would see that I’m not arguing against the statistics. I’m pointing out that Kristen is doing some pretty serious sleight-of-hand with them. She’s taking numbers that apply to a large group of people (basically just the number of people who have std’s, split into age groups) and talking about them like these are all people who have had “safe s*x”, which is a much smaller group of people. Exaggeration of data that indicates a problem in order to convince an audience=scare tactic. This is a lazy and irresponsible way of using information, but it works because Girldefined has devoted readers who don’t bother to think things through.
What realistic proof do you have of any exaggerations in these statistics? I actually personally looked up some of these statistics and found the information on a few different sites to say the same things. Furthermore the point of this post isn’t statistics, but to exspose lies in the culture on this topic. Don’t assume that all people on here are just blindly believing what Girldefind says without any follow up in checking the information with the Bible and platforms of information.
Honey. I’m not arguing with the statistics. You seem to have problems understanding English. I’m saying that Kristen is taking statistics that apply to a larger group of people and talking about them like they belong to a much smaller group of people, which makes the problem seem much worse. The numbers quoted belong to any person who has contracted an std. This includes people who have used protection or some form of contraception AND people who have not. Kristen uses these numbers to apply to only people who HAVE used protection of contraception or whatever else she takes to mean safe s*x. Lies in the culture? Sure, loads of them, including a lot of what is known as s*x ed. But this post isn’t much better.
I’ll check back later to see if you’ve responded telling me that the statistics are still correct.
You’re the one with the problem. Kristen in no way said this group of people are the only group of people with std’s. This post is about how overtly flawed s*x ed is and how it’s negatively affecting, and not helping today’s young people. You don’t seem to have any decency or understanding at all.
Not the particular kinds of decency or understanding you require, that’s for sure. I have, however, attained basic levels of mathematics and logic.
Yes because basic is so high up there!
I’m interested to hear your views on birth control and safe s*x once in marriage?
If a couple is married, but both agree God isn’t calling them to children at this time, I would expect a form of birth control would be used rather than complete abstinence. Surely then teens or young adults in God honouring relationships would need to be educated for the future in this way? I strongly believe that every child is conceived in God’s timing, but also that He allows us these revelations in technology, science and medicine to use them in the right way to honour Him further.
We use birth control in our marriage. I have been on the pill, we used condoms, and currently have an iud. Seriously, no one wants a Duggar sized family!
I’d love a Duggar sized family!! And you’d be surprised how many other people I’ve met want a big family too! 🙂
I’d love to have a Duggar-sized family! XD
Hello! I have been married for a year and a half and since the beginning I prayed about birth control and what God was calling us to do. At first, I took the pill, but when I learned that there is a chance (although truly small) of abortion, since one of the methods of the pill in stopping birth is – if fertilization happens- is not to allow the zygote to attach itself to the endometrium. For that, I belive it would be sinful and the same reasoning should be used to all others methods and some IUD included. So, I stopped using the pill and we started using natural methods and condom. However, my mind was never truly rested in the matter and the Bible says that sins lie in the doubt. Then, we decided to stop all types of birth control and believe all the promises that God has for us: God is good and God is in control. If He wants you to have a baby, you will and if not, you won’t. He knows the timing better than anyone. Who are we – mere humans – to question and try to control God’s plan! Also. The Bible said children are a blessing. BLESSING. Why would I prevent blessings?
However, this is not set in stone, of course. The Bible is not relative, but it does leave some things not fully explained and there are situations that must be considered. The bottom line is: do you think you are honoring God more by preventing babies? For example, I have a friend who feels truly truly sick during pregnancy, so she decided to postpone her third baby because she knew there would be trouble in caring for her first two small children while sick in bed pregnant.
This is my opinion and I do not cast judgement on anyone who thinks differently. What is important is to honor the Lord and act in love for Him! May God bless us all.
Love, love, love this!
I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on contraception for married couples?
I am so happy that I have read this post today. This is very helpful and beneficial for me especially the fact that I have a boyfriend. Thanks for reminding us girls to always follow God’s design for womanhood and marriage.
Beware! There are some forms of birth control that prevent implantation, but not fertilization. If it prevents fertilization, its proper, but if it prevents implantation that is actually destroying a fertilized egg. So, do your research.
I lost my virginity to the man I am currently engaged to (and he lost his to me). I’ve only ever been intimate with him and we are always “safe” about it, as I am on birth control. I know I should feel guilty because God designed s*x for marriage only. However, my fiancé does not see it as a problem because we are getting married soon anyways. I just feel so lost on the whole topic.
I think the most important thing I can say, would be to pray about it. Often I find that feeling guilty, and feeling like I should feel guilty go hand in hand…
I am not criticising you by any means; but if you do feel somewhat guilty or uncomfortable about it – you can change your mind. Have a chat to your fiance and let him know about your worries.
I would also suggest having a chat to some of the older Godly women in your life – often you will be surprised how many issues they also struggled with.
Corrah
Corrah
Thank you, Kristen! Great post!
oh my god, I was just reading your terrible content for entertainment purposes but now it has gotten sad, and dangerous.
It is a fact that states with a prevalence of abstinence-only education have higher STDs, teen pregnancies, and abortions. That’s more unsafe than the failed safeguards you mentioned. What I find disgusting is that you refer to these things as consequences! It doesn’t matter what your beliefs are or whatever, your main concern should be to prevent diseases and unwanted pregnancies. What is wrong with you. You two are truly horrible people.
the amount of pure ignorance in this post is astounding