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Writing Letters to Your Future Husband

By: Bethany Baird

On October 1st, 2004, I sat down on my bedroom floor, grabbed a piece of plain paper, and penned my very first letter to my future husband.

Since that day, I’ve written dozens of letters to this future unknown man.

These letters contain prayers, dreams, thoughts, encouragement, Bible verses and so much more. My hope is that one day (if the Lord wills) I’ll be able to gift these to him as a reminder of my prayers for him and faithfulness to the Lord even before I knew who he was.

These letters are (and continue to be) a huge reminder to me that my future husband is a real man that I should honor and respect even before I know his name.

I remember the very first time I learned about the idea of writing letters to my future husband.

A friend of mine had purchased a book written by a Christian, mid-thirties, single gal. In the book, the author talked about the importance of being faithful to her future spouse. She shared how she began writing letters to her future husband and explained why she thought it was a wonderful idea.

I, being a total girly girl and romantic at heart, thought it was a wonderful idea and soon began writing letters to my future husband.

As I look back over the 11 years and scan through the letters I’ve written, I personally am so glad that I wrote these letters (and will continue doing it into the future).

I’m sure some of you are thinking, “well, what if you never get married? What if I never get married? What then?”

For me personally, this isn’t an issue.

Generally speaking, the majority of women do end-up getting married. But, even if I don’t get married, I will keep those letters as personal little treasures between me and God. They will be stones of remembrance of where I’ve been in life and what my prayers were during that time.

I am sharing my heart with you on this topic because I want to be the gal that sparks the idea in your mind and encourages you to start what I started many years ago.

I was (and continue to be) blessed by this special habit and I think you could be blessed by it as well. Plus, I think it would be a beautiful wedding gift to give your future husband one day down the road.

Please keep this in mind though:

I don’t want you to obsess over marriage. I don’t want you to make an idol of getting married. I don’t want you to place all your hopes and dreams on that thought. But, I do want you to think ahead and plan and prepare for a day that God might very well bring into your life.

I want you to be a girl who lives with the future in mind. A girl who honors her future husband and remains faithful to him even before she knows him.

Unfortunately, many in our culture live in “hook up, shack up, break up” relationships. Long term commitments are a foreign concept in this modern age.

But, we know from Scripture, that is not God’s best for us. God’s best plan is for us to have one husband and to remain faithful to him until “death due us part.” Writing letters, with one man in mind (not several), is a beautiful reminder of God’s design for a life long covenant. At least this has been true for me.

If you’re interested in this idea of writing letters, I want to share a few tips with you.

These are things that I’ve done and I think you will find them helpful.

1. Find a special box or container and keep all your letters inside of it. This will be an easy way for you to keep track of the letters and will be a wonderful way to gift them to your future husband one day.

2. Keep your letters focused on the spiritual. Don’t turn these letters into fantasies or romance novels. Keep your heart pure and keep God at the center of your writing.

3. Include Scripture and prayers that will bless you now, and him, when he finally gets to read them.

4. Keep in mind that prayer is a powerful weapon and your future husband could very well be blessed by your prayers in ways you may never know on this side of eternity.

5. Don’t hesitate to share about your life and current happenings. Just imagine how cool it will be to one day open the letters and read about your past life.

Those are just a few basic ideas.

I’m sure there are many more and I’m sure you probably have some great suggestions as well.

If you are interested in this idea, I’d love to hear from you. Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below and we can chat more there.

Photo Credit

Girl Smiling over shoulder

 

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  • Jade

    Wow, thank you for this idea. I’m totally into writing – diaries, letters, random scribbles to look back on. I can’t believe I haven’t heard of this idea before! Thank you so much for your wisdom. I was looking at every paragraph thinking “Wow, that really stood out to me! I’ll have to mention that in my comment!”, but the whole lot was great! Thanks so much for this blog; I love reading it and check it every day! Love in Christ from Australia!

  • Olivia Scott

    I started doing this just a few months ago in a spare journal I have! I haven’t filled too much in it yet since it’s still relatively new, but it has been a blessing to me so far. I’m so looking forward to, if it’s within God’s will for me to marry, giving it to my future husband as a wedding gift. I think it’s beautiful that you’ve been doing it for so long as well, Bethany, and now you’re sharing it with many other girls. You have a heart of gold and I always thoroughly enjoy reading your posts, as well as Kristen’s. Thank you so much!

  • Monty

    Bethany this is a beautiful idea and I really liked your tips. I especially think your advice about not over fantasizing or romanticizing the man God has for you is critically important. While God does have a mate for many, if not most, (met my husband at 19 and have been married to him for almost 30 years now) these brothers in Christ are just men. They are human, they have strengths and weaknesses. They are courageous and insecure. They have goals and gaps. They are young with A LOT of life lessons ahead of them not our fathers who have set the example for us of what our husbands could/should be.

    Praying for them in advance of meeting them is one of the most loving things a woman can do however having realistic expectations of your future life partner is a critically important way to serve your mate as well. For one thing it helps you see him when God puts him in your path. If you only focus on the Super Hero or the man in the Romance Novel you will likely look right past the amazing, albeit flawed man God has planned just for you. It also sets your relationship up for success and not disappointment that the man you have chosen isn’t living up to your dreams and expectations.

    All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God what your future partner needs is someone who acknowledges the humanity in herself and in him and embraces, cherishes and seeks to grow alongside him for years to come.

    Enjoyed your post very much!

  • Lakechia

    You absolutely ARE the girl who has now inspired this idea in my life – I’ve never heard of it before. I’m so glad you mentioned not to idolize marriage, or even you’re future husband. I’ve known in myself how important that is.
    It is so completely romantic, and Biblical, it also reinforces Biblical purity which I love –
    God Bless you Bethany !!

  • Lillian

    I heard about an idea similar to this when I was reading Lies Young Women Believe, only their suggestion was a journal. I really loved he idea, so I got a journal and began writing. It feels so special and I imagine that being given a journal written to you by someone who didn’t know who you were at the time they started would be very special. I love how you said not to idolize marriage though, and how you said to keep God at the center of your writing. I am 16, and your blogs are very encouraging and inspire me to grow and stay focused on God. Thank you for being a great example for all us younger girls out there!

  • Bea

    I love this idea! I have heard of this multiple times. I read a book that suggested it, listened to a woman speak a couple years ago who mentioned it, and finally have read about it on blogs all over. However, this spring, I was at a Christian weekend retreat when a young woman was giving a talk on the single life and how to live it for God. I was enthralled. She spoke about how we can use our single years to glorify God in ways that we cannot as a married person. She also spoke about how she kept a “dear future husband” journal, and made an effort to constantly pray for him. Just before this talk, we had all received notebooks as a gift from an entirely different person with no purpose in mind. I used that notebook to begin my journal. I do not write in it often, but when I do, I find myself encouraged and excited. I look forward to sharing this with my future husband.

  • Jasmine Luna

    I actually just wrote my first letter a couple weeks ago! It’s a wonderful idea!
    Just wondering, Bethany, how often do you write a letter? A couple times a year or just whenever you feel inspired to?
    I need to be more consistent now that I’ve started. 🙂

    • Kaitlyn Neese

      For I write them every month……It helps me be reminded that he’s out there somewhere waiting for me.

  • Thankful

    Wow this is perfect! Honestly, I’ve written letters to my future husband without knowing anyone else did, and I though that I was really weird because of it. But now I feel so much less weird because others do it too! What an amazing gift to have such a wonderful sister in Christ like you, Bethany (even though I’ve never met you personally) . You’re posts encourage me more than you know. Thank you!! Also, do you think that 14 is too young to write letters to your future husband?

  • ThePoeticMusician

    I’ve done this a few times as well! Also praying for your future husband is a great idea too. 🙂

    • Clare

      Great advice! I heard a story once that there was this young girl who was having a really deep sleep and all of the sudden she just fell out of her bed. She sat up and she had this really random thought to just pray for her future husband. Well, she prayed really hard and then she went back to sleep. A while later in life, she met this really fantastic guy and they were dating at the time. She ended up telling him about that night when she prayed for her future husband and he asked her what night that she prayed. She told him the date and there was complete silence for a few moments. Then, he told her that that was the day that he was in a bombing or shooting of some sort, and he was the only one who made it out alive.

      So ladies, it is DEFINITELY a great idea to pray for your future husband!

      • ThePoeticMusician

        Wow! God definitely works through prayer. That’s an awesome story!

  • Madison

    I love this! I actually recently bought a journal to write letters in, glue pictures or quotes in, and just be a source of encouragement for me as well as my future husband. Whenever I begin to grow discontent with my current situation (i.e. lack of significant other! =D ) writing a letter or prayer to the real, live, man of my dreams whom I’ve never met helps me to bring my thoughts captive and remember that God’s plans are infinitely better than mine.

  • Sandra

    I do love this idea. Thank you for sharing, Bethany. In the end, it will be a wonderful gift for a future husband.

  • This is a cute idea! 🙂

  • betheny

    What incredible timing for this article! I bought a decorative box and yesterday I wrote the first letter, but I started thinking that I don’t want do continue writing letters and prayers for my future husband. After reading this though I have decided to continue. I never thought of the ways it encourage me also. Thank you so much for this!

  • Jade

    Just wondering, does anyone have an opinion on what age is good to start writing letters? Is 13 (nearly 14) too young?

    • Kaitlyn Neese

      No way! If you want to be reminded that he’s out there somewhere, it’s never to earlier to start writing letters.

      • Jade

        Thanks!

    • Faith

      Agree with Kaitlyn! No way! I’m only 14, but I love this idea and I’m totally going to do it! 🙂

  • Savannah

    What a wonderful Idea…Thank you for sharing. I really appreciated your letter writting tips. Mom has told me how important it is to keep my Lord-willing future husband in my daily prayers. Thank you for the encouragement in this area!

  • Kaitlyn Neese

    I love writing letters to my future husband. I’m really glad to know that I’m not the other one who does it. (:

  • Lizzy

    It’s so odd–and almost unreal–to think that my future husband is probably a teen boy living somewhere out in the world. Thanks to your article, he seems so much more real to me now! I’ll definitely have to write him some letters.
    ~Lizzy

  • I love these guidelines! They are a great help. Thanks!

  • Isabella Jo

    I am not sure where I first heard this idea but I too write letters to my unkown hubby. I hope to same day gift them to him and then continue to write him more letters, even after I know who he is!

  • Anne

    I’m fifteen and I have considered doing this before. I pray for my future husband, but I haven’t written anything down. I like this idea! I agree with one of the comments below, how often do you write letters? There’s a couple in our church, they’re married and have four kids, and I met with the wife a bit last year. She said that right around the age her husband started praying for his future wife (they didn’t know each other) was when she started hearing about and accepted Christ! 🙂

    • Anne

      Also, something I’ve been learning and working on this year is only Jesus can satisfy! No man, no person, no relationship, or anything can satisfy you! If we look to relationships to fulfill us, we will always be dissapointed! Only in Jesus!
      I also loved how you talked about being faithful to him now. I’ve never really thought about it that way!

  • Leanna Ulrich

    So, I’d like to hear if there’s anyone who has written these letters and then given them to their husband… My fear is that he wont necessarily be interested in them… any words or insight? Just curious here 🙂
    I’ve been thinking about this whole idea of writing to a future soulmate.. Thanks for the encouragement!

    • Elizabeth Williams

      I can’t attest to this yet, but I think he will! I know some guys aren’t the sentimental type. BUT, if he’s the type of guy that waited and waited for you, then I think it will definitely bless his heart!

  • Elizabeth Williams

    This is an awesome idea, and I’ve actually already written one! I’ve even heard of keeping a journal for him 🙂

  • Emily

    I started writing a journal to my husband right after I graduated high school about 8 years ago. It has been such a blessing to me! I even include pictures and valentines cards and Christmas cards. I’ve almost completely filled the huge journal I started and can’t wait to start a second. I’m so blessed by doing this and the ways I have seen God be faithful in carrying my through this waiting period. I can’t wait to give it to him one day!

  • Faith

    Thank you for this beautiful idea! I’m definitely the sentimental, girly girl that would sooo do this! And I’m going to!

  • Clare

    Oh my goodness! This is such an amazing idea! I finally know what to do with another empty journal of mine! I am going to do this sometime. Maybe now? I’m not sure but soon! Thank you for the post. =)

  • Leanne

    Haha I can relate to the waiting. I’m similar to you in age, and single too.

  • Madeleine Grace

    This article is such a coincidence and a blessing!! A couple of days before this article landed in my inbox I started writing letters to my future husband, it was something that God put on my heart and that would never leave mind. And then this article was written and it justsolidified and assured me that this idea of writing letters to your future husband is not dumb but that it can be a potential blessing and a very special present to your husband soon your wedding day!!! Thank you so much for this article it is beautiful and gave me a lot of encouragment and reassurance!!!

    God Bless,
    Madeleine

  • Dawn

    Did Kristin do this? If so, how did it work out for her? I’m just wondering how it would actually look to follow it through into giving them to him once married. It kinda seems as if it could be more of a distraction and dwelling on what is not rather than joyfully serving the Lord where we are?

  • I keep the letters that I write in a “promise box” that I plan on filling completely. I’m 18 and have never dated. For the longest time I felt like I was missing out. Writing my future husband letters has helped me be content with my present, but also prepare for my future. I am a getting used to sharing my heart, which I don’t often do. And if I’m ever going to be married, I need to get used to being open and honest now.

  • Pooja jersy

    praise the lord…. When i m reading this post i would like to fallow this . now i m planning to write a letter ….and i ll start praying for him. thank u for such wonderfull message for all girls..

  • anonymous 1234

    I started a journal to my future husband… but as I think about it, it’s a little embarrassing.. I wrote about the different guys I thought were cool… but in the light of my future husband, knowing that they may or may not be him. So that helped me, but it sounds kind of too awkward to actually give to my future husband.

  • Gods_girlcoco

    l@GirlDefined:disqus I loved this article! You all have a lot of great articles on marriage. I was wondering whats you alls view on interracial marriage. Do you think you guys could write an article about this? Or have someone else write a blog about this? Thanks!

    • Gods_girlcoco

      @gi@GirlDefined:disqus

  • Shanice Harris

    Thank you for this idea and your help in what to write and how to store the letters. This gives me hope. I am well knowing that my prayers are in the right area and very specific to what I want, that I’m praying for my distant future, reflecting on scriptures that I know and love, and reflecting on myself and where I am in my life.

  • Katharine Menning

    I LOVE THIS IDEA! I’ve written one letter so far to give to my husband on our wedding night about how I have waited for that night, ow much I love him, and stuff like that as part of a girl’s devotional that I was doing. I never really thought about doing more until now and will definitely continue to do so! Thanks so much for this idea and God bless!

  • thehappygirl

    I actually just started writing to my future husband about two weeks ago! So far, I’ve only written a couple letters, and nothing mushy at that. Just Bible verses I’m studying or that have blessed me, and words of encouragement. Oh, and that I’m praying for him. I think these will be wonderful to give to him one day!

  • Audrey

    whats the point of this and why should it stay “God-centered” ?

  • Sharon Enabs

    I’m 23 and just starting this….hope it goes well


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