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Why Sexting Isn’t God’s Best for Single Women

By: Kristen Clark

“I just don’t know what to do!” she said to me, with a discouraged look on her face. “One of my friends is sending nude pictures to her boyfriend and I feel like I should say something to her. I don’t think it’s a good idea…but I’m just not sure what to say!”

This is a real conversation I had with a teen girl after a Girl Defined church event. She was totally discouraged about her friend’s sexting habits but had no idea what to say to her friend.

As much as I’d like to hide under a bushel and believe that sexting and nude-photo-sharing is rare, it’s not. One statistic revealed that close to 40% of teens engage is sending and/or receiving sexually explicit messages.

And with cell phones becoming more and more common at younger ages, this number is only going to rise.

Sadly, much of pop culture is encouraging sexting as a normal part of single life now. With the boom of erotic content in mainstream media, sending personal erotic messages is becoming the new norm.

In researching for this article, I found articles on Cosmo (which is geared towards young single women) with titles like, “Why Sexting Is Good for You,” and “Scientists: Sexting Is Totally Normal,” and “A Safer Way to Sext.”

Here’s a snippet of the advice that was offered:

“We’ve all heard what techno-alarmists say about sexting: that it’s shameful, deviant, exploitative, and just stupid. But in many ways, it’s a new genre of personalized erotica. Now, everyone is her own author and illustrator with the ability to create provocative, graphic stories for herself and her object of desire.”

With sexting being encouraged like this, it’s no wonder it’s becoming increasingly common and more accepted amongst teens and singles.

Whether you like it or not, you’re being encouraged by pop culture to view sexting as a normal and healthy activity. Here are some of the biggest lies about sexting that I’ve seen out there today.

4 lies society is teaching you about sexting:

  1. Everybody is doing it.
  2. There’s no harm in sexting.
  3. Sexting is healthy in dating relationships.
  4. Erotica is the foundation for a good romance.

Okay, first off – everybody is not doing it. Sure, 40% of teens engage in sexting, but that still leaves 60% who aren’t. When Zack and I were single, we made it through our entire relationship without ever sexting. I know dozens of young dating couples and single Christian girls who intentionally choose not to sext.

Second, there is a lot of harm in sexting. The minute you click the send button, that text or image is in the hands of someone else who can do whatever they want with it. They can show it to whomever they want and even post it online. Without even realizing it, you could be putting yourself in the hands of an online sexual predator. Not to mention the potential blackmail that could haunt you forever.

In addition to that, sexting and erotica are not healthy in dating relationships because it creates a hyper-focus on sex.

Rather than getting to know each other’s personalities, character, beliefs, and interests, the couple is zeroed in on sexual attraction. Relationships that are supercharged with sexual stimulation prematurely don’t usually last long because the relationship is built on nothing more than sex appeal. Once the steam dies down, the relationship dies.

As Christian girls, we need to be intentional about not getting swept up into this new cultural flow. Whether you’ve engaged in sexting or not, I hope this post will help you see past the lies and think Biblically about this activity.

4 Reasons Sexting Isn’t God’s Best for Single Girls:

1. Sex was Created for Marriage.

God is the author and designer of sex, and He created it to be enjoyed by married couples only within a covenant marriage. Sex without marital commitment is almost always self-destructing. Since sexting is definitely a form of sexual activity, it is outside of God’s boundaries for singles.

2. Lust is a Sin.

Sexting is fueled by one thing – lust. Since there’s no possible way to send sexually explicit images and texts in a pure and God-honoring way, this activity should be an obvious “no” for the Christian girl. Rather than giving into our fleshly desires, God says, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18).

3. Nudity Rejects God’s Design for Modesty.

God values modesty and purity and commands us to embrace this in our lives through our actions, attitudes, and clothing (1 Corinthians 6:19-20, 1 Timothy 2:9-10). Sending provocative images of yourself to a boy mocks God’s plan for us to be a reflection of Christ through modesty, humility, and purity.

4. Purity is Still a Priority to God.

Purity is obviously not encouraged in our modern culture anymore, but it is still very relevant to God. As God’s children, we are called to “Be holy because I [Christ] am holy” (1 Peter 1:15-16). Building a deep relationship with God will ignite in us a passion for purity and holiness which will be lived out in our daily lives and activities.

As a Christian girl, it’s only going to get harder and harder to stand for God’s truth in this modern generation. Rather than getting swept away in this cultural flow, I pray you will choose to honor Christ with your life and say no to popular trends like sexting.

I pray you will cultivate a love for Jesus that drives you to live your life for His glory, no matter how counter-cultural it may be.

Let’s chat below.

  • In what ways have you been exposed to sexting and how did you handle it?
  • What other lies would you add to my list from above?
  • What other truths would you add to my list?

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8 Responses to Why Sexting Isn’t God’s Best for Single Women

  1. Back To You says:

    I think another lie is that once you sext, you’ll feel empowered and beautiful, and desired. When, in reality, you only feel shame. You only feel like you’re exposing your body in order to gain the approval or desire of a man that should not need your body to love you in a Godly way.

    The truth is the exact opposite: you will feel loved, empowered, and beautiful, and desired, if you resist the urge to sink to cultural norms and instead cultivate a God-honoring relationship with someone who encourages purity and who is willing to be a leader in that area. Being desired in a Godly way is so much better than the fleeting desires of a more secular, “cultural norm” relationship.

  2. Ainsley says:

    Hey Girl Defined!
    I was wondering if you could help me with a situation I’m in:
    One of my closest friends is in a relationship with this guy. She likes him, but at the same time she doesn’t know if she wants to be with him, yet she’s mad when he’s with other girls– it’s confusing. He is not a Christian, but he’s not against God. And to be honest, he is a really nice guy. My friend desires to marry someone who is a Christian and we’ve had long conversations about her situation. When she’s with me and my other friends, I feel that she agrees that she shouldn’t be in a serious relationship with this guy, but when I’m not with her, she’s going on dates with this guy and texting him a lot. I don’t know what to do because my other friend and I have tried to hint at her that she shouldn’t be in this relationship, but I feel like she doesn’t understand because she is so caught up with this guy. I think she is so mixed up with her feelings that she is just inviting this relationship into her life.
    I would really appreciate your help! Thank you!

    • Bella D. says:

      Hey, Ainsley!

      Wow, that’s a tough situation. The first thing that came to mind as I read your comment was something I read in *And The Bride Wore White* by Dannah Gresh. She had a whole chapter in there about trying to date non-Christians in order to help lead them to the Lord, and gave several examples of how she and her friends tried the theory out and failed over and over again. Most often, the guy isn’t in the relationship to share your faith… he’s in it for your body. If he’s getting what he wants emotionally and physically, what else does he need? So if your friend is trying to help him to become a Christian, she probably won’t succeed and might be in for a lot more heartbreak and pain.

      The other thing that came to mind was the verse in the Bible about going to a brother (or sister) in private and talking to them seriously about their sin. It is one of the most loving things to do, even if it can end up being awkward or even painful. I would suggest that you not drop hints anymore, but go to her and honestly tell her how you feel God wants you to act and how she ought to act as a Christian. If she doesn’t listen, then you’ll know that it is out of your hands and it God’s. He is powerful to save, and if He wants her to come to a knowledge of her sins, then He will bring her to that place.

      I get how nervous you could be in a situation like this where you’re risking loosing a friend or getting your feelings hurt, but in the long run, I’ve noticed that it has helped to build my own character. I’ll definitely be praying for you and your friend!

      Hope that helps some. <3

      • Ainsley says:

        Thank you, Bella, so much for you comment! It definitely gave me a lot to think about. I think speaking the truth out of love in private conversation with her is what I need to do, even though it sounds really scary. But I have to remember how much I care about her and that I don’t want her to end up in serious heartbreak. Thank you for everything! With God’s help, He will give me the boldness and strength to talk to her. <3

  3. Shanae B says:

    I turn 30 next week and have thankfully dodged any involvement in these kind of texts. My sister never returned them but recived such texts when she was younger. It’s terrible that it’s become so epidemic as 40%. It is getting harder to stand up for purity and really is going to get harder. Which makes the stand more important! Thanks for posting on this topic! For future reference As an older woman how would you confront a younger sister in Christ if in any way she’s involved in such texting?

  4. Adriana says:

    When I was exposed to sexting I was about fifteen or sixteen years old and I stopped when I was eighteen and at first it was uncomfortable but I got used to it because my desire was to feel attractive, loved, and valuable. I was wrong to think that because the more I did it the more I felt unworthy, which is something I am still working on today as a twenty-one year old. We don’t have to give our bodies to keep a guy and our worth does not come from how attractive we look, which is so good to hear. True beauty is in the heart and any guy would love that, which I know because I see a lot guys are attracted to females who are pure from the inside and out. We hear this all the time and I know that everyone believes it as well, until you face temptation like I did you would do anything to feel good about yourself. If you want to feel good about yourself, then work on your heart and remind yourself the thoughts of what the Lord thinks of you because what He thinks is wonderful. He loves you unconditionally and always wants you to be with Him. In Jesus you won’t have to struggle with finding satisfaction and worth in this world because only in Him we can find that completely.

  5. Lezzyfeminist says:

    Can I sext my wife if we’re married…… oh wait 😉

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