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Why You’re Looking for Jesus in Your Boyfriend

By: Guest Blogger

I’ve had a crush on a guy (I’ll call “Sean”) for over 3 years. It’s bad.

What’s worse is that we’ve only spoken one time. He picked up my grapes in the college cafeteria when I dropped them. I thanked him. End of story.

Somehow, I still have a hard-core crush on Sean. I stare at him from across the cafeteria at meals. I look up his picture in the college directory when I’m feeling lonely. I imagine us having this amazing relationship that would make you crazy jealous.

But it’s all fake. It’s all in my head.

Sean probably doesn’t even know my name. To him, I’m probably just another face in the crowd.

Sean’s never seemed to notice me—even though I’ve noticed him a lot. He’s never really paid attention to me—even though I’ve paid attention to him often. He’s never taken the time to get to know me—even though I’m more than willing to get to know him.

So why do I keep crushing on him?

Honestly, I keep hoping that someday Sean will notice me. Deep down, I hope there is more to Sean than his athletic build, deep brown eyes, and dreamy smile. I want him to love me.

I realize this might sound crazy. After all, we’ve never even met. However, as a woman, I have a deep desire to be known and cherished.

I long to be noticed, held, and loved deeply.

I expect him to make me happy, to complete me, and to satisfy my heart’s desire. But he never, ever will. Sean could never meet my high expectations.

Even if I officially met Sean tomorrow and he turned out to be an amazing guy, there would still be days when he wasn’t so amazing. He would still give into sin and be less-than-loving toward me. That’s how humans are—even guys who seem perfect.

So who will meet my high expectations? Who will know me and cherish me? Who will notice me, hold me, and love me deeply?

Jesus did—and He does.

He knew me before I realized how much I wanted to be known. He loved me before I ever asked to be loved. He cherished me before I truly longed to be cherished.

Friends, please don’t misunderstand me when I say that Jesus is the only One who can ever fill your empty heart. I’m not saying Jesus is a substitute for your future husband. I believe marriage is a part of His plan for most men and women.

However, I am saying that no guy can (or should) take the place of Jesus in your life. No one could know you more intimately. No one could love you more. No one could satisfy you more than Jesus can.

I keep expecting guys—especially Sean—to surprise me by suddenly loving me more than I could imagine. I admit that I’m living in a fairytale because Sean could never love me like that. As a fallen human, he’s incapable of loving me that much and that perfectly.

Jesus already loves me perfectly. I don’t need a guy to love me perfectly, too.

So why do we expect our crushes and boyfriends to be perfect? Why do we hope that their love for us will whisk us off our feet?

I think we’re trying to fill a void—a void that can only be filled by Jesus. We look for love from guys because we haven’t fully embraced God’s love. We look for acceptance from guys because we haven’t fully comprehended Jesus’ acceptance. We look for perfection from guys because we haven’t fully realized Christ’s perfection.

“Thus says the Lord: ‘The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness; when Israel sought for rest, the Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you” (Isaiah 31:2-3 ESV).

Friends, Jesus is more than enough for us.

No guy can ever measure up to Him. His eternal love and faithfulness toward us demonstrate who He is. You don’t have to look for Jesus in your crush or your boyfriend because you can know Jesus deeply.

-Is there a certain guy in your life who you’ve been crushing on or dating recently? What do you expect from him?

-Have you recognized Jesus’ immeasurable love for you? If not, I hope you’ll dive into His Word to read all the incredible promises He has for you.

GUEST AUTHOR: Grace M. is a college student, a blogger, and a writer. She enjoys spending time with her family, chatting with friends, and eating cookie dough. She writes about the Christian life at Tizzie’s Tidbits.


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25 Responses to Why You’re Looking for Jesus in Your Boyfriend

  1. Abigale Jackson says:

    Thank you so much!! I have been going through the same exact thing!! Crushing big..on a guy who is a Christian, was homeschooled, loves little kids, on Instagram, who I follow. I have had situations where He looked at my story once, and liked my comment, but that was all. I keep dreaming, like you, that mabye oneday, He will notice me. As a junior in highscool and 16, and never ever had a boyfriend or even some guy tell me he likes me, this is just what I needed to hear. I guess I’m expecting Him, to oneday notice me, out of the tons of girls that follow him, and the ones He follows. Its a big expectation, because He doesn’t probably even remember looking at my story, and He doesn’t even follow me, plus He lives a couple hours away, and He’s never met me in person. Its been troubling and, I’m hoping just like you that if its the Lords will, mabye oneday He will work it all out. I guess its sorta crazy, because it would take a miracle, but sometimes I feel God can allow it to happen, if its his will. But this post is helping me, slowly to realize, that even if God doesn’t bring it about, I can rest confident that He knows what is best for me, He wants to give me the best, and He loves me with such unfailing love!! And sometimes I feel like God is using the tons of guys, I have crushed on, and nothing ever happened, to help me to trust Him, and help me to see His love, is the only love I can count on and that will never let me down. Thank you so much!! If you could give me any wisdom you might have regarding my situation, I would really appreciate it!! Thank you so much!!!

    • Reagan says:

      Matt 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

      I think that when you just seek God wholeheartedly, you will know God’s will and He knows your desires and will put you in the relationship that He wants you in

  2. Amanda says:

    SO GOOD!!!! Thank you! I’ve always struggled with having crushes on guys. I’ve had more than one crush at the same time too, and Girl Defined and their posts have helped me to realize that it’s probably because I’m not finding my satisfaction in the Lord alone. This was a wonderful encouragement

  3. wepajnc says:

    crei que harian un blog sobre el aniversario de Bethany algo asi como “10 cosas que aprendi en mi primer año de casada” no esperaba que fuera un escritor invitado en una fecha taann importante aun asi, es un buen post y las felicito por eso.

    • Rachel says:

      Pensé que era la única que hablaba español que las leía. Siempre comento en inglés y siento que estoy destrozando el idioma y escribiendo puros disparates jaja

      • wepajnc says:

        Haha no eres la unica. Yo aveces uso el traductor por que mi ingles no es tan bueno aun asi, lo tomo como practica jeje.

  4. Karen Elaine Fulmer says:

    I know someone who struggles with this, and I think this is such amazing advice! Thanks Grace. 🙂

  5. Hannah says:

    I really needed this article. I have been struggling with almost this exact same thing, though I am actually really good friends with the guy. I realized recently that I’ve become too emotionally attached to our friendship, and it’s getting dangerously close to becoming one of the most important things in my life. I don’t really know what to do, if I should break off the friendship for a while, or just pray that these feelings diminish. Right now I’m just praying that God guides me in this situation and that He would remain preeminent in my life.

    • Grace says:

      Thanks for commenting, Hannah. Keep praying and keep putting God first!

    • Reagan says:

      I know the feeling, but I’ve found that once you put your feelings aside (because this is possible, which I didn’t know until I tried), you will enjoy your friendship with this guy and with other guys so much more.

  6. Grace says:

    Awh, thank you. 🙂 I appreciate it!

  7. Paige says:

    This article came at the perfect time. I know and agree with everything that was said, but it was good to hear it from someone else at a time when I really want to be held and loved by a guy. It’s nice to know I’m not alone on this journey. 🙂

    • Grace says:

      You’re definitely not alone in those feelings, Paige. They’re very normal. Cling to Jesus during this difficult time. 🙂

  8. Tabitha says:

    Wow! Thank you for being so honest and real, Grace! I can 100% relate. I was in almost the exact same situation in December. I finally had to lay that crush down and surrender it to Jesus which was extremely difficult, but it was what needed to happen. Now that I’ve given God control of my love story things are going so much better and I’m not constantly living in the hope of being noticed by a guy who barely knew I existed.

  9. Cathlene says:

    Wow, this spoke volume to me thank you!!! It kind of felt like it was written for me!!! I’m just surrendering my crush to Jesus. He’s the one that can fill my heart, not a certain guy!!!

  10. GYL says:


  11. Tori W. says:

    Wow, THANK YOU, GRACE! This so beautiful, and so needed! Jesus can fulfill our every need exactly, perfectly, because He created us with those needs. And He understands what we’re going through! What a wonderful Savior we have!

  12. Caitlyn says:

    WOW this is so so good!
    When I have crushes, I think it’s usually because I want to have attention from a guy/feel loved. In reality, Jesus gives that to me, HalleluYah! Thanks for this honest and candid post, it was so encouraging. 🙂
    (also, OH MY WORD I just realized that you wrote this, Grace! I know you from the blogging world 😉 Amazing job!!)

  13. Beatriz Rodriguez says:

    So timely. It makes so much sense. Sometimes I feel like I’m crazy lol … But this really puts it into perspective and confirms what I been thinking.

    • Grace says:

      It’s definitely not crazy to want a guy’s attention or affection! But Jesus alone can meet our deepest need for love. 🙂

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