You Have a Crush On Him…Now What?

By: Kristen Clark

I still remember my very first crush. I was probably ten years old (at the most). I would get butterflies every time “he” walked by. That crush lasted for several months, and then our schedules changed and I didn’t see him anymore. I decided to move on to a new cute boy.

Then there was my first teenage crush. I was 14 years old and fell head-over-heels for a cute basketball stud. That crush lasted for a long time. In fact, throughout most of my high school years he was kind of my “background” crush. I always had my eye on him. Nothing ever happened between us though (regardless of the countless hours I spent dreaming about him). 

Then there was that first post-high school crush.

My crush on this guy was a little more sophisticated and mature, of course. Being older, we actually communicated and I could tell there was mutual interest. However, that crush didn’t end up going anywhere and we both moved on.

Crushes. I’ve had them and I’m guessing you do too. They’re a normal part of life. God created us as sexual beings and we’re drawn toward romantic attraction. This desire is what ultimately drives us toward marriage. It’s a good thing!

However, if we don’t learn how to handle our crushes in a Christ-honoring way, they can turn bad really fast.

A young woman emailed me the other day and asked the question, “I really like this guy. I’m crushing on him big time…but what am I supposed to do now?!”

Have you ever asked that question? Felt that desire? Wondered what to do next?

Girl, I’ve been there. I totally get it. However, I didn’t always handle things very well. If I could go back in time and give my younger self some advice, I surely would! But since I can’t, I want to give some “older sister” advice to you. Whether you’re a teen or in your twenties, this advice is for you. 

You have a crush on him…now what?

What is the right way to respond? What should you do/not do? What is God-honoring and what isn’t? When it comes to our crushes, we as girls will typically respond one of two ways. We will either… 1. Idolize and Obsess Over Him. — OR —  2. Surrender and Trust God with Him.

Let’s unpack what each of these responses look like.

1. You Idolize and Obsess Over Him.

When it comes to a crush, the most common and typical reaction is to completely obsess and idolize that guy. You know what I’m talking about about. We’ve all been there —looking at his pictures on social media at all hours of the night, trying hard to get him to notice you, figuring out how to get his number, going somewhere just because you know he’ll be there, journaling for hours about him, and much more.

We’ll go to great lengths when it comes to our crushes, won’t we? As natural and fun as this response may be, it rarely leads to good places. If fact, it can lead us to a place that is actually sinning against God. When we become obsessed over a certain guy, we’re actually placing him at the center of our heart’s affections. The Bible calls this “idolatry” (Col. 3:5, Exod. 20:3).

When a guy becomes our idol, we become more focused on chasing after him than we do on pursuing God.

Our relationship with God takes the back seat our attention becomes consumed with this guy. In a sense, this crush becomes the new “god” of our hearts. And you know what? False god’s can’t satisfy us. They can’t fulfil us long term.

Psalm 16:4a says, “The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply.” This verse is a warning to us. Obsessing over and idolizing our crush is like running after another god and will cause sorrow in the long run. We will actually be less happy and less content than before. 

Instead of obsessing and idolizing over your crush, there’s a better way. Let’s check it out.

2. You Surrender and Trust God with Him.

You like him. He’s cute. You want him to notice you. BUT — instead of chasing after him, obsessing over him, and idolizing him, you choose a God honoring response.

You take your desires to God in prayer and say, “God, I really like Him! But I’m going to entrust these feelings to you. I’m going to surrender this guy and my desires for him to you. Please help me to find my satisfaction in you alone. Please help me to take my thoughts captive and think about things that are pure, holy, and others-focused (Phil. 4:8). Help me to honor You in the way I interact with this guy.”

Wow! Imagine how life changing it would be if you handled your crushes that way?

When we choose to trust God with our crushes and surrender our desires to God, we will find satisfaction. Psalm 16 has an incredible promise for us when we do this. Check it out…

“I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure” (Psalm 16:8-9).

When we place Christ at the center of our heart’s affections, we will be satisfied. Our heart will be glad! No guy can do that for us (no matter how cute he is).

When it comes to our crushes, we have a choice to make. 

We can either choose the first path (idolize and obsess) or we choose the second path (surrender and trust). How we respond will determine the path we choose to take. And as we saw, one leads to sorrow while the other leads to life and joy.

In closing, I want to challenge you to read Psalm 16 each morning for the next 7 days.

This Psalm is short, but is packed with truth for guiding your heart. When it comes to your crushes, this Psalm will help you realign your heart with truth. This Psalm will teach you how to trust God more fully. Will you take the challenge? I hope so!

If you want to learn more about God’s beautiful design for love and romance, I hope you’ll join Bethany and me on March 24th for our LIVE online event! You can tune in from anywhere in the world! It’s going to be amazing. For details and tickets, go here. 

Let’s chat below!

  • When it comes to crushes, how are you struggling to trust God right now?
  • What do you need to change in order to surrender your crushes to God?

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  • Skye FitzHugh

    I am struggling to trust God that he knows who my guy will be and even if I will ever end up getting married. I somehow have it in my mind that God doesn’t know what he is doing and I know better than him. Or if I trust God he won’t give me the guy I want. But the truth is is that God knows what Is best for us. He knows that boy’s weakest points whereas I do not. I have and still am trying to give ALL of my concerns to him.

    • Maddy K

      That’s hard. It is sometimes difficult to recognize and know that God wants the best for you. He loves you and would go to the ends of the earth for you, his daughter. God knows you, better then you yourself do. He can see the big picture, while you can’t. Just remember when you are feeling down that God is always there for you. I was actually struggling with something similar last night, and I just talked. Laying there, in my bed, all giggly from spending the evening with my Crush, I just spilled to God. It really helped me. I’m praying for you, Skye!
      <3 your sister in Christ

      • Skye FitzHugh

        Thanks! I will be praying for you as well! <3

  • Isabella

    this is such a good reminder<3 God really does want what's best for us. trusting him is ultimately the best thing we can do. plus it feels SO much better when we surrender the weight of guy feelings to Christ!

  • Shanae B

    Great post! Totally wish I’d read this back in high school, when I struggled in this area. Great reminder, thanks for posting!

    • BaddestBinchOnTheBlock

      If I had a dollar for every time I’d seen that comment from you, I could buy out Ashley Madison. You just had a lot of problems in high school!

      • Shanae B

        Why, have you been stalking me?

        • Rocky

          You’re an open book, Shanae.

  • Tiffany Anderson

    What wonderful words of wisdom! I am so thankful this arrived in my inbox this morning!

  • Brooklyn Byars

    Thanks for this post! This wisdom was and is much needed. I’m taking you up on the challenge to read Psalms 16 for the next 7 mornings.

  • Paige

    Thanks for sharing! I can totally relate!

  • Alisha

    Very nice sharing…

  • Megan

    So I have this friend who I never thought of more then just a friend until a couple months ago. I felt that God was leading me into a relationship with him. But as soon as that happend he started expressing interest in another girl. I’ve been praying about their relationship cause I want him to be happy but I’ve felt that God is telling me that they shouldn’t be in a relationship. I don’t know if that’s my personal feeling coming into it. I’m in constant prayer surrounding this issue but I need some personal guidance.

    • Megan, I totally understand where you are coming from. I struggled with a similar feelings before. Except for I didnt even know this guy very well. I even asked God many times if this wasn’t him telling me something, but my personal feelings that he would take this feeling that God would take these feelings away. But the feelings remained that I was supposed to marry him, but for some reason it never worked out for me to even talk to this guy. I realized that God’s answer to my prayer was the fact that he was interested and then engaged to a different girl.
      The fact that the guy your interested in is interested to someone else probably means that it is your personal feelings getting in the way.
      Concerning you not thinking they should be together I would just pray about it. I’ve had those feelings before as well and realized it was just jealousy. If she really is not the right person for your friend God will take of it.

      • Megan

        I’m very careful to keep my feelings in check and try to not be jelous. But it’s difficult

    • Kelsey Thoman

      In my experience you may be right. I had friends in relationships that I knew weren’t good for them. They didn’t listen to my advice and ended up making some bad mistakes. You probably are bias a little. 😉 I would just say wait it out and pray that they make wise choices.

      • Megan

        That’s what I’m trying to do. Just wait it out. But I haven’t told him about my uneasy feeling towards his potential relationship, it’s going to be a tough conversations to say the least.

  • Piper

    Thank you so much for sharing! Perfect timing because I really didn’t know what to do with these feelings. Thank you gals!

  • Maddy K

    This was impeccably timed for me. I was think the very same question last night… ☺

  • Sarah

    Woah. This is awesome, and exactly my thoughts on the matter. Over a year ago, I was totally obsessed with a guy, making that crush an idol. Thankfully, the Lord showed me that I didn’t need to do that! It was a lesson of surrender that I’m so glad God taught me. So happy that you guys are sharing your wise thoughts and advice on the matter!

    • Lauren

      I am totally in the same place as you! I had a major crush turned obsession that lasted for a while, but thankfully the Lord showed me the freedom that He offers when I surrender everything to Him!

  • Bella D.

    I had a crush like the teenage one you described, and it lasted A LONG TIME…. like four years! When I finally got the nerve to tell my friend about it, and how long it had lasted, she told me I was in love. Thankfully, things went much better than they would have if I had been left to my own devices, but it did do some damage to my view of my brothers in Christ.

  • Susan

    Thank you so much for writing the post! It definitely feels like I’m getting advice from my older sister!!

  • Rachel Lee

    everytime a cute boy shows interest in me, i fall head over heals lol i always struggle with the relationship in my heard idea

  • Natilyn

    Thank you so much! The timing on this was perfect and the points you brought up were so good.

  • Hannah B

    Perfect timing! I was wondering how to handle crushes in a godly way. Thanks!

  • BaddestBinchOnTheBlock

    When it comes to crushes, are you being careful/not un-careful enough? You not only need to figure out if he’s the one, you should think about if he might be the two or the three. Save yourself some heartbreak and become a nun, but only if you have lesbian tendencies you can develop just to keep things interesting. A word to the wise (or whoever, I actually don’t care): there are more than two options when it comes to crushes. An example would be “Why do I have a crush on this dude? He looks like a potato that got left in the microwave too long. I have better things to do with my life anyway”. This one approach has the power to change the course of your life!

    Worn-out soccer moms: it’s what makes a Subaru a Subaru.

  • just a thought

    I am definitely that girl that obsesses over her crushes. A couple years ago I was at McDonalds with some friends and I noticed this guy in front of me who was kinda cute. We made eye contact a couple times and just from that I began daydreaming of me and this guy I had never even met being a couple(crazy! I know right?!) Later that night something weird happened. About 5 minutes after this guy left the restaurant, this woman walks up to me with a sticky note and says her nephew wanted her to give me his number (her nephew was the cute guy I had noticed earlier). I was so flattered and couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that this guy thought I was cute and wanted to give me his number. I just remember thinking and daydreaming about this guy for like a week after and I even had this fantasy that one day I would go back to that McDonalds and that same guy would there waiting for me after all these years. Thinking back on this specific event I realize I was completely obsessed with a guy I knew nothing about. Not to mention the fact that he couldn’t even give me his number himself. I realize now how ridiculous it was for me to consume my thoughts with this one guy. Since this crush and many others after I have learned how toxic it is to consume my thoughts with those of guys and how to get them to notice me. At the time, this specific situation seemed completely innocent and even humorous but when I let it completely control my thoughts is when it became an issue. I’m not saying crushes are bad because like Kristen said, God made us to have these desires and attractions but He also doesn’t want us to let these desires consume us and push God out of our minds and hearts. This is where I’ve struggled the most. But God is teaching me and I am so thankful I serve a God who is patient and loving even when I don’t exactly give Him the glory and honor He deserves. Thank you for posting this blog! It’s encouraging to know other people struggle with the same things I do. Much love!

  • Sarah

    Thanks for sharing I really needed this right now! I’ve been liking a guy J for a year an Half I don’t know him very well or ever talked to him. Sometimes he is on and off in my thoughts every day I have been asking God taking these feelings away from me and just to surrendering to him and to trusting Him every day. If it’s not God Will he will closed the door and if it is He will opened that door for us in His timing. PS. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person who going through this.

    • Nana

      Oh my goodness! I’m literally going through the same thing! And his name also starts with J 🙁

      • Sarah

        Oh wow I’m not the only one 🙂 how are you handling it?

  • Xylia Ong

    Thanks da jie (big sister in Mandrin) Kristen<3 Challenge accepted!

  • JP

    Thanks Kristen! I needed this!

  • Gabriella Gordon

    Thank you so much for your encouragement! I just recently gave it over to God. It was a hard thing to do but I feel so much better now that I’ve done it! As I wait for that special one, I want to be growing in my love for God more and more 🙂

  • Britta

    Great post! Love the wisdom you two have. Please write a post on how to balance friend/dating relationships!!

  • T’Kayah Mitchell

    This was a really great post of guidance to God. It really made me understand to keep my mind, heart, and attention on him through my singleness and while liking someone. Thank you so much! A true inspiration that stirred up my faith and sight on our father!

  • Joanna Cloutier

    how can I keep a friendship just a friendship without letting it evolve into something more? We like each other, but I don’t want it to mess up the FRIENDship we have. What can I do to not make it awkward, but keep it pure and fun?

    • Solo

      Being friends with men is not possible without any pain. Either one or both of you will develop feeling for each other (typically the man). Just because you see him as a friend does not mean he sees you in that way only. Think about it, pray about it.

    • Caroline

      Set boundaries, remember you’re honoring God and also him. Go out together, but invite more friends and choose public places to hang out. Also careful with -texting- try not involve your feelings. Pray and pray!

      • Shiloh Pierce

        I only see him after Mass at my home church/ parish, not any other times…
        I just don’t want the friendship to become something else and then be broken. It ahs happened before and I don’t want it to happen again…

  • Jules

    I have a similar question as Shiloh. I have really liked ( actually more like a HUGE crush ) this guy for a couple of years now. sometimes I think he likes me too. The problem is that God has told me that he isn’t someone I should pursue a potential relationship with ( plus he is a couple years younger than me.) but I still want to be friends because we have a lot in common. How do I go about this?? we only see each other at church youth group twice a week but still….Its so confusing!!!

  • Shiloh Pierce

    Hey, Jules! I’ve had the idea for a while now, but only recently have I found out that this guy is crushing on me. He’s a few years younger than I, but I still like him ONLY AS A FRIEND, but he likes me a little more than that. My advice to you is to stay his friend, but to remember what God told you. You want to be careful with what you say and how you say it. Maybe, if you are comforatble, have a talk with your dad about what to say and what NOT to say. I mean, your dad was a teen once, ja? Ideally, you want to stay away from any type of situation that will temp you. This goes for all women. Be sure to think of what you want to say BEFORE you say it. Again, my advice is to stay friends as long as oit does not pose a threat to your relationship with God. Also, if you find yourself staying attracted to him, then limit the time you spend at YG together. This should also include social media, texting, etc.
    Hope this helps! just a few things before I post this. There’s a great quote I read and actaully have by my bedroom. Here it is:

    • red

      In general, it’s good to avoid younger guys, unless it’s like a year difference. It’s the general consensus that it never works, and that’s what I’ve found. Although, I would personally still give it a try, because you never know.

  • Futurecop

    This post made me think at what I’ve been doing wrong and what I need to do to correct myself. Thank you for the encouraging and inspiring words!!

  • ModMod

    I definitely struggle with this so much, and have had to deal with some problems as a result. Even though my head tells me I need to surrender…my emotions take over. I am still struggling to trust God with the results of these experiences. But i also want to learn how to keep it from happening again. I know that one thing I need to do is take better control of my thoughts and actions. I often make excuses as to why I am talking to them or why I interact with them, but I know that needs to stop. I have prayed to God about surrendering before, but then my actions don’t match what I do. I need to remember that surrendering is a moment by moment decision and not just a one, time prayer.

  • Stephanie

    I have a tough situation going on right now. I have this super close, Christian guy friend who treats me as if I were his girlfriend. We talk on the phone at least four times a week at night, we see each other almost every day, he includes me in almost everything he does, we slow dance together, he sits really close to me, he jokes about me being his GF, and he has even tried to kiss me. I’ve known him for four years and I have to admit that I have had a crush on him since I met him. I’m a senior and he is a junior in high school. I feel really great when he treats me in that way, but at the same time I am frustrated with him because I don’t want him to continue acting like my BF if he is not my BF. We’ve talked about the possibility of becoming a couple but he always says he prefers we just stay friends. I’m just feeling sooooo confused right now. And since he hangs out around me a lot, every guy at my church thinks he is my BF when he is not. I want to let the other Godly guys know that I am available but I don’t know how. (Sorry for any confusion!)

    • Shiloh Pierce

      Stephanie- No, no confusion. I know how you feel, girl! You are confidant in your relationship with him? Then, I would tell him how you feel. To be honest, guys are afraid of commitment; that is probably why he wants to “stay friends.” I’m sure he sees you as his gf, but he does not want the title bc it’s scary.

      hope that helped! Praying for ya!

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