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How Writing a Book about Sex Taught me the Secret to Love

By: Guest Blogger

When I took hold of the challenge to write a book about sex, and all the touchy subjects it touches, I had no idea I’d discover the secret to love.

Sex illuminates the farthest corners of our hearts. It reveals the pain and the promise, our desire for more of everything we deeply want. Sex is the picture of Christ and His bride — too beautiful to behold — mysteriously expressed between a man and a woman.

In marriage, sex is yada — or at least it should be. 

Yada is the Hebrew word for “knew,” as in “Adam knew his wife Eve” and she conceived and bore a son (Genesis 4:1). Yada means he new her fully; he respected her deeply; he connected with her emotionally. Yada means she was fully known.

Yada is the reason sex is best in marriage because it has to do with deep respect and emotional knowing— the kind of lasting love God has for you.

So if sex is yada, there is nothing casual about sex.

If you do get married, you must know that yada reveals for us the deepest secret of love. Yada is knowing what hurts and heals a man; what helps him and makes him whole. It is never forgetting the passion and giving yourself fully no matter what trials may come. It is a long, hot shower and a pretty dress; a dance, a romance; a kiss and a caress; a whole knowing and deep respect.

I know that when I yada, I complete my husband.

I know him fully, as God knows me.

This little word shows us that sex is not just physical; it is emotional, mental, and spiritual. It weaves the married couple together for life — it is the fabric upon which we build the family.

When I first started writing 21 Myths (Even Good) Girls Believe About Sex, I thought it would be about sex; but it is about the undertones of love, and why we wait for the right time. Writing also unlocked intimacy between me and God. It helped me know how deeply He loves me and is committed to me — even when I mess up. For love is grace — love is yada: Love is knowing us full well and embracing us anyway.

Little did I know in my early years of marriage that yada — whole knowing — is the secret key that unlocks the human heart. When we read the verse, “Be still and know (yada) that I am God,” we understand that loving someone requires a stilling of the soul (Psalm 46:10).

Just as we “know” God, we “know” one another as holy.

We have respect. We choose love — love that is patient, love that endures — and we respect God’s design for sex, waiting until the appropriate time, because that is how He loves us and protects us from hurt.

But the media won’t tell you any of this.

The media will tell you sex is casual and can be experienced in dating — when in truth it is powerfully binding for the married couple. It is the mystery of Christ and His church. The media will tell you having a baby is your choice only — that it has nothing to do with the man who makes it possible. When in truth, our heavenly Father is a Daddy to us and He has a say over the life of His children. The media will tell you — as will some college counseling centers — that STDs are just part of life, when the truth is they can be avoided if you do things God’s way.

The world’s definition of sex is a cheap imposter.

God’s design for sex is yada: it is what you and I both want more than anything — to be fully known, and fully loved. If you read 21 Myths,  you will be embraced by a loving God who wants to set you free from shame, who wants you to discover the binding love He has for you, and you will get a peek into the secrets that make love last.

About the Author: Jennifer Strickland is a blessed wife and mother of three, author, speaker and founder of U R More, a ministry that teaches people their value, identity, and purpose in Christ. For fifteen years, Jennifer worked as a professional model, but the superficial world of modeling left her disillusioned and lost. While living in Europe, she found Christ, and left modeling in search of a more authentic life. Since then, she has become a dynamic conference speaker and has written several books and Bible studies, helping women of all ages find their true value. Learn more about Jennifer at

Go to to watch incredible testimonies of freedom and healing, download the first chapter, and buy the book. Go to to connect with Jen, check out her books and Bible studies, and follow her blog, Jen’s Journal.


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