conference conference


You Have a Crush On Him…Now What?

By: Kristen Clark

I still remember my very first crush. I was probably ten years old (at the most). I would get butterflies every time “he” walked by. That crush lasted for several months, and then our schedules changed and I didn’t see him anymore. I decided to move on to a new cute boy.

Then there was my first teenage crush. I was 14 years old and fell head-over-heels for a cute basketball stud. That crush lasted for a long time. In fact, throughout most of my high school years he was kind of my “background” crush. I always had my eye on him. Nothing ever happened between us though (regardless of the countless hours I spent dreaming about him). 

Then there was that first post-high school crush.

My crush on this guy was a little more sophisticated and mature, of course. Being older, we actually communicated and I could tell there was mutual interest. However, that crush didn’t end up going anywhere and we both moved on.

Crushes. I’ve had them and I’m guessing you do too. They’re a normal part of life. God created us as sexual beings and we’re drawn toward romantic attraction. This desire is what ultimately drives us toward marriage. It’s a good thing!

However, if we don’t learn how to handle our crushes in a Christ-honoring way, they can turn bad really fast.

A young woman emailed me the other day and asked the question, “I really like this guy. I’m crushing on him big time…but what am I supposed to do now?!”

Have you ever asked that question? Felt that desire? Wondered what to do next?

Girl, I’ve been there. I totally get it. However, I didn’t always handle things very well. If I could go back in time and give my younger self some advice, I surely would! But since I can’t, I want to give some “older sister” advice to you. Whether you’re a teen or in your twenties, this advice is for you. 

You have a crush on him…now what?

What is the right way to respond? What should you do/not do? What is God-honoring and what isn’t? When it comes to our crushes, we as girls will typically respond one of two ways. We will either… 1. Idolize and Obsess Over Him. — OR —  2. Surrender and Trust God with Him.

Let’s unpack what each of these responses look like.

1. You Idolize and Obsess Over Him.

When it comes to a crush, the most common and typical reaction is to completely obsess and idolize that guy. You know what I’m talking about about. We’ve all been there —looking at his pictures on social media at all hours of the night, trying hard to get him to notice you, figuring out how to get his number, going somewhere just because you know he’ll be there, journaling for hours about him, and much more.

We’ll go to great lengths when it comes to our crushes, won’t we? As natural and fun as this response may be, it rarely leads to good places. If fact, it can lead us to a place that is actually sinning against God. When we become obsessed over a certain guy, we’re actually placing him at the center of our heart’s affections. The Bible calls this “idolatry” (Col. 3:5, Exod. 20:3).

When a guy becomes our idol, we become more focused on chasing after him than we do on pursuing God.

Our relationship with God takes the back seat our attention becomes consumed with this guy. In a sense, this crush becomes the new “god” of our hearts. And you know what? False god’s can’t satisfy us. They can’t fulfil us long term.

Psalm 16:4a says, “The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply.” This verse is a warning to us. Obsessing over and idolizing our crush is like running after another god and will cause sorrow in the long run. We will actually be less happy and less content than before. 

Instead of obsessing and idolizing over your crush, there’s a better way. Let’s check it out.

2. You Surrender and Trust God with Him.

You like him. He’s cute. You want him to notice you. BUT — instead of chasing after him, obsessing over him, and idolizing him, you choose a God honoring response.

You take your desires to God in prayer and say, “God, I really like Him! But I’m going to entrust these feelings to you. I’m going to surrender this guy and my desires for him to you. Please help me to find my satisfaction in you alone. Please help me to take my thoughts captive and think about things that are pure, holy, and others-focused (Phil. 4:8). Help me to honor You in the way I interact with this guy.”

Wow! Imagine how life changing it would be if you handled your crushes that way?

When we choose to trust God with our crushes and surrender our desires to God, we will find satisfaction. Psalm 16 has an incredible promise for us when we do this. Check it out…

“I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure” (Psalm 16:8-9).

When we place Christ at the center of our heart’s affections, we will be satisfied. Our heart will be glad! No guy can do that for us (no matter how cute he is).

When it comes to our crushes, we have a choice to make. 

We can either choose the first path (idolize and obsess) or we choose the second path (surrender and trust). How we respond will determine the path we choose to take. And as we saw, one leads to sorrow while the other leads to life and joy.

In closing, I want to challenge you to read Psalm 16 each morning for the next 7 days.

This Psalm is short, but is packed with truth for guiding your heart. When it comes to your crushes, this Psalm will help you realign your heart with truth. This Psalm will teach you how to trust God more fully. Will you take the challenge? I hope so!

If you want to learn more about God’s beautiful design for love and romance, I hope you’ll join Bethany and me on March 24th for our LIVE online event! You can tune in from anywhere in the world! It’s going to be amazing. For details and tickets, go here. 

Let’s chat below!

  • When it comes to crushes, how are you struggling to trust God right now?
  • What do you need to change in order to surrender your crushes to God?

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